Um... Fortune Cookies ARE Random, Right?

Here was my fortune last night:

"Your loyalty is a virtue, but not when it's wedded to blind stubbornness."

Anyone else have the little hairs on the back of their neck stand up? Just me? OK.

They Want Me! They Really Want Me!!

I finally got my Ravelry invite!! I totally feel like the geeky girl who gets invited to the cool party. Oh wait - I am the geeky girl who gets invited to the cool party. Crap. Anyway, it is still really exciting. It is going to take me a long time to add all of my books and stash... but the first step is to admit that you have a problem so maybe it will be good for me to have it all out there, ya know?

Also, thanks to a tip from Jackie I signed up on this cool book website - Good Reads. If you are a reader check it out - it's great fun. Though I will admit that it sort of makes me want to read more impressive books. No more Nora Roberts for me! Time to dust off the books I was supposed to read as an English major. And again with the long time to add my books. And also the admitting that I have a problem. But seriously? If the things I am addicted to owning are books and yarn (and books about yarn) then who am I really hurting?!? It's not crack! Not even books about crack. And of all the bad habits I'm going to pass along to my child, a love of yarn and books is probably the least harmful.

Neck is better. For now. Husband relations are also better. For now. (Alli pointed out that those tow things seem to work together. Yup. There is an entire muscle group that my massage therapist refers to as "husband shit"). I spend a lot of time muttering, "For better and for worse. For better and for worse."

He is in the apology phase. Even suggested a date night tomorrow night. As in he wants to leave the house and spend money. Weird.

I know that he needs to be medicated and until I figure out a way to get him to do that (Or run out of patience and leave him) this is where we are. I recognize his anger - I was this angry last fall before I decided it was time to medicate. I was angry all the time. Crazy angry. At everyone. He hasn't crossed any lines that shouldn't be crossed (so calm down Mama Bears - you know who you are) and it is not fun but it's OK for now.

And Bean is fine. Really. If she weren't we'd be gone. She's as mystified as everyone else as to why he won't just get some help. She asked if all boys were (her words) "this ridiculous and stubborn. " I said that in my experience, all people had the potential to be this "ridiculous and stubborn" and that we should all keep an eye out for signs of it in ourselves.

One more little knitting thing... I finished my Sockapalooza socks!! And I'm really happy with them. I hope you like them, Alli!

Missing a Day

I lost a whole day yesterday.

Friday night Bean and I went to see The Simpsons Movie. The husband actually wanted to see this one but still wouldn't go. Not even for popcorn.

Anyway, we got home and he was in a really good mood and everything was great... then at some point (close to 1 am, after Bean was asleep) he got really critical about what Bean is learning in school and how she's "wasting" her summer and how I ignore every opinion he has about her.

I don't think she is wasting her summer. In the last year her stepmother lost her best friend to cancer, her stepsister lost her best friend to a car accident and her grandfather died. In the last year she has watched her stepfather disintegrate (in direct response to his father's death). He has not had a job for six months. In the last year she has seen the new un-relationship I have with my sister and witnessed a pretty serious fight between her dad and his family. In the last year both of her parents have moved to new houses. In the last year she has started her period, learned real lessons about the bitchy little girls in school, started wearing a bra and had an unrequited crush on a boy in her class. And she's not stupid. She knows that there is tension in our house.

I figured she was due for a few months when all she had to do is read books and write and knit and watch tv. If she stays up late reading and doesn't wake up until noon who cares? It's summer vacation!

I went on the defensive and things turned ugly pretty fast. I honestly don't remember the really bad parts of the fight. It feels like something swollen and uncomfortable.
I do remember that I didn't cry and I didn't raise my voice at all. For me that's not a good sign.
At the end he was baiting me, pushing every button he knows to get me upset. And none of it worked. This went on until about 5 am.

Then he left. I took a xanax.

I assume he went to his mother's house, but I don't know for sure. He came home at some point yesterday. I slept until Bean got up at noon and then we had lunch. She wanted to watch a movie so I claimed migraine and took another xanax and woke up again around 7. By then he was home. Bean and I got some dinner - he said he wasn't hungry.

