The Universe Hates Me.

But still I knit on...
So here is the Crusoe sock at the beginning of the toe decreases. Anyone see anything odd? Here's a clue: the needles shown are the only needles I'm using. Yup, there are only three. Monday night I broke one of them in half and laughed at it because they came in a package of 5. I fished out the extra needle and went on happily. I had 4 needles in the car (yes, that car) and then only had 3 when I got into the house. That means one is still in my car somewhere (gasp). So rather than give up I finished using only 3 needles. The fact that I finished it is only proof that the universe can hate you and still life can go on.
But..........
I completely LOVE this sock. It is soft and thick and pretty. I was completely beside myself knowing that even if I cast on for the next one I couldn't get very far. I'll have to wait until I can get new needles. I know they have them at JoAnne's - but I really should wait until Friday (payday). I wonder if I'll be able to... and what shall I do in the mean time? Oh wait... what is that? What is sitting here innocently next to my computer? OH! It's a new fair isle sock! How did that happen?!?
The pattern calls for size 2 needles and I usually have to go a size smaller to get gauge. You may remember that I did not swatch the last one and that I promised to swatch this one. I lied. Sorry. I just used size 3 needles and knitted on. It is taking every ounce of self-control that I have to not knit on it right now...
I have a baby migraine today again. I took some advil and it's trying really hard to work but isn't quite making it. I really don't want to have to take my migraine pills - I'm sleepy already. I knitted and listened to Wicked until after 2. I have 2 CD's left to listen to and a whole other book to read before Friday and it's WEDNESDAY!!! I will probably have to skip my knit in public meeting tomorrow night.
I have an appointment for electrolysis tomorrow morning. It can't hurt more than plucking, can it? I'll let you know.

Storms and storms and storms...

Thunderstorms last night and this afternoon the sky looked like this outside my office window:
We're not going to get swept away by tornados or floods but it's pretty ugly out there...

Inside we have the Crusoe sock, posing in the control room (I really do work at a radio station).

Just after these pictures were taken I figured out how to change the date in my camera AND how to get the date stamp to go away. I'm feeling pretty good about that.

We get the girl back tonight... I talked to her earlier. She always sounds so different on the phone after she's been at her dad's house - harsher or something. The women in his family have very abrasive voices - loud and rough. I hope she learns to modulate.

Not a lot to say today - I've been working a lot - our afternoon news person has been gone since Friday so I've been on the air from noon to 7. It's not bad, I've (obviously) been getting a lot of knitting done, just not a lot of anything else. (Well, that's not really true. My early Sunday morning appearance in the office actually put me way ahead on a few things).

I did want to post the Crusoe sock. My favorite sock in the whole wide world. I plan to finish it tonight (about another 3 inches then the toe decreases)... I think it can be done, I'll let you know tomorrow!!

OK.. two messages now...

First of all, Happy Birthday to the sweetest man in the world. He has been my rock (and my roll, heh heh) and I am so lucky to have him in my life. Oh, and honey? You're 29.

Second...

I noticed that MY blog was listed on Holy Knit! Batman - one of my new favorites, and not even someone I actually know. Thanks Eleni! I love your blog and it's cool to see my blog listed there!

Knit on!

Here is the first Crusoe sock... it's about 3 inches long here. I added to the cast on stitches so it's really big - but there is no stretch to it and if it's too big to really wear I'll just wear it at home to keep my feet warm. Anyway, I love this pattern. (She calls it Crusoe because the stitches are stranded - that just kills me!). The yarn is from Knitpicks but this color (called Grandma ?!?) doesn't seem to exist anymore so I'm really hoping that I don't run out or something horrible like that.

I also hope this fits, otherwise it will end up unfinished and needle-less like...


This one. Poor, poor fair isle sock.
I will make another one. And I will swatch it first and I will finish it and make a second one. And I will continue the pattern through the entire stripe of color rather than relying on the pattern... some people like that the colors and the patterns don't really line up, I am less pleased with it. I'm thinking that each pattern change should correspond with a color change. It just bothers me. (And it was too small because I didn't swatch).
So that's why this poor unfinished sock has lost it's needles. They are now in the Crusoe sock. Which I'm thinking of calling my sadness sock because I was feeling really down when I started it and because it's stranded (I don't know why I think that's so damn funny) and because the colors move from these deep purples (even the lighter purple is really sort of gray) to this horrible pink.
Bean comes home tomorrow (yay) and it's my husband's birthday. He's not much of a cake person so I don't know what to do about that. Chocolate pie, maybe, or brownies. He'll eat brownies. He's really more into salty than sweet. I'm much more well rounded than that. Doritos and oreos, please. Ice cream and french fries. Peanut butter and crackers... My first boyfriend's dad told me that peanut butter is good two ways - with something and without. He was a great guy.
So birthday dinner - I'm making lasagne (his favorite) and I think Bean and I will do brownies. I already gave him his presents - a Best Buy gift certificate and Paul Simon's new CD "Surprise"(it's soooooooooo good). I always give presents early (unless I buy them en route) because it's really hard to hang on to something that I know will make someone happy. And he was. We listened to the CD and played around with the website Montage-A-Google which is way too entertaining. Seriously. If you're at work wait until you get home to go to this site. You can spend a LOT of time trying to think of new things to search for. My favorite search results came from "drop" and "lighthouse". My husband's favorite results came from "cubs" and "IRA". I want to make a dozen or so of the montages and turn them into posters or t-shirts or something.
I think I am getting a summer cold - sore throat and stuffy head and I'm having a hard time at work... I'm on the news shift today and it's one thing to keep your voice and breathing steady for a 20-second or so announcement and another thing entirely to do it for 2 and a half minutes. I get through with the newscast and feel like I can't breathe for a few minutes - and keeping my voice steady makes my throat hurt even more.
Oh well... only one more to go and then I can go home. I made Rachel Ray's bacon, leek, tomato (and potato) soup a little over a week ago and froze the leftovers. Maybe I'll reheat that for dinner tonight. It's sort of a soup day (even if it IS over 90 today and HUMID). We're in for a few days of thunderstorms - which I love.

