Goals?? Resolutions??

Ok... the blog world is packed full of posts like this. Sorry.

There are the obvious ones: make better food choices and exercise more, stop smoking, spend more quality time with Bean, pick up after myself and train other family members to do the same, clean on a schedule.

There are the intelligent ones: do all of my homework - including the reading in a timely manner, read each book club book twice and research the book BEFORE the meeting, stop buying yarn/yarn books that are for projects I'll never even start.

There are the personal growth ones: learn to forgive myself, host more dinner parties, learn to cook something complicated.

~~BUT~~

Why do we feel the need to reorganize our lives (if only mentally) every year and why does it not work? Ever?? Is it that the beginning of a "new year" causes unrealistic idealistic visions of ourselves that we feel compelled to achieve? Buying as new house caused something similar for me. Moving in I kept thinking, "No more dishes in the sink EVER!!! We can keep the dishes clean all the time now that we have a dishwasher." Guess what's in my sink right now. Just guess.

I think I'm going to try to subscribe to the "change one thing" mentality. Every month I'm going to try to change one thing I don't like and see if at the end of the year I have made anything that resembles progress. We'll see.

One thing I am going to try is Project 365. My plan is to start another blog and post a picture and a caption for every day... could be fun! Could be really, really boring.

Things My Husband Can Never Know

1. Shortly before we started dating I made out with our friend Joel. It wasn't a big deal and it didn't "go" very far, but it would make my husband uncomfortable if he knew so we just don't talk about it.

2. I don't really like jazz. I try to, and I can appreciate some jazz-related things, but on the whole I'd rather listen to the Winnie the Pooh soundtrack.

3. I went to Sam's Club today. I was hungry and alone. Let's just say that if you're in need of crackers, tuna, brownie mix, cheese, peanut butter, cream puffs, those clear plastic nacho trays, trash bags, mini candy bars or mechanical pencils just give me a call.

Post Christmas

Is anyone else relieved that Christmas is finally over?

Everyone seemed really pleased with their gifts. I bought my dad a shirt that says, "I'm kind of a big deal." It made him laugh and he wore it all Christmas Day. I didn't see my sister but my mom reported that the kids all liked their presents.

The husband bought me a nice necklace and a season of Gilmore Girls. I bought him a Notre Dame sweatshirt and some CDs and some pj's and a book. I also bid on some Notre Dame posters for the den and won but they haven't gotten here yet so he doesn't know. He felt bad because I bought him so much more than he bought me... but since I ordered something for myself every time I placed an order online I assured him that I was fine. More than fine. Ahava bath salts and knitting books and a CD and yarn. I probably spent more on myself than on everyone combined! Oops.

Christmas Eve in the new house was fine - the whole family (minus my sister) came over - even my mother in law was there. The house was clean, my curtains were hung by my dad the day before and the cats were in good spirits.

Christmas Day I worked until 3 and then took a looooong nap. The husband and I played video games (I got The Sims 2 for the PC, he got some wrestling game for the Playstation. We can now sit in the den together and play mindless games for hours) and then I made spaghetti. While I still can't take a day off from work I have managed to only go in for a few hours at a time. Today I slept until after 1. Life is rough.

I went to Target (love me some Target) the day after Christmas and bought the LAST wreath storage box. I also picked up a huge Rubbermaid container to store the tree. It was sort of a madhouse (shocker). Soccer moms and old ladies running wild with 75% off signs fluttering like confetti around them. It was something.

I did not finish Bean's shrug. I sewed one sleeve and it's too tight for her. Crap.
Also, the collar was a little off center. Double crap.
Well, I'll try again some other time... I do love the Knitpicks superwash. I will measure her fully and start the sweater pattern I bought so many months ago.

I just lack the motivation to do anything right now. I'm tired but not ready for sleep, I'm bored but I can't concentrate on my book, there isn't anything on TV and I don't want to clean. As much as I love time off and sleeping all day I really do need structure in my days.