Then I went back to bed.
He came to bed at some point, too. He was playing with the cat and it woke me and I asked him to stop. He said, "Oh are we speaking now?"
I rolled over and went back to sleep.

At 6 I got up and came to work.

Something New!!

I am going to do something I have never done before.
I am going to the Stitch and Bitch at my Local Yarn Store.
I have gone to "workshops" at the other place. But you pay for the experience and she is only sometimes very nice.
Shelly at Twist is lovely. And smiles. And has couches and Rowan and sock yarn and... breathe. Must breathe.

I am also hoping that Shelly can help me add 4 extra inches or so to a sweater pattern that I want to knit. And then sell me the yarn. It's going to be expensive.

But the Funding Source That Must Not Be Named (aka Student Loan Fairy) will be making a deposit soon and what's a girl to do?? Put money in savings? Such silliness. There is a wonderful new yarn store that needs my encouragement.
Also, I have completed the paperwork etc. for my new job and I start on the 5th. That means We will actually be able to make out house payment and pay our bills - on time - without help from anyone.

Of course, the husband is still looking for a job and that will also... um... help. A-hem.

He is doing better I guess. We have had a few discussions and I think we're speaking the same language. We're not always, and I am fully aware of that. Like the other night when he lapsed into "helpless man" and couldn't find his ass with both hands and a map. It doesn't even matter what he was looking for. He was frantic because it was gone and somehow (at 2 am) this was my problem as well. It went something like this:

"Woman! Man not find thing. You get up and find thing for man."
"Let me just plug in the uterine tracking device and we'll see. Though, you know I've been having problems in that area so it might take more time than usual to find it. And also I'm asleep just now."
"Man not find nothing. Man mad."
"Did you check on the table in the living room?"
"Of course Man check table! Man check everywhere. Man not find. Man ask you after man check table. Woman think man stupid?"
Um...
"Here is is, honey. On the table where I said it was. I'm going back to sleep now."

To his credit, he did call to apologize for being an ass... but then at the last second he got all defensive about it because I "wasn't taking him seriously."
Brother.

One of these days there will be this really loud popping sound that echoes across the whole planet. That will be my husband removing his head from his ass. There will be celebrations and fireworks. And lots and lots of chocolate cake. You'll all be invited.

Random Things

It's my 300th post. Wow. Who knew I had so much to say? (I mean, who besides anyone who actually knows me!)

*****

Here's how I spent last night:
7pm - 1am: zonked out on pain meds
1am - 3am: ate dinner and watched Pan's Labyrinth
3am - 9am: "Ow, fuckity fuck," *(turn over, spend 5 minutes trying to find the exact pillow configuration that makes my neck happy) "ahhhhh" (wait 5 minutes) "OW, fuckity fuck," (repeat from *).
I was afraid if I took more pain meds I would sleep through my alarm (again). My neck is not better. I have a little more mobility today, but at night there is this spasm thing that is NOT working. In the right position I can forget about it for hours. Unfortunately that position changes regularly.
I have done this before. All I can do is wait it out. And use heat and ice. And take lots of ibuprofen and pain meds at night. And promise myself that as soon as I figure out what causes this I will never, ever do it again.

*****

I was on my way to work (after a brief training session at my new job) and instead of stopping at Sonic (which I really wanted) I stopped at a health food store and got my lunch there. The downside? They don't have Route 44 Diet Dr.Pepper... so no caffeine for me today. But fiber? Fiber we have. In spades.

*****

The new yarn store opened yesterday. It's beautiful! I ran into Lia buying yarn. I didn't buy any yarn for myself - but Bean wanted to get some yarn and start a log-cabin blanket. In true Bean style, the first six skeins she picked were more than $15 each. Ummm... nope. But she does have good taste. She finally picked out some really pretty colors in Berroco Cotton Twist.
I spent part of the time I was awake yesterday trying to pick out a sweater pattern to buy yarn for. It's quite an investment! I'm thinking something in Rowan would make me happy.