Complete Stop

I worked about four rounds in that horrible navy blue yarn that was fuzzy before I frogged it, realized that I was hating knitting that sock that was never going to fit me anyway so I pulled the needles out and just stopped.
Then I cast on the Crusoe sock AFTER I swatched. Yup. I swatched. But it came out too small to go around my foot anyway (is it me? I think it's me). Sooooooooo, I pulled it out and I'm going to add some stitches to the initial cast on and start over. Woo hoo. I thought about ribbing the first 12 rounds but I sort of like the roll at the top... we'll see. I did get about 6 rounds into the pattern and it's wicked easy.

I got no sleep last night... not an exaggeration. No. Sleep. I finally fell asleep at about 1:30 and was up again by 2:30. I took a shower and came in to work - it's amazing what you can get done with nobody but the coffee maker to keep you company. Of course now I'm shaky and my stomach feels like I swallowed a 9-volt, but what's a girl to do? It's not that I napped too much yesterday afternoon either, my phone rang about every half hour until I gave up and watched You've Got Mail. I'm really embarrassed at how much I like that movie. It's such an old-fashioned kind of story: not sexy, just sweet. I also listened to more of Wicked - it's nice being read to and I love that I can knit and "read" at the same time but if I hadn't read the book already I don't think I'd retain enough of it. Not that I remember much of the book anyway... it was lent to me by an ex several years ago (6 maybe?) and I thought I had finished it but considering how little I remember I'm wondering if I just meant to finish it. I have a lot to get through so I'm hoping to get a lot of it in today. I have to finish it and read Son of a Witch by Friday (!!) for my book discussion group. I know that only about a third of the participants actually finish the book for the discussion but since I'm the leader of the discussion I sort of have to be in that 1/3 who reads. No pressure. What is crazy is how much faster I can read the book as opposed to listening to it. I know I'm a fast reader but a novel of that size doesn't usually last more than a couple of days and listening has taken several sessions... or maybe reading is more portable, or maybe I can read longer than I can listen or maybe I'm just nuts.

Wham...

Just hit a wall. I've been staring at the screen for a few minutes and I'm feeling sort of leaden. I feel like I need a good cry but I'm feeling just fragile enough that if I start I might not stop.

Remember when staying up all night was just a matter of course and you could do it without really noticing the next day?? Me too. I sort of miss that.

Oh screw it - I'm just gonna roll

The fair isle sock is not going well.

First of all, I don't think it's going to be big enough... it might just be Bean's sock after all.
Did you do the recommended swatch in the fair isle pattern??
Nope. I sure didn't. And I'm not using the recommended size needles so I won't complain about that part. Promise.

I finally got to the heel and was concerned because this pattern doesn't approach the heel in the same way that the (only) other pattern I've used did. It makes this rounded heel that is quite lovely but there are little holes that come from the decreases and there is no instruction for picking up stitches for the instep. I tried to be all Zen about it and just flow with the pattern. I ended up with this thin little bubble of a heel that was full of holes. Flimsy and stupid looking. And I couldn't figure out how there would be room for a foot in there if the foot part just joins at the heel.

So I cast on another sock, did 6 rows of ribbing and then moved on to the heel. I tried to do it the way it was written. I swear that I did. I even got about an inch or so down the foot and STILL couldn't figure out how a normal shaped foot was supposed to fit in it.

So screw it. I frogged the stupid flimsy bubble-hole heel and I'm knitting it my way. I don't have any idea how to incorporate the design into the decreases before I hit the foot but I'll figure it out. I'm just gonna roll with it.

Yes indeed-y! I'm going to finish this fucking too-small sock and hope it fits the girl and I'm going to buy another (larger) set of dpn's and try this sock again. I may not use the simple stripes though - now that I've figured this fair isle yarn-juggling out I might try with a variegated instead... or else I'll make my own damn stripes.