The husband has gone back to work. He still hates it but I think it's good for him to get out of the house. Lord knows it's good for me to have him out of the house. Seriously. Not to mention the paycheck. I do wish he would find another job that wouldn't make him so crazy, but I think that he is still trying to figure out who he is and what he wants from his life. His dad's main goal in life was to take care of his family and keep them comfortable. I think that he wants so much to be like his dad and he's just trying to figure out how to do that.

Christmas Already?

Seriously, it doesn't feel like Christmas Eve is tomorrow. My tree is up, presents are (mostly) wrapped, and my house is so close to being ready for the family to come over. There is candy in dishes and little snowmen all over the house. There is special soap in the bathroom and pretty hand towels.

I am so tired. My husband has hurt his foot (again). And between the pain and immobility and the raging grief he is running me into the ground. And I can't show frustration with him for any of it. He is so needy right now... and he hates being needy. So he's grief-stricken and grumpy and needy and like, four of the other seven evil dwarfs. Just call me Snow.

And I have this cold/flu thing. And all I want to do is sleep.

I need some cheese to go with all the whine, right? It will get better... once his foot is healed and we can deal with just the grief it will be better. Grief is so complicated and this is the first real batch he has ever had. And losing a parent is complicated - regardless of age or relationship.
I took some time off this week to be at home with him, and I feel a little guilty right now because it is sort of a relief to be at work.

My parents are coming over today to help me hang my curtains and finish the house for tomorrow. They are so great. My dad has been really great with the husband - his dad died eleven years ago and it was really difficult on him. He hugged the husband the other night - it was sweet and awkward and unexpected.

I was feeling sort of bad because dad said I should patch things up with my sister. (Why me? I did NOTHING wrong, damn it!!) I decided to be the bigger person, (the GROWN-UP, drippy head) and called her about two weeks ago. She didn't call back so I called again last Monday. I basically said, "Hey, Christmas Eve at my house, hope you can come. You didn't call me back so I can only assume you're still mad at me... I wish we could get past this but that's up to you." So she calls back that night and says, "I didn't call back because I was BUSY. I have PLANS Christmas Eve so I won't be there. I'll be at mom and dad's Christmas Day." Her tone was cold and snotty. I'm done worrying about it. Even dad says I've done what I could do.

I'm trying to be FRICKIN' MERRY but it's FRICKIN' EXHAUSTING!

I keep reminding myself that what my father in law always said when things were bad - even when his cancer was spreading out of control and his arthritis was so bad he couldn't walk. He always said, "Somebody out there has it worse than me." And he was right. This year brought a lot of grief and sadness, but it also brought a lot of good things.

1. We bought a house. Wow. Something we thought we were YEARS away from.
2. Our marriage is stronger than ever. If we can come through the things we have in the two years we've been married we can make it through anything.
3. Our daughter is sweet, creative, smart and funny.
4. I am closer to my parents than I was a year ago.
5. I still have a 4.0 in grad school, so all of my hard work and sacrifice is really FOR something.
6. The Democrats KILLED in November. Party on party!

That's all I can come up with right now... but coming up with six whole things is a huge achievement these days.

Have a good Christmas everyone, and let's hope that 2007 doesn't suck.

Cats! The Home Version

This is Serena's initial reaction to the new kitten. As you can see, she is not at all pleased. She is hiding in the laundry room as far under the futon as she can get. She hissed and carried on like a drama queen if anyone came in the room.


Then she moved on to the dining room chairs. From this hiding place she could watch the kitten (and the humans playing with the kitten) and still remain aloof. We have made some progress since these were taken... she has stopped hissing every time the kitten is in the room and she has actually allowed the kitten to approach and sniff.


I was allowed to touch her today for a few seconds.
She even managed a purr or two.




So what foul creature has caused all of this fuss?





This is the kitten in question. Her name is Sammy and she really is a sweetie. No wonder Serena hates her.