*****

My doctor's office did call me back. They were very helpful. But it seems to me that if I need one pill to make things go and one pill to make things stop maybe they should just remove everything and let me go on my merry way. Clearly I am broken. My infertility specialist called it a "software problem" as opposed to a "hardware problem." He asserts that software is easier to fix than hardware. Pills instead of surgeries. Bleh. I'm ready to throw the whole operating system out the window and forget the whole thing.
Next time I get to be the boy.

*****

I forgot how much I love Netflix. I love them.

*****

Finishing my sockapalooza socks soon! Mailing in a week!!!

Waiting...

(This is probably one of those Too Much Information posts I have been accused of writing from time to time. It involves health issues... of the female kind. You've been warned. Carry on).

I hate waiting.
I should be more specific... I don't mind waiting for a specific event that is to occur at a specific time. For example, I love to go to the movies early just so I have time to sit where I want (middle, middle) and knit or talk to Andie. That kind of waiting is not a problem for me.
Right now I'm waiting for my doctor to call me back. That kind of waiting makes me absolutely crazy.

Hi. Dr. N? I know that you're crazy busy, what with all of the sick people and all, but I promise not to take up too much of your time.

Without getting too specific (or graphic) something didn't happen for three months and then I took ten days of progesterone and now that something has been happening steadily for over a month... with cramps. It needs to stop. Seriously.
So I called my doctor's office and left a message. When the person at the DOCTOR'S office says "Oh, dear!" when you leave your message there is a problem.

So I'm waiting.

Harry Potter, Yarn and other Randomness...

Yes, I finished the book. Sunday morning at about 1 - roughly 24 hours after I started it.
No, I am not going to talk about it.
I am fully aware that there are lots and lots of people who don't read as fast as I do and loads of people who DO read as fast as I do who were not at all willing to devote their entire day to reading, sleeping and eating. (Really not a bad way to spend a Saturday, actually).

Bean and I also went to our new LYS Twist to take them lunch. They open on Tuesday and we wanted to make sure that in their efforts to have everything perfect they remembered to eat. They're working as fast as they can to get the yarn on the shelves and in the bins and on the hooks... I am soooooo excited about this yarn shop. I got to feel the yarn and see the yarn and (sigh). It's just exactly what a yarn shop should be! There are couches and yarn and needles and books and a really nice and smiling lady who is more than happy to make you feel welcome and help you buy yarn for your project.
Just before Shelly started mentioning her intention to open this store... it was probably a Thursday or Friday because there was a chunk of time before I had to pick Bean up from school. I was driving around and thinking that I wished there were somewhere I could go and just sit and knit for a couple of hours. I didn't want to go home because there are a thousand things I should be doing at home, and I didn't want to go to a restaurant... I just wanted to sit and knit.
As of Tuesday I will have that and I couldn't be more pleased.

My neck still hurts... but it's absolutely much better than last week. Heat and rest (and reading) apparently were just the things I needed to feel better. I was sort of sad that there are no real wizards and witches. I wish I had a wand and magical powers. I think my favorite thing about these stories (I am not spoiling anything, I promise) is that even though they had powers to do really cool things that would surely make life easier there was no sense that life was at all easier. There are problems and issues, magical powers or not, that you just have to make it through - with a little determination, a little luck and a little bit of support from your friends. Corny? Maybe. But certainly true.

OK, off to knit socks... I am almost to the heel of Alli's second sock. Almost time to mail them, too!

Strange and Exciting

Strange: I got up early yesterday morning and put makeup on and got ready to go to my second interview. At 8 they called and said they didn't actually need to meet with me... they just wanted to make sure I was available all day so that they could offer me the job and then send me to pee in a cup. Remember how much fun that was last year? What I have not mentioned (as it is neither strange OR exciting) is that my neck is all jacked up right now and since I am out of muscle relaxers I took a dose of my migraine medicine Wednesday night. As in the night before yesterday morning. As in the night before Jason called to tell me all I have to do to get the job is pee in a cup. Fuuuuuuuuck. So I called HR and they were very cool and I explained the whole migraine medicine issue and they said, no problem. If something shows up someone will call you, just have your prescription numbers available. No problem.
Here's the strange part: I got there and then I couldn't pee. At all. Dry as the Sahara. I can always pee. Always. I have to pee right now, actually. I left and went out to lunch and drank a LOT of Diet Coke and an hour later I was fine. And for the rest of the day I could have submitted enough samples for the entire graduating class at KU Med School.

