Except That I'm Too Tired to Breathe

So the good news is that I didn't have to use any of my precious few "PTO" hours for my sick day last week.
The bad news is that I have been working marathon hours. And not entirely on purpose. I even dream about clients. Seriously. All night. You'd think I could get some time off while I'm in my jammies at least!!

I don't even have a coherent narrative of what I did today... I know my day started with hastily gulped coffee for strength on my way to an appointment with one client and ended with an lesson to another client on how to use Amazon.com to buy used Sweet Valley High books (a lesson which I am uniquely qualified to teach). Somewhere in the middle I had to coax another client onto the bus by pretending to play "Red Rover" with him. And there was Valentine Bingo and dodge ball (heh heh, oh yeah). And there were several hours of paperwork and phone calls.

Tomorrow morning I have to get up and do it all over again.

And I'm too tired to breathe.

I'm not complaining, really. Four jobless months let me know that I am lucky to have this job. And I love it... but I do need to get a handle on my schedule. Even if I hadn't needed to make up 8 hours I would have been working these hours just because of how appointments were scheduled. I don't want to burn out. And I need to be home in the evenings before 8.

I also need to organize my kitchen and shopping list so that I can embrace all things Crock-pot.

Bean has been a real trooper. Last night I was back in time for her concert, so I haven't ENTIRELY abandoned her to the wolves. (Or, you know, cats).

I need a snack and I need a pillow.

What a week.

One of my clients died suddenly in her sleep, so the entire week felt surreal and gasping. I've only been at the company for four months (holy cats has it only been four months?!?) but I had a lot of one on one time with her. She was funny and caring and sweet and I am lucky that I got to know her. Tomorrow is the funeral, so I'm heading back to Mac in the morning. She had just survived cancer... and she had a cold last week, but otherwise appeared to be fine. Some of my coworkers had known her for more than ten years, so it's been rough on everyone.

I was also sick this week, sick enough to take the day off on Thursday. M died on Tuesday and all day I felt like I was going to throw up. The shock of it, and the increased adrenaline. Wednesday morning my head ached and my arms and legs felt leaden. I attributed this to grief... and the absolute last thing I wanted to do was face the other clients. My responsibility was to comfort them and help them through it... but I just didn't feel like I had the energy to deal with it.

Wednesday when I got home I made dinner (french bread and mozzarella grilled cheese with marinara sauce - my nummy twist on grilled cheese and tomato soup) and then went right to bed. Seriously. At 7:30.

When I woke up on Thursday my head was pounding and I was dizzy and everything hurt. I rarely call in sick - I don't have enough leave built up, and losing 8 hours somehow puts me more than 8 hours behind. But I slept and I slept and I slept, and then I had a restorative Icee from Walgreens... I do SO love Walgreens, and now they're even better what with the Icees and all.

This morning I felt better - not quite 100%, but good enough to make it through meetings and the metric ton of paperwork involved in the death of a client. Since I have to be in Mac tomorrow anyway I'm going to work a few make-up hours. While I hate working on Saturdays it will keep next week from kicking my ass!!

So laundry tonight... it's such a glamorous life I lead.

Potential

I am a relatively happy person.
(Shut up, I am too).
I have a great kid, my friends are amazing, I love my job. I am proud of my accomplishments... I am busy more or less every weekend. I have a full, lovely life.

So why do I suddenly feel validated just because there is a boy who is flirting with me?? It just seems so wrong. So "Young and the Restless." So pathetic.

But I can't help it... he's smart and funny and sweet and adorable. Sigh.

I have found that there's a difference between potential relationships at 24 and 34:
24 says, "Wow. If this goes the way I think it will this guy could be the one. Maybe we'll get married and have lots of sex and babies!"
34 says, "Wow. If this goes the way I think it will this guy could be the one I finally buy a duplex with. Because I do NOT want to share living space with a boy. But next door would be convenient for spider smashing, movie watching and sex."

Before those of you who are rooting for my sex life get too excited let me just say that nobody is having sex at this point. This is all just flirtation and conjecture.

We have been friends for a thousand years but somehow he does not violate the "no relationships with boys I went to high school with" OR the "no relationships with anyone I've dated before" rules. Also, he's never been in the military and we don't work together...

I'll keep you posted.