Who could resist this wubbie face??

Diversion

We got the kitten on Thursday night. Her name is Sammy and she is the sweetest little ball of purr I've ever seen. I would have a picture of her, but she moves so fast and is so intrigued by the camera that I can't get a good shot. Serena is... well... pissed off and not shy about it. She hisses anytime she sees the kitten and growls if she gets too close. We kept them separated for a few days and allowed supervised visitation for a few hours at a time. Serena is no threat to Sammy, as she runs away and hides if Sammy approaches too quickly.
Serena is officially not speaking to anyone in the family. We refer to this as the "teenager cat syndrome." My parent's cat Toby did the same thing when baby Tigger appeared. Occasionally Serena will allow a few seconds of chin rubbing or ear scratching, but there is no purring, there is no sleeping at the foot of the bed, there is no drooling. I am actually ok with that last one.
Sammy has provided my husband with a little diversion and a little kitty comfort. It has been such a good thing for him.
He is hurting in a way that I can not even imagine - he's not even 30 yet and his dad was only 63. How do you deal with the loss of a parent? Also, my husband is something of a late bloomer - and by that I mean that until about 3 years ago he was living in his parent's basement, drinking his way through college and working at the station as a student ($6.75 and hour). Now suddenly he's a husband and a dad and a homeowner. This whole "grown up" thing is hard to get used to... and now he has this responsibility to his mother and his father is gone. I imagine he feels like there is no net below him, no light to guide him and a lot of unbalanced weight on his shoulders.
The kitten, though, is giving him moments of laughter. She climbs on him and settles next to his ear with her loud purr, she chases her tail and the other cat and shadows. Last night we were talking and he was very sad and in the conversational pauses where I would be saying "Uh huh" or "oh" she was "murrping." Does your cat do that? It's a cross between a meow and a purr. He couldn't help but laugh, which made her roll around and be cute. I'm so glad we got that kitten.
Bean picked out another kitten originally. A tiny, jumpy little thing. Sammy is about 4 months old and is much more sturdy and settled. As I was getting ready to complete the adoption with "Muffin," Bean said, "Mom, there's this other kitten I like." I was sort of annoyed because just five minutes before she was certain that "Muffin" was the kitten for us. But picking out a kitten is not something you want to rush. She took me over to Sammy's cage and Sammy stretched out on her side, sticking both paws between the bars. She murrped and closed her eyes and purred. "Wow," I said. Bean nodded and said, "I know."
When I left this morning, the husband was asleep (finally) and the kitten was curled up on him with her chin sort of tucked into the side of his neck. I could hear her purr from the door. I believe that cats sense moods and I believe in the healing powers of purr. When I was about twelve weeks pregnant with Bean I was on bed rest for spotting. We had two cats (the small one was 20 pounds) and they stayed beside me purring the whole time I was in bed. They would position themselves so that they were on either side of my hips with their heads resting on my tummy. When they moved it was one across my tummy and one across my thighs. They were protecting the baby.
Now Sammy is "in charge" of the husband. I know that a kitten will not fix the hurt and sadness that he is feeling, but she is doing something important and I love her for it.

My father in law died last night. Hospice was with him - we arrived soon after. It is so hard on my husband and his mother, but for him it's better that it was over so fast.
I don't have much to say about it or anything else today. The funeral is Tuesday...

Who Am I Kidding??

I left my breakfast yogurt on the kitchen counter this morning and didn't stop for anything on the way in. When I got to work there was a caramel chocolate silk pecan pie. I walked by it like I didn't even see it and then sat here at my desk thinking about it. I was going to just let it go. Not eat the pie, resist the sugar.
Right.
It was really good!!