Exciting: Jason called a minute ago... I passed the test and have the job. I start August 5th. Yay me. Apparently they don't test for barbiturates. Interesting.

Exciting: Andie is back in town!!! Woo hoo!!!

Exciting: Harry Potter movie AND book release tonight!!!

Exciting: I got my very own Sock Monkey Bag in the mail today and promptly put my Sockapalooza sock-in-progress in it. Loving this bag. And she will custom-make them if you don't happen to like monkeys. But who doesn't like monkeys?!?

Hi, it's HOT

Send ice. And also vodka.
The air conditioner in the car seems to be slowly coming to life. I have tried not to run it at all, and if it were just hot I probably wouldn't, but it is so humid that it is difficult to breathe. Until today the air conditioner didn't so much "condition" the air as "move it around in a not very cooling way until I gave up and opened the windows." Today there was actually a difference in temperature.
I graduate in two years. Assuming I will then be making enough money to cover the house payment and the crushing student loan debt with enough left over for food and yarn I am selling the SUV and buying the "greenest" car I can find.

I am excited for the knitting meeting tonight. I haven't been knitting much at all. Harry Potter sort of took over the last few days and I read constantly. And by constantly I mean I read books 5 and 6 in four days. Yup. Constantly.

I am almost done with my first sockapalooza sock - I have a little over two weeks before I have to mail them. New Harry Potter book not withstanding, I should have plenty of time to finish. And then I will get on with the monkey socks. AND despite my firm understanding that I have no money (none, not even a little bit) I ordered one of these Monkey Sock Bags because they are so freaking cute and they are only $12 and I had to have one. Don't judge me. Go look at them and then tell me you don't want one.

60 days until the Harlot visits. But who's counting?

Harlot Dreams...

The Best Bookstore in the World has arranged for a visit from The Yarn Harlot in September. (And the date has managed to not clash with Bean's birthday, Kerri's wedding or the bachelorette slumber party). I am beside myself with glee.
I am also full to the brim with fantasies about how I will meet Her and we will instantly be best friends and then we will have dinner and then we will knit.
Sigh.
Last night I had a dream about Her.
Seriously.
It was really funny, Gwen was there and Lia and Jackie and The Fabulous Bookstore Women and, of course, Shelly... lots of real people. And in the dream I hugged Her and she sort of patted my shoulder and said, "Oh look at that yarn over there!" And hurried away. At some point in the dream Gwen asked me to walk her dog... don't know what that's about, and there was shopping and then we all went to The Anchor for dinner... because, of course, they have a smoke-free room and vegetarian options on the menu and a wide selection of beer on tap.

Of course, I also had a dream that I was a police investigator and accidentally shot someone.

Anyway...

In other news:

I had a really good weekend - I made bread and Kerri and I almost made cheese on Saturday. Sunday I had lunch with a good friend and then we shopped for fabric and used books. I also got a nice, long nap on Sunday and also went to a movie. I feel really refreshed and ready to have a good week!

I think I got the job I interviewed for last week... I got an email today asking if I could come in from 8-4 some day this week. I haven't actually been offered the job, but 8 hours is a long time for just another interview, right? So Thursday I'm going back in!


I would love to post pictures of my knitting but I can't. I'm working on my sockapalooza socks and can't show pictures until Alli gets them. I will give two hints: "Chapman Springs", and "Because they're stranded." I can't wait to send this package!!


I have also been reading... I promised Andie I wouldn't see the new Harry Potter movie without her (she's out of town until Wednesday) so I'm reading book 5 again. I'll probably re-read book 6 also so that I'm ready on Friday at midnight! The Best Bookstore in the World is having a Harry Potter Party from 9 to midnight. I guess every bookstore in the world is doing that... but this one is special. So here's the plan for Friday: See the movie and then race over to the bookstore for the party. Good times.