Hey, don't you have a baby blanket that still needs to be finished?? Isn't that baby going to be here any second? And aren't there, like, three more babies due before the end of September?

Oh shut up. I'm just rolling with it.

Pictures!!!

Here are the teacher appreciation socks... I finally remembered to have my camera on hand when I finished something!! Ignore the date at the bottom... I am sort of hopeless with electronics (yet you work in radio and they put you in charge of automation... hmmmm...). The yarn is simple stripes sweet tarts from knitpicks using my basic sock pattern. This is my fourth pair of socks. Try to ignore that they match everywhere except the heel and the toe. It pisses me off - and I don't understand how it happened!! If the yarn is striping nicely in the second sock the way it did in the first sock how the hell do you end up different suddenly?!? Oh well. I was going to take a sock-break for awhile to try to get over it but then I acidentally cast on for the Knitpicks Simple Stripes Fair Isle socks.

I've almost finished the cuff now - this picture was taken Thursday night. I'll post more picks tomorrow (now that I've taken the time to figure it out!!) This is my cat Serena, she reeeeeealllllly likes it when I'm knitting. So far she has not managed to eat anything important but she feels she should be involved with all knitting in the house. Here she is helping me read the pattern. My husband is behind her - I think it was actually a conspiracy to get me to stop knitting and pay attention to both of them. Serena likes it when we are both in bed watching TV and she can sit in me for awhile and then move over to him for awhile and then move back to me.

This is Serena thirty seconds after I took the last picture. See what I mean? Doesn't this just SCREAM "cuddle me"?

Don't be fooled. She bites and she drools.

Dude, where's my padded cell?

Things started off just fine on Thursday! I swear!! I dropped Bean off for her last day of school and went back to bed (yay!). I slept for about another hour or so and woke up to watch The Young and The Restless (no crap for this, please. I haven't recorded an episode for, like, five years. I only watch it when I'm at home and it happens to be on. Even if I had TiVo or digital recording it would be low on my priority list). I ate Oreos - the double stuffed kind, which I broke apart and made into the quadruple stuffed ones (how come I can't lose weight, anyway?).

But apparently all of that morning bliss pissed off whoever is in charge of karma or balance or whatever. I had to go to the station for my daily automation crap. I told Bean I'd come to school an hour earlier than usual and bring her a camera so after my soap I took a shower and went to work. I pulled into the parking lot and everyone (well, everyone but the big boss and my husband) was outside. Apparently a maintenance worker (in a haz-mat suit - no shit!) was spraying weed killer behind the building and accidentally sprayed some into the air intake of one of our air conditioners. Inside the radio station it smelled like there had been an accident at the black magic marker factory.

So the maintenance guys were called back and campus police made an appearence... They were soooooo much help, it was the police officer who suggested spraying air freshener so that we could all go back to work. What-fucking-ever.

Soooooo I went to Target (~ le sigh~) and bought a few summer outfits for Bean and then bought a disposable camera and went to school.

Things were good there as well - the kids were watching Nanny McPhee and Mrs. C loved her teacher appreciation socks. She's a folk-music loving kind of granola lady. I love that. Oh, and Bean made all A's again (like mother, like daughter). She is SUCH a great kid. (My husband went out an bought a new game for her Nintendo DS as a reward for working so hard this year - sweetie man).

In the classroom I was having a hard time with my cell phone... it wouldn't stay on and I couldn't call out on it - though I could send a text message - and then it broke in half. In half like I could see the crazy-small electronic bits. Scary bad!!
And I'm an idiot. I thought there was a Verizon store on the way home, turns out it was a T-Mobile store. Not at all helpful. I've had T-Mobile service, too... it wouldn't have been helpful even IF it had been the right store!
We were in a hurry because Bean's Idiot Stepmother (not wicked, just stupid) was supposed to pick her up at 5 and it was almost 4:30. (Remember that: she was supposed to be there at 5). So phoneless we went home. My husband showed her the game and she was thrilled (sweetie man). I sent her to pack her bag for the weekend and then used my husband's phone to call the Idiot Stepmother at work but she is apparently the smartest person at the health club. (I can hear what you're thinking - the Idiot Stepmother is NOT tall and skinny. I'm not sure what she does at the health club or how she got hired... if I were hiring at a club I'd want people who looked like they exercised. I know, fat people in glass houses shouldn't throw Krispy Kremes, but I wouldn't hire ME at a health club either! You should at least look SPORTY - she just looks frumpy). Anyway, the person who answered the phone said nobody by that name worked there. I tried to call the XXX but his voicemail didn't even come on. I gave up.
TWO HOURS LATER... at 7:00 she finally shows up. She apparently locked her keys and cell phone in the trunk of her car (?!?) and hadn't called me anyway.
So I drive like a freak as fast as I (legally) can and get to the Verizon store (which is closed). They close at (ready?) 7.
I threw the mother of all tantrums and wanted to go to Circuit City to buy a phone but cooler heads prevailed... luckily.
I kept stamping my feet and sputtering that they couldn't POSSIBLAY fix my phone and what the hell was I going to do without a phone?!?
But the husband held firm and said I should just wait, go by the Verizon store on the way to work today and just SEE.
This morning, Andrew at the Verizon store fixed my phone, didn't charge me for the repair and wouldn't let me buy a battery that I thought I needed.
So my phone has been restored, I didn't ahve to spend $200 (that we don't really have right now) and my husband gets to hold it over my head for the rest of my life.