So I did buy a tree on Sunday and we put it up and that inspired me to unpack and organize. We're not done, but there has been real progress over the last few days. Today is trash day so I got rid of a LOT of boxes and, you know, stuff. It is still amazing to me how much crap we have that doesn't go anywhere or belong with anything but that we still can't manage to get rid of.
Tonight I'm having dinner with a new friend - someone from my knitting group - and then we're going to decorate the poor naked tree.
Can I just say? I love my knitting group. A lot. I have made really good friends and have branched out a lot in terms of what I'll knit. Our group was in the newspaper not long ago and every meeting seems to bring new members and that is so cool!
I am not much of a joiner. And by that I mean, I would rather sit at home in my jammies and watch TV and read and knit than try something new and despite all outward appearances I am terribly shy and convinced that every new encounter is a potential for ridicule. I almost didn't go to the first knitting meeting because I had a panic attack on the way there. I was convinced that I would spill coffee all over myself - or someone else and their expensive dry-clean-only yarn. Or I would say something stupid. Or suddenly have Tourette's syndrome or something. The husband urged me to go and then I met K and everyone was nice. And I got to know some members through their blogs (Hi Lia! Glad Sahale is better. Hi Jackie! Ready for Christmas?). And others through meetings. And Bean has made friends. I feel really lucky, but also really proud of myself. I think the things that frighten us can sometimes hide opportunities. If I had not gone to the meeting despite my anxiety I would not have met all of these wonderful women.
I don't do New Year's Resolutions. They're forced and I always break them. Usually within the first 24 hours. But I did make an effort to explore the things that make me anxious. I think it's worked out pretty well - I bought a house, I joined a group, I worked at Hospice in nursing homes, I revisited my feelings about anti-depressants.
I called my sister. Yup. I called her and left a message about Christmas Eve and let her know what time we'd be getting together and then I asked her what to get for my nephew. He (literally) circled everything that was not a doll in the Toys R Us Big Book at my parent's house. That does not narrow it down. That was Sunday night. Apparently I am still not forgiven.
Seriously. I'm alternating between anger and hurt and have found a nice middle ground between the two and it feels like crap. But at least I called her. At least I made an effort.
Knit on, Knitters! I have a little more on the back and then the second sleeve still to go on the shrug. I'm hoping to knit a lot today. Wish me luck!!

The best thing about yesterday...

... is that I never have to do it again.

The best thing about today? I have a lunch date with Lara. And also? It's Sunday so the new Target sale ad is out. I was going to wait until after Christmas to try to buy a new Christmas tree but they're on sale this week at Target. The pretty, pre-lit ones. Hmmmmmmm.
It would be really cool to have a new tree up and ready to decorate when Bean comes home tomorrow. We could even bake cookies or something. I have been actively unpacking in the living room and am making progress. If I do not come home from my lunch date (and Target) and take a long nap I might finish the living room today. That would rock. I was up late with the husband last night, though, and was up at early-as-fuck-thirty this morning for work.

My father in law is not settling in well at all. My husband and his mom are more or less inconsolable. From a "social worker" standpoint everything looks pretty typical and the nursing home is nice and clean and they seem to be pretty good about cleaning and changing the patients. From a family member standpoint it is scary and he is not getting individualized attention and he's alone and scared and wants to come home.
Everything that can be done is being done and it will all be over soon... it's sad that that is the most comforting thing I can say to either of them.

Right, so Merry Christmas?

I have completely lost track of who I have and have not bought gifts for. I bought the coolest thing for my brother (who is seriously impossible to shop for) and then I drew his name in the family drawing... I should back up - we meet Christmas Eve in the afternoon with my mom's family at my grandmother's house (well, my house now) for a late lunch and then we exchange gifts with them. We draw names at Thanksgiving and only have to buy for one person. It's sort of nice. Then later that night we go to my parent's house, minus the grandmother and the uncle we don't like (who is married to the aunt we do like) to exchange gifts as a family. So this year I drew my brother's name and need to buy two gifts for him... which would be fine if he weren't so impossible. He's 20, buys clothes at thrift shops, has very eccentric taste in music and doesn't read or watch DVD's. The husband drew the uncle that we don't like and so I also have to come up with something for him. Maybe a nice sweater or something. Bah humbug.

