What's that flowing through the living room?!?

It's DENIAL!!

Holy shit, y'all.
I have been so clear you can practically see through my entire body. So clear that I transmit light and have considered cleaning myself with vinegar and newspaper to avoid streaks. So clear that BIRDS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO FLY STRAIGHT INTO ME AND STUN THEMSELVES.

I have actually said these words out loud and everything:
"You can stay until the end of February and then you have to go. But sooner is better."
"I just don't want to be married to you anymore."
"I see no evidence that there is any hope for our relationship."
"I don't think we should sleep in the same bed anymore... maybe we could take turns on the couch."
"At this point I don't even think marriage counseling is an option for us."
"Get out of my house."

Yet somehow, he missed it.

We have discussed these things:
Who gets the house. (Me).
How long I will cover him on my insurance. (Until the end of the year).
What portion of the tax return he will get. (A third).
What we will do about our cell phone contracts. (I will continue to pay it unless he starts making expensive calls).
Whether he will get an apartment or move in with his mom.

Yet somehow, when I asked him if he wanted me to bring boxes home he was... well... caught off guard. Upset. Dare I say, "surprised."

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!?

Are any of you confused about when he is supposed to move out?
Are any of you confused about how I feel about him?

He is.
He tried the guilt card, "I guess I just feel things for you that you don't feel for me."
Ya think? I had no idea. And also? Guilt doesn't work on me. It's the damnedest thing.
He said, "I just didn't think that you'd do this."
I can't imagine why you would think that. I have only been talking about it CONSTANTLY since DECEMBER.

I finally asked, "Do you not remember ANY of the conversations we have had on this subject?" He said, "Of course I remember the conversations. I just thought you were mad."

SERIOUSLY.
Here's some insight into my personality... Even when I am mad I try really hard to only say things I actually mean. Especially things like, "I don't want to be married to you anymore and I would like you to leave my house."

I think I need some vodka.
And a hammer.