But the Work Spouse and I are going to see Friends With Money tonight at the cheap theater and we're going to have Thai food first. Happy, happy girl.

And for the record:
I was totally wrong. As wrong as a wrong-thinking person could be, and my sweetie-man husband was totally right. Nobody else has ever been as right as he was last night. Love you honey!

Thursday Favorites

Missed my Thursday post for reasons I'll write about later... but here are my favorites anyway:

Books I'm reading: for the first time since I learned to read I am reading nothing new... still making my way through Wicked and Son of a Witch. It's the knitting. The movies from Netflix are still in their little red envelopes too. I've been slacking on my slacking.

Summer dessert: poundcake with lemon pie filling and cool whip free on top.

Insulting way to refer to someone: Ass-clown. (Try it, it really makes you feel better to call someone an ass-clown).

Reason to leave work early: Potentially dangerous chemical sprayed into the air conditioning unit.

Favorite "official response" to the accident at work: "Well, ma'am, we could spray some air freshener in there for you all." Good thinking, Sparky. Then we can be poisoned and enjoy the French countryside at the same time. Ass clown (see?).

Cell Phone Company: Verizon for saving me quite a bit of money and time

3rd grade teacher: Mrs. C who loved her socks and said some very nice things about Bean on the last day of school.

(Wow, these are really boring. I'll do better next Thursday).

Migraine day today. I kicked the most wonderful man in the world out of bed and made him take Bean to school and work for me. Do you think this means I am not at work right now?? Nope. I should be in a barbituate-induced sleepy coma right now with an ice pack on my forehead but I am, in fact, at work, waiting for the three programs we missed last night to download so that I can manipulate their asses back into our automation and everyone can live happily ever after. We got hit by lightning (again) last night. Anyone who says that lightning only strikes once didn't live in a flat state with a huge metal tower behind their building. My husband was outside smoking when it happened - he did not get hit (thank god) but as he described it to me it sounded like an acid trip - little blue flashes and all.
So our computers are taking a mental health day (week) and our engineer (nice enough guy but... well...) is trying to figure out what to do about it. He unplugged everything and plugged it back in - and funny enough, it worked on one of the problems - but nothing was figured out last night so there are holes in our schedule. Then there is the entire second hour of a program that mysteriously vanished. Our automation has no record of it, our production program said "file? what file?". Luckily the guy who produces the show always makes a backup - unluckily, the backup has to go in real time so I'm also waiting for that to finish recording into the system.
So I'm in my office with the lights out waiting.
Once that's done I can reorganize everything and go get Bean from school. She wants to take a knitting class that is tonight so I need to call and register her for that.
Something tells me we won't be visiting my dad tonight... We saw him for (literally) three minutes yesterday. There was a thunderstorm (hence, the lightning strike) and a ridiculously large amount of water was dumped on parts of the city. Bean could not see the car from the door of the school - but she knows where I usually park and made a run for it. It was warm, and she was laughing and it was pouring so we sat in the car singing along with the CD (John Mayer) and waited it out. By the time we got to the rehab hospital (on the other side of town) it was time for him to go to dinner. I put his clean clothes away (did I tell you that my husband was in total shock when I brought dad's clothes home, washed them, dried them AND folded them? He said he didn't know that I could do all of that in one day. Smartass.) and we walked him down to the dining room and then we left.
Ohhhh.... it's time, it's time!! I'm off to check my downloads.

I'm having motivation problems today.
I got out of bed (check).
I took a shower (check).
Bean ate breakfast, brushed her teeth and got to school on time (check, check, check).
I made it to my desk, (check).

I think that might be all I'm capable of accomplishing today.

I am sitting at my desk at work... I've been here for almost 45 minutes and so far all I've managed to do is check my email. I didn't even have much email, I've mostly been sitting here listening to everyone around me not working either. (Ha, just picked up a call from the front desk. That counts as work, right?)

I didn't sleep well last night - and I had a really strange dream that we moved into a new house in the country. There was a pond and a porch swing... Bean and I were walking near the pond and I thought that it would be perfect for science lessons when we started to homeschool.

(Screeeeeech... Wha?)