Here's the other thing I don't like about Christmas - and then I'll stop complaining about it, I promise. You have to buy gifts for people you don't want to talk to, let alone spend money on. That uncle, my sister, my dad (the bad one, not the good one). And then there are people I want to buy gifts for, but I don't want them to feel like they're obligated to reciprocate.

I need to cook something. A ham or some other wintery comfort food. Maybe some chili... We bought a membership to Sam's Club yesterday - that was our afternoon diversion. It was way to early in the day to start drinking heavily so we went in for some retail therapy. It was also "sample Saturday" so we got a snacky bonus, too. We were fairly restrained in our purchasing, but I did buy a ginormous box of brownie mix. The husband was like a small child at FAO Schwartz. He saw a gallon jug of Frank's Hot Sauce and I thought he was going to break out in song. As diversions go it was pretty good. Strange, I know, but effective.

I think I am going to buy that tree. And I'm going to focus on the living room today. We could really use some holiday cheer at home. And while I'm at the Super Target I'll buy something hearty that needs to be simmered for dinner.

Small, Good Things

This weekend is turning into a study of opposite emotions.

Watch:

The new Knitty is out!! There are some really great patterns - including one by Becca. I might just let Bean grow her hair out so that I can make one of those for her!! Actually, my sister often puts her daughter's hair in piggie tails so maybe I'll make one for her. (A knitted olive branch, so to speak).

I was going to spend this whole weekend unpacking, but today I have to drive to a town an hour away for a funeral and then I'm going to go visit my father in law in the nursing home. We got him settled in yesterday... when they came for him he was wearing sweat pants and a hooded sweatshirt and up on the gurney all bundled in he looked so small and vulnerable. It was like sending a seven-year-old to sleep away camp. I went on to the Walgreens website last night and had prints made of three of our wedding pictures. One of Bean, one of the husband and I and one of my in-laws. I'm putting them in frames for his room. He also needed socks so I went to Wal Mart late last night and I was standing in front of the wall 'o socks and I suddenly had no idea what socks to buy. I was anxious about picking exactly the right kind - as though picking the right socks would be his talisman and the wrong socks would make everything worse.

Before Wal Mart and sock anxiety I went to dinner and a movie (Stranger than Fiction, yes, it's very good) with Andie and Kerri and another woman from work. We have invited her before but this is the first time she has decided to come. She's really quite shy and her husband died a year ago - this whole year has been really difficult for her. I was really glad she came and we all had a nice time.

The husband is not dealing with any of this very well. Nothing new there. When I got home last night he was tipsy... which is to say he was so drunk he was easy to tip over. He and his idiot friend were drinking and playing video games until very very late. I think he came to bed around 4. He has not been working as much as he said we would be - and while I understand that this week has been really emotionally challenging, EVERY week has been emotionally challenging. Every single one. I wish I could sneak some of my new happy pills into his water every morning. I wish he would quit drinking so much.

Tomorrow Lara and I are meeting for lunch!! I haven't seen her for a long time and I am really looking forward to talking to her. (Hi, Lara! Is it Sunday yet?)

I think that this list really makes the case for small, simple good things making all the difference. There are a lot of serious and sad and frustrating things going on, but the small things are keeping me afloat. I think that's an important thing to remember, and I think that's why choosing socks for my father in law became so suddenly important.

I'm going to try to remember to find small god things when I need them and provide small good things to others when I don't.

I'm knitting! I'm knitting!!

My hands are cooperating so far. I have finished the first sleeve and am working on the back of Bean's shrug. It knits flat so there will be some sewing (ack!) and I positioned it around her arm and the wrist is a teeny bit tight but the rest of it seems like it will fit well. Maybe I can figure out a way to add a little to it as I'm sewing it up. (Suggestions welcome, don't be shy).

(Some not so happy stuff to follow - just a warning).