Things at home have been relatively peaceful... we've been talking (as opposed to "discussing") and we actually went out to a movie last night. Together.

Encouraging.

Gritting and Knitting

I got to work this morning in the middle of the Bush conference. Ugh. Just his voice makes me grit my teeth. Is it 2008 yet???

Last night I got all of my Mystery Stole supplies together... I bought a crochet hook and beads a few days ago, and even though I bought the smallest hook they had (at Wal Mart) it still would not go through the beads. So I looked online and found that I needed a size 13 hook... or much larger beads (mine are 6/0). Please don't confuse me with someone who knows what the hell she's talking about. I got all of this online and had to write it down to remember. I went to Hobby Lobby with my little list and found a size 14 hook... impossibly small. What the hell do you use that thing for - you know, except for beading lace-weight yarn?
Moving on. So I got home and wound my yarn and set my directions up and got everything ready... and then I sucked. I re-started 4 times and then I gave up. I finally got the hang of placing the beads (the third time) and then I realized that I was supposed to be purling the wrong side and I was knitting... I decided it was not the day for lace knitting and put it all away and went to bed.

Today I have brought dpn's and sock yarn to work... I'm going to work on my sockapalooza socks!! I kept finding new patterns and new yarns and I have decided that I'm making it all way too complicated. I am going back to my sock-making roots and I'm going to knit one of the first socks I ever made in some of my favorite yarn. I can't get more specific than that because we have become good friends and have dropped the "secret" pretense and I know she reads my blog. (Hi Alli!) I have also found some really great goodies to include with her socks. You all know that I totally suck at holding on to gifts... as soon as I get the socks done I'm going to want to put them in the mail... I only have a few weeks to go. I can be strong.

I think.

Well, it's time to knit some socks.

Hi.

It's been a few days... the internets have died at home.
You might expect that I would have finished my Monkey socks, or even started my mystery stole. You'd be very disappointed.

Everything I've knitted in the last week has ended up in the frog pond. I can't seem to find that perfect yarn/pattern combination. I even started my sockapalooza socks (for the eleventy-billionth time) and the pooling bothered me so I frogged them last night. I've gotten to know my sock pal and she's so cool that I want her socks to be perfect. I also have not finished my socks for Katie-the-intern. I'm sort of in a knitting funk. I knit a few rows and then... bleh. Is it lack of energy? Is it depression? Am I suffering from some kind of brain damage??? Could I be turning into a (gasp) muggle? (Say it isn't so!)

Surely this will pass and I'll pick up my needles and click along happily and that clicking will be the metronome by which I will set the pace of my life.
Or something.
Right??

In other news, remember how I went to the doctor's office and I got on the scale and my weight had soared above that number? I am finally below that number again. Not by much, but less is less, ya know? I have not been eating as sensibly as I had planned, but I am making small, consistent changes. I must say that I have been craving something from Hostess recently. Anything - Twinkies, Sno-Balls, Cupcakes, Lemon Pies. I go to my Quik Trip and I walk all the way around to the other side of the store so I don't have to walk by them on the way to the fountain drinks. I know that I can have them, and when it feels less like a compulsion I might actually do that, but for now I'll wait this craving out.

The husband has been acting more like a husband lately... we even had a family Scrabble night last night. I totally kicked both their asses. And he's going to come swimming with us tonight. (We'll see if that one actually happens). Now all he has to do is add a job to the mix and we might be able to save ourselves a marriage!
(Note: I just called him and he's still in bed. It's 1:45. Maybe I have set my hopes too high once again).
Sigh.

In OTHER other news, my tomato plant as produced a baby tomato. It's green and perfect. There are also pinkie-sized green peppers and more basil than you can shake a stick at. I'm excited. We got a lot of rain recently so I was glad they were in pots so I could move them onto dry land. And by "a lot of rain" I mean so much rain that my friend Chris had a zucchini plant that died. A zucchini plant. Died. I was under the impression that you couldn't kill those. We'll see if she has ghostly apparitions of veg toward the end of July.