I have (mostly) nothing against homeschooling. I attended public school. I know. As long as the socialization issues are being met and the parent is, you know, smart enough to teach beyond the first grade then who really cares? I have considered it. Briefly. Especially when Bean's kindergarten teacher kept sending home notes with their, there and they're mixed up... or your and you're (twitch, twitch). But being at home together all day would not work. We'd drive each other crazy inside an hour. (I couldn't even teach her how to knit - my friend K did last week and she's doing really well!!) Anyway, I can't afford private school (and really, is that a solution to the "idiots teaching" issue? Really? Ya think so? I KNOW some of the idiots teaching at private schools here) so public school it is. And we've been really lucky - kindergarten teacher aside. Her first and third grade teachers have been amazing. They were both first-year teachers, which can be a problem but really really wasn't. They were both women who decided to teach later in life - both were over thirty and both have kids who were brought up in public schools. I wish Bean could have teachers like that every year - creative and smart and funny. So I'm working on the "teacher appreciation" socks. I'm almost ready to turn the heel on the second one. They're made from self-striping yarn (Knitpicks Sweet Tarts) and I really like them. Bean is getting the next set but I want some too...

So my skin is crazy dry right now. My hands are peeling and weird. I want to walk around wearing gloves filled with shea butter... They make gloves like that for sleeping. Hmmmmmm... does really dry skin count as "sick"? I could call in sick and stay home with shea butter gloves on my hands - hell, wrap me in shea butter coated sheets and make sure I can reach the remote!!

I should probably do something today. I'm picking Bean up from school and then we're going to visit my dad - I have some clean laundry for him. He's doing ok... he's in a rehabilitation hospital for physical therapy. Since he lives alone and has steps he has to climb they want him a little more mobile. I'm glad - I was hoping they wouldn't just cut him loose and hope for the best. He's so resistant to help as it is - what would happen if he really needed something?

I think my caffeine is starting to work... guess I should too.

Steady as she goes

Yesterday I wore cute but ridiculous shoes that had a high wedge heel. Today I'm wearing a skinned knee and elbow from falling thanks to the ridiculous shoes. Oh, and both ankles are sore and swollen. I fell once - on my ass. In front of people. You've seen the footage of the crashing of the Hindenburg - it was like that but not so much fire. There is nothing in the world less graceful than a fat girl stumbling on heels, at least there were no small children around for me to crush. And I didn't have a chance to go home and change shoes, so last night I stopped for gas (and managed to get out of there for less than $50 - wowie) and my other ankle rolled and I almost fell again. Fucking shoes. Not wearing those again, don't care how cute they are. And above and beyond the embarrassment of falling (on my ass) there is the stiffness in my back and neck that results directly from a thirty-year-old fat body falling. Yeah, yeah, "thirty is not that old" say all of my supportive (and older, hmmm) friends, but today thirty feels pretty fucking old. (Oooh, there's that f-word again.)
I have quite the potty-mouth. It's not necessarily something I'm proud of but sometimes only the word "fuck" conveys the tone I'm looking for. A woman I don't know very well (but like very much) works at a local bookstore. Apparently she has a "FUCK" sign that she wears on her forehead in her office on particularly bad days. The other people at the book store know to stay away when she's wearing her sign. I love that. I would copy that if my office had walls instead of that open, shared space thing we have going on. And if there weren't people who would be so offended that they would actually call human resources and complain.
So today I'll knit for awhile (really need to start the second teacher-appreciation sock. Last day of school is THURSDAY). And at noon I'll go pick Beanie up from her dad and then we'll go visit my dad (who is in a rehabilitation hospital now. His hip is healing pretty well from what I understand and I only feel a little guilty for not visiting yesterday). Then I really do need a nap today. Really. Do. Need. Nap.
Seriously.

Thought-hopping

Jeez. No nap today. My eyes feel gritty and I'm a little grumpy. I'll try to press on. Don't expect any coherence here... I'm feeling sort of random today. It was a weird day all together.

Took three doses of migraine medicine by the time I went to bed last night (no, not all at once, stop that), so we woke up late for the second time this week (bad mother, no no). Rather than going back to bed I stayed up and knitted - I'm trying to make a baby sweater in preparation for a child-sized sweater (for Bean) in preparation for many, many sweaters in the future. I picked the Bean up from school for lunch and then took her back (on time) and went to my friend K's house. She has babies (one little, one medium-sized) who were in various stages of napping and not-napping. I was jealous of the smallest one's pjs. I need stripy feet-in jammies. I also need someone to fill my juice cup and swoop me up to bed with kisses when I need a nap.

But I'm at work now. (But Nap-Lover, you might think, it's after 9 on a Friday and you have to be there by 6 on Saturday! Why aren't you in comfy pants at home?) Well, I'll tell you - I screwed up. We had a series of computer-related issues this week (if it's not one thing it's your motherboard) and I just plain forgot to load a show that was on tape into the computer. So I'm here babysitting (an entirely appropriate word that would make an entirely inappropriate work-related entry so I'll just leave it at that) and waiting for the magic hour when I can go home. The good news is that my dear sweet god of a husband went to my favorite pizza place in the whole world and brought me dinner - partially because he is a sweet man and partly because he offered to stay and work and I (bravely) said no, it's my mistake, I'll stay.