I had a dream last night that I went to the Hospice office and everyone kept saying they were so sorry that my father in law died. I said, "No, you must mean that DG died." When I got to Hospice today I found out that DG died last night. Weird timing. It's sad, but he had declined so fast that it's really so much better for him to not be fighting anymore.

My father in law is going to a nursing home tomorrow. There is this strange relief that my husband and his mom are feeling. They feel guilty about not being able to take care of him at home but they also know that he will be better off not at home. I doubt he has more than a few more weeks left.

Back to knitting... it's my therapy and I'm on a deadline.

Pretending to work

I'm getting really good at it. I've spent the morning playing Sims 2 on my phone and spider solitaire on my computer. I've checked my email and eaten lunch and finished a paper I have to hand in today. I had a "meeting" with Andie in the control room and now I'm blogging. I'm killing time until I have to go to class... and waiting for the UPS guy to bring my Knitpicks yarn. But I am becoming scary good at this pretending to work thing. There are things I can be doing, but then what would I do on the weekends??
They will be so much better off without me!! They will actually hire someone who will do actual work... and it's not like my job isn't getting done! It's just that it doesn't take me very long to do the things I need to do. I can't believe I get paid for this.
I am no longer allowed to complain about how much money I don't make.

Time for class!!

I don't know where they came from!

I really don't! I was just sitting here at work, you know, working and stuff when the mailman showed up with these three knitting books! I am totally innocent. I would never order stuff for myself this close to Christmas. And I know that the LAST think I need is more books.

Zen and the Art of Knitting by Bernadette Murphy
Felted Knits by Beverly Galeskas
and
Knitted Toys by Zoe Mellor

Under the category of "progress" my hand still hurts but I was able to eat with chopsticks today at lunch. That's a good sign, right??

My Knitpicks order for Bean's shrug should be here tomorrow, and since it must be done by the 14th (what was I thinking???) I'll have to start on it right away and knit through. It's not like I have anything else to do, right?? I DID unpack several (ok, three) boxes last night and I put the new sweeper away. The husband will be at work when I get home today and I generally get a lot more done when he's not home. I am not entirely sure why this is.

I made dinner again last night - a Rachel Ray recipe that I watched a few days ago - smoked pork chops fried (in EVOO) with onions and apples and then the last step involves deglazing the pan with dark German beer. Seriously. And we ate as a family at the dinner table for the first time in our new house. It was really nice.

Must find my camera by tomorrow to document the knitting progress of the shrug. (I think I can, I think I can).

Bean and I are having lunch today from our Laptop Lunches. I hope she likes hers as much as I like mine!! Tuna salad sandwiches and crackers and an apple and she has cheese in hers - there was only one round left so she got it. It's the right size and the variety makes it seem like more food.

I read an article recently that was talking about blogs... it was called something like "Nobody cares what you had for lunch." Sorry, but it really was a good lunch and the new lunchboxes are really cool. And I ate something besides fast food and sugar. Yay me! When we got our lunchboxes there were a few broken things and I called today and they were very cool about it and are sending out replacement parts. That's the coolest part yet.

I turned my keys in to the landlord today (finally). We are totally done with that house. It is such a great feeling. He asked me if I knew anyone else looking to rent. As if! First of all, almost everyone I know is in the market to buy a house and SECOND, that house was a disgusting death trap. I wouldn't encourage someone I hate to rent that house. Jeez.

Now I must unpack. I did manage to unpack three boxes in the kitchen last night - and I cooked dinner. Yes, I cooked dinner. Actual food that was not from a restaurant OR the grocery store deli. And I loaded the dishwasher and showed the husband how to start it so there are officially NO EXCUSES for dishes to be in the sink. Yay!

Well, looks like another short blog again today... when I unpack my camera I'll try to get more pictures in!

Anyone have an extra clue I can borrow??

So here's how not smart I am. How very, very out of touch with reality I really am. See this lovely shrug? This lovely, ruffled shrug?