WHYWHYWHY?

Why do I do these things?? Only a few rows into Monkey and I have joined Mystery Stole 3.
It sounded fun.
And The Yarn Harlot is doing it.
And so is my sock pal.
And also about 5,000 other people.

I do love my monkey - I'll post pictures as soon as there is enough of it to photograph... I've been occupied lately and not knitting. Which certainly explains why I have given myself a new project to start. Jeez.

In other news - the book club meeting for Animal, Vegetable, Miracle is tomorrow and it has inspired a lot of us to "think globally, eat locally" as it were. A co-worker found a food coop that I'm thinking about joining and several of us are now planting our own food sources. The owner of the bookstore asked if I had made any cheese yet... she said she was going to surprise me with fresh cheese tomorrow but there are too many other things she has to get done before tomorrow.

I will be making some cheese. And also bread. I used to love to make bread... I'm not sure why I stopped.

I also got a few calls about applications I submitted. (Yes, I also think it is interesting that I put a few resumes on a few websites on SUNDAY and have already had some response).
I have an interview on Monday to be a part time case manager... I don't have the degree yet, but I do have a degree and my experience at Hospice behind me, so I'm hoping it all goes well. It's an evening/weekend thing and it's about 20 hours a week. Perfect enough, right?
Except that it's an offender assessment program.
I learned a lot about myself and about myself as a social worker at Hospice. I do have the "social worker" switch in my head. The one that provides the ability to look past whatever is surrounding the person in front of you and find the person part. To deal with that. It worked for the sickness and yuck of dealing with dying patients in nursing homes, I wonder if it translates to offenders?

We'll see. So I'll knit and I'll work two jobs and I'll see what happens next.

Don't look now...

there's a Monkey on your back... Watch out, baby who's back? Don't look now there's a monkey on ya!

(Anyone remember that song? Seriously, if you sing it to me I will buy you a margarita. Or margarita-colored yarn. Or something).

Pardon me while I get my 80's jam on. I may have to look for that album on iTunes. There is something really wrong with that as I actually owned that on a record. Yup, I said record. They were these large, round black things that old people got music from.

Anyhow... it's time to give in to the Monkey side. I have not tried Monkey socks yet, but one of my friends emailed me today that she is knitting them from Panda Cotton. And y'all know how I feel about Panda Cotton. And then I got a message that another friend of mine started a Monkey-A-Long. Damn it. I guess it's time to Monkey.

Why can't you do it? Why can't you set your monkey free?

Always giving into it -Do you love your monkey or do you love me?

Why can't you do it? Why do I have to share my baby with a monkey?

Pass the eyeliner (green) and the Bonnie Bell Lipsmackers (watermelon please) I'm off to the mall.

(I meant it about the singing. I will totally buy you a margarita if you know that song and sing it the next time I see you!!)

Sleeping Sickness?

I couldn't get to sleep at all Wednesday night... then Thursday I fell asleep before 7:30 and didn't wake up until about 4 in the morning. At 4 I got up and had a bowl of cereal and then went back to sleep. At 11 I got up and went to work but I was dizzy and rather shaky. I haven't done much beyond that since I got home on Friday. I haven't knit anything, haven't read anything, haven't even really watched TV. It's been on, obviously. It's ME for crying out loud. But I haven't been able to stay awake long enough to watch a whole movie. My head aches and I have difficulty focusing - eyesight and thoughts.
Are there tsetse flies in Kansas??
I suspect not. I suspect that I have some kind of virus.

I hope I feel better tomorrow, as I have decided to stop bitching about the fact that the husband hasn't found/won't find a job and find my own. I mentioned this last night and he said, "You can't work two jobs."
"Can."
"No you can't!"
"Were you paying attention at all last year?"
"That's crazy!"
"Agreed."
Agreed. It is crazy that I have to find another job.

But it was so blindingly obvious when I thought about it. I can't force him to get a job and I can't go get one for him so I'll just have to get one for myself.

"Welcome to Starbucks! Can I take your order?"