Again with the weird events of the day: my eXXX-husband (*see explanation below...) was really chatty this afternoon. He's like that sometimes. We're on the phone discussing Bean-related issues and he just starts talking. I'm not complaining necessarily, but even with good-natured divorces like ours you have to build up some kind of hard outer shell. Anyway, he mentioned that he has a better job now and will be making more money. So I joked "So we'll see more child support?" And he said YES!! And he's offered to send some "unofficial" money until the increase is in the system.

*(Because he looks like Vin Diesel and Keanu Reeves had a love child, and not in a good way. Because that comparison would piss him off. Because just one "X" doesn't seem to be sufficient to indicate the level of separation we have. There is nothing - and I mean nothing that would ever make either of us think fondly of our past or wonder how things would have been better if we'd stayed together).

I shouldn't be snotty. When we separated he paid "unofficial" support and when the divorce was finalized he stayed at that amount even though the amount the lawyer gave was almost $100 less. When he went back to school he had a different job and his support was cut in half. Then he said he's pay half of her summer camp expenses (and didn't). Then when it was time for braces he said he couldn't help (his half would have been $900 over 12 months). Now he's remarried and his new wife has four kids (yes, four) so I worried that I'd have to fight for an increase. Good for him. I think it helps that we both come from divorced families. Don't think for a minute that I have never wanted to hit him. Repeatedly. Really really hard. With my car... But over all he's been pretty easy to deal with and I hope he feels the same way.

Almost time to go home and napnapnapnapnapnapnapnapnapnapnapnapnap.

Thursday Favorites...

My list of favorites for this week:

Book: Digging to America by Anne Tyler

Public Radio Show host: Scott Simon - for sounding giggly (ok, high) during parts of Weekend Edition last week

TV show: Still Gray's Anatomy... but WTF?? Who has to "decide" between Chris O'Donnell and Patrick Dempsey?

Abuse of a SlimFast product: Dipping the peanut butter cookies into actual peanut butter

Sin: Going to a free preview of The Da Vinci Code tonight. I haven't read the book - read Angels and Demons and found it trite and hard to care about. Someone should really talk to Dan Brown about his use of exclamation points (!!!). Oh, and if you have to create tension at the end of every single chapter to keep your readers interested you're doing something really wrong.

Person: My cousin... she lives on the East Coast and I haven't seen her in almost nine years (really?!? holy cats. I seriously need to plan a trip). She called last night and she helped me put this complicated relationship with my dad into perspective. It's interesting - we have lived at least 1000 miles apart our entire lives but we are so alike. More like a sister than my actual sister.

**Sigh***

After two days of posting under a cloud I finally have something to celebrate! My grades have been posted and I have a 4.0 in grad school. This is amazing - I usually manage to screw up just enough to lower my GPA by the end of the semester. My first undergraduate GPA was 2.89, my second was 3.57. In general I start the semester off organized and motivated and end up scrambling for enough points to break through to a "B". This semester was rough and I was depressed and seriously unmotivated and finished my research paper (40% of the final grade) in three days (why oh why do I do this to myself?!?).
I am relieved and I feel that all of the time and stress (and money) is somehow justified by this success. I know that my GPA doesn't mean shit in the real world but right now it means I'm not completely wasting my time.
So my dad is doing ok. Bean and I went to see him briefly yesterday. She had to have two teeth pulled at the orthodontist (they were both already loose anyway) so she wasn't exactly bright and sunny. I left her in the waiting room with a book - I knew that he wouldn't want company for long.
He was in a lot of pain - apparently he went into shock in the recovery room because they couldn't manage his pain well enough. He was pretty high when I got there. Bean and I went to Walgreens (is it just me, or is Walgreens the best thing since ice cream?) and bought a card and some of the lotion he likes and chap stick (hospitals are dry places) and a book. Does he read? I don't know. I don't remember seeing books in his house - magazines mostly. I know he watches a lot of TV but I don't know if he is a reader. I got one of those spy paperbacks - it was in the "bestseller" rack... I don't know why I'm so obsessed with whether or not he wanted the stupid book. He's either going to read it or he's not - either way it doesn't matter.
And my knitting group meets tonight... I always feel better about the world after those meetings.
But I have one of those headaches and I took two doses of migraine medicine last night. I'm hoping that it will calm down with some advil - knitting with narcotics is not the easiest (or most functional) thing to do. I've started a baby sweater and a blanket with cables, plus my lace and the teacher-appreciation socks. Sort of a knitting buffet. Knitting with ADD.
I'll publish pictures soon...