I just ordered the pattern and the yarn... and paid extra to put a rush on the shipping of the yarn and pattern so that I could knit this in black to go over a red short-sleeved dress I bought for Bean to wear to her Holiday concert ON DECEMBER FOURTEENTH. For fuck's sake.

Oh, and I still haven't managed to knit anything at all yet, what with the pain in my hand and all.

Um, and I have never knitted a shrug. Or ruffles.

But we were out today and she saw this pretty red dress with short sleeves (in DECEMBER, people! Would it really be too much to ask for designers to clue in to the fact that we want our daughters to not catch pneumonia in their Christmas dresses??) that would look fantastic with a little wrap. We couldn't find one to match it in the store, but she looked at me and said, "You could knit something like that though, right?" And I heard myself say, "Sure! I'll look for a pattern tonight!"

For the love of sheep.

So IF it comes when it is supposed to (Wednesday) I will have a week and part of a day to make something I have never made before. All 5 skeins worth.

And I haven't unpacked my house yet, either.

Optimism? Really??

I am trying to remain (uncharacteristically) optimistic about my right hand. The tendon issue isn't much better this morning. (Perhaps I ought NOT to type, eh?)
I downloaded some nice wintry patterns to go with the snow (that should melt by Monday - it's warming up considerably in the next few days). Surely by next weekend I'll be able to knit again, right? I am still in a bit of shock about all the snow. We never get that much snow. In recent years we've had three to five inches of ICE at a time, but rarely have we gotten the big flake, packable, drifty snow.
I hate feeling pukey in the mornings. I feel like I did when I was pregnant with Bean - sort of a carsick/spinning around/bad food combo feeling. If I were pregnant I would embrace this pukey-ness. I, of course, am decidedly not pregnant. The irony of the whole situation is that I feel so shitty in the morning because of the anti-depressant I am taking before bed. The anti-depressant I am taking before bed is helping me get through the fact that I feel shitty and am not pregnant. Of course, it's also helping me get through the Holidays and the, you know, Regular-days without snapping. Or collapsing. Or staying in bed for days and days and days at a time. (I love you, Cymbalta).
Speaking of pregnant, my cousin is going to have another baby (yay!!). She's such a good mom. And I have a baby to knit for!! A baby whose mommy will appreciate it. A baby whose mommy is not an idiot. A baby whose mommy does not knit!! (If I lived closer I'd work on that one). So my hand must heal. My hand must return to knitty functional. There is a baby coming in May who needs hand-knits.

Knitting Hurts.

I don't know what to do. I have done something to my hand during the move and all of the carrying and cleaning and disassembling and reassembling and stuff. It's a tendon or something in my little finger... I tried to work on Bean's log cabin blanket (yes, I'm still working on that) and I can't even garter stitch. This sucks. A lot.

In other knitting news, I am in love with my DVR... I set it to record Knitty Gritty. I could never remember when it was on and always ended up watching the same episode. There are only so many times you can watch them make an illusion scarf. This episode was about making a scarf and wrist warmers using the Fibonacci sequence. I don't know that I would have used the yarns they did... I was not really fond of the finished product... scraggly and furry is apparently "in" right now. Oh well.

I spent most of the day in bed today... serious headache and after yesterday I needed some time to not move. At all. I watched a couple of judge shows and a movie and I slept a lot. Then I got up and went to work (and took some more headache medicine) and picked Bean up from her dad's house. Tonight was the book club and we had a really nice time... but now my headache is coming back and I'm pissed that I can't knit and I want another seven or eight days like today (minus the headache) to sleep and watch bad TV and not do anything.

Tomorrow I have to work early and then I need to go and see my "difficult" patient. He's not so difficult anymore... he is declining really fast and my boss said she thought he might not last the weekend. It is really sad - I know that he is alone because of the choices he made in his life, but even people who make horrible choices deserve to have some peace at the end of their lives. I hope his son comes this weekend.