Small, Good Things

This weekend is turning into a study of opposite emotions.

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The new Knitty is out!! There are some really great patterns - including one by Becca. I might just let Bean grow her hair out so that I can make one of those for her!! Actually, my sister often puts her daughter's hair in piggie tails so maybe I'll make one for her. (A knitted olive branch, so to speak).

I was going to spend this whole weekend unpacking, but today I have to drive to a town an hour away for a funeral and then I'm going to go visit my father in law in the nursing home. We got him settled in yesterday... when they came for him he was wearing sweat pants and a hooded sweatshirt and up on the gurney all bundled in he looked so small and vulnerable. It was like sending a seven-year-old to sleep away camp. I went on to the Walgreens website last night and had prints made of three of our wedding pictures. One of Bean, one of the husband and I and one of my in-laws. I'm putting them in frames for his room. He also needed socks so I went to Wal Mart late last night and I was standing in front of the wall 'o socks and I suddenly had no idea what socks to buy. I was anxious about picking exactly the right kind - as though picking the right socks would be his talisman and the wrong socks would make everything worse.

Before Wal Mart and sock anxiety I went to dinner and a movie (Stranger than Fiction, yes, it's very good) with Andie and Kerri and another woman from work. We have invited her before but this is the first time she has decided to come. She's really quite shy and her husband died a year ago - this whole year has been really difficult for her. I was really glad she came and we all had a nice time.

The husband is not dealing with any of this very well. Nothing new there. When I got home last night he was tipsy... which is to say he was so drunk he was easy to tip over. He and his idiot friend were drinking and playing video games until very very late. I think he came to bed around 4. He has not been working as much as he said we would be - and while I understand that this week has been really emotionally challenging, EVERY week has been emotionally challenging. Every single one. I wish I could sneak some of my new happy pills into his water every morning. I wish he would quit drinking so much.

Tomorrow Lara and I are meeting for lunch!! I haven't seen her for a long time and I am really looking forward to talking to her. (Hi, Lara! Is it Sunday yet?)

I think that this list really makes the case for small, simple good things making all the difference. There are a lot of serious and sad and frustrating things going on, but the small things are keeping me afloat. I think that's an important thing to remember, and I think that's why choosing socks for my father in law became so suddenly important.

I'm going to try to remember to find small god things when I need them and provide small good things to others when I don't.