Unnecessary

My dad is in the hospital - hip replacement surgery. He's in recovery now but I have been calling every hour or so to check on him and I think they're getting a little tired of me. I imagine that they're thinking "If you're so worried about him come and sit in the waiting room like a good daughter and stop bothering us!" But I am a good daughter... I guess. I wanted to go this morning and sit with him while he waited for them to start. I want to be in the waiting room - I even packed a bag for it full of knitting and books and snacks and had a replacement board op on call in case he changed his mind. He's not the warmest guy and more or less said not to come to the hospital until he called me himself. He said he might not even call until tomorrow because he might not want to see anyone after the surgery.
I just wanted to be there. There is something really lonely about waiting to be operated on and I wanted him to at least know that someone was in the building. So I will respect his request and stay away... but I know that in his telling of this story my absence will be explained as me being too busy to come and see him. My office is (literally) three blocks from the hospital and even if it were pledge drive I would be there instead of here if he needed me. I wish he could know that.
A few months ago he was in the hospital for a week or so and only called me the day before he was released because he needed me to go buy something for him. I called him the next afternoon and he was already home.
I don't know if he really does want me there but doesn't want to ask or if he really doesn't want me there and wishes I would just forget about it all together. I don't know him well enough to say - which is really sad. If my step-father was in the hospital I would just go (with a bag of chocolate covered cashews for him) and sit in the chair at the foot of his bed and knit or read and wait until he needed something. The rest of my family would probably take turns doing that with me and we'd all know where we should be. With my dad, though, it's anybody's guess and no matter what I do I'll be wrong.
(le sigh)
In other news... Mason Dixon Knitting arrived today from Zooba. Do you know aobut Zooba? Holy cats it's a great way to get inexpensive books. It works like a cross between those hateful book-of-the-month clubs and Netflix (who I also adore).

Unwanted

Pounds:
You know those horrible commercials for Mucinex where a big glob of phlegm moves in? The Phlegm looks like this big, green, fat blue collar guy, complete with the stained wife beater t-shirt and smelly cigar. I think that my fat cells are like that. I picture them looking like the huge women in those really horrible Krispy Kreme calendars that were circulating online for awhile - spilling out of their skimpy clothes, bad hair and really bad makeup. They're laughing and acting drunk and stupid. And they're multiplying. I hate them. They should have more self respect than that.
I'm eating graham crackers for breakfast this morning and when I get home I'll probably tackle the box of chocolate I got for Mother's Day. It's not that I don't know that there are more appropriate things to eat and that if I don't start working out again I'll end up just like those women in the calendars. It's just that I am unimpressed by diet food and unwilling to learn new coping methods. If weight causes depression and depression causes increased consumption of comfort foods where does it end? I should have more self respect than that.

Hair:
I made an appointment to get electrolysis. I know that part of this hair issue is PCOS. Part of everything in my life is PCOS. It's why I'm tired all the time and why I get so many migraines and why my hormones are too busy staging a revival of "CATS" to regulate themselves. But this hair issue has gotten out of hand. My work spouse says "but they're blonde and you can't see them." True. Unless the light hits a certain way and then I look like a Jellicle Cat myself. The blonde hairs are no longer baby fine and invisible. They're wiry and pokey. And some of them are no longer blonde. My husband says "I don't even notice them." Sweet, really, and I appreciate the thought but first of all, his facial hair is full and thick and comparatively, no I don't have much hair. Compared to a girl though...well, that's another story.
So I'm going to get it zapped. It will probably take every cent I have to make sure it all goes but I have to think it's worth it. (Stay tuned to hear all about it on June 2nd).

Anger:
What do we do with all of the anger that builds up over a day? What happens to all of those things that we don't say? Is the anger we feel toward someone else different than the anger we feel toward ourselves? Which one is most destructive?
What do we do about the sadness that comes when we realize that the anger has split us in two separate but living pieces and that there isn't anything we can do to fix it? What happens when there just isn't anything left to say?

Remember when I wrote that I didn't mind coming to work at 6 because it meant I could nap in the afternoon? I lied. I want to NOT get up at 5 and still nap all afternoon.

My Perfect Day:
8:00 am - wake Bean, she has already located every item she needs for the day
8:40 am - back to bed, husband takes Bean to school
10:30 am - wake, brush teeth and wash face, light breakfast and chatting with husband
11:00 am - back to bed for TV and knitting
2:00 pm - lunch
2:30 pm - afternoon nap (or some sort of spa appointment - this is fantasy, right?
4:30 pm - Bean home from school - talk to her, play games, etc.
7:00 pm - dinner (that I don't have to make) and a movie
9:00 pm - Bean's bedtime, back to bed with knitting/book and TV.
1:00 am - sleep

My Actual Day (today)
4:45 am: alarm goes off. Re-set alarm and roll over.
5:20 am: alarm goes off. Realize that if I don't get up RIGHT NOW I'll be late (read: fired)
5:30 am: leave house wearing "bad kitty" pj pants and (non-matching) House of Blues t-shirt, hair in ponytail (oh ya gotta love radio!! I just sound professional.)
5:50 am: print weather, open Diet Dr. Pepper, take transmitter readings
5:59 am: first break of the day - no mistakes so far - 1 down, 15 more to go before noon...
6:02 am: check email and edit programming for the day
6:30 - noon: Knit, read, surf the net while monitoring the on-air signal. There are (as mentioned above) 16 breaks in this shift - that is, 16 times when I have to be on the air. This is an easy job. It's not like this during the week.
Noon: husband shows up to work next shift, go home. On the way home think about lunch - be indecisive about what sounds good and end up eating peanut butter and honey on toast with milk at home (imagine husband smiling at the frugality)
1:00 pm: laundry (wax on, wax off) then build the bed nest and nap/read/knit/watch TV.

(Ah... The bed nest.
That's when you bring everything you might need for the afternoon into the bedroom and place it strategically around you so that you can mostly ignore it in favor of a nap. "Everything you need" usually involves: laptop, knitting, book, cookbook (for planning purposes), Diet Dr. Pepper and a bottle of water, some kind of snack. Pillows and blankets are involved. Bean is with her dad until tonight or tomorrow so I don't have to get up for anything or make anyone dinner.)

6:30 pm: Husband gets home, starts the "what do you want, I don't know what do you want" conversation about dinner
8:00 pm: give up trying to decide and either order pizza together or scavenge separately. This will probably mean frozen chicken nuggets for him and cereal for me.
10:00 pm: make noise about going to sleep but really stay up to watch Saturday Night Live - complain that it is not good anymore (except for Tina Fey) and make fun of the host/musical guest
12:00 am: find something bland on TV and really try to sleep

Thursday Favorites...

Here's a list of my favorite things this week:

Books I'm reading: The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult, Wicked by Gregory Maguire and Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris.

Movies I've seen recently: Thank You For Smoking, TransAmerica, The Ice Harvest, March of the Penguins

My favorite Rachel Ray Recipe: Couple of Minute Steaks with Potato Ragout

My favorite "bad" food: Hershey Symphony bars and Ben and Jerry's Marsha Marsha Marshmallow

My favorite "good" food: Fresh pineapple and cucumbers (though not at the same time).

My favorite TV shows: Grey's Anatomy, ER, My Name is Earl, The Office and What About Brian.

My favorite jokes my husband has made about my love of all things sleepy:
Know what your body is made up of? Sleeper Cells
Know what your favorite band is? R.E.M.
Know what your favorite fictional city is? Bedrock
Know who your favorite movie star is? Matt(ress) (sleep all)Damon - that one was stretching it but Matt Damon is actually a favorite.

Everything but...

It's cold and cloudy and rainy. Think I want to be at work?
I thought that it would be rainy but still keep the humidity of yesterday so I did not dress for the weather. Bean is wearing jeans and a t-shirt with an oversized sweatshirt over the top. When did my kid grow more common sense than me?? We were running late (quelle surprise) and the chilliness of the wind didn't register until the door shut behind me. And I could have turned around, unlocked the door and changed into something warmer. There is a black sweater on the couch in the living room. No, I thought, we're already late, and there is sure to be something I can wear in the car.
My car. I drive an SUV and there is so much stuff packed in my car that it is difficult to fit more than one other person in it. It's an embarrassment. It's disgraceful. It's bad for my (already bad) fuel economy. It's also very handy. Bean needs a roll of paper towels for school this morning? Probably an extra roll in the back. Advil? Yup. Books? Uh-huh. Towels? Absolutely. A few boxes of kleenex, a package of granola bars, bottled water, markers and paper, tissue paper and gift bags, hair brush and rubber bands, a few scarves, bean's spare jacket and a bag of kitty litter that I forgot to take in and then forgot entirely until I bought another bag and took that one in. None of this was intentional. Most of it was purchased on the way to somewhere else and then it just never made it in the house. There are things that should be taken in, but there are also things that have ended up being so handy that we kept it... Bean, for example, has an entire change of clothes - clean and ready - because she left her bag from camp in the car, not long after she decided to stay overnight when we visited my mom. It was convenient to not have to go all the way home and come all the way back so I replaced the bag of clean clothes. The water and granola bars were a non-McDonalds snack on the way from school to swimming lessons that morphed into emergency breakfast before it became a staple. I keep gift bags and tissue paper because I never ever remember to buy and wrap a gift on time.
And I usually have clothes in there for me, too. Like the other smart people in this part of the country, in spring and fall I dress in layers. It is not an exaggeration to say that there might be a temperature arc of 40 degrees from the time you leave the house until you come home again.

Of course, today, when I needed a sweater or sweatshirt here's what I found: one flip-flop (purple), a t-shirt from a museum, a long jean skirt (ordered from eBay several months ago to replace the one I have that is falling apart, forgotten until this morning) and a glove.

What the hell?
Everything useful in the free world is in my damn car.

Everything but a sweater. I really need an easy pattern for a big sweater... So I could leave IT on the couch and want it on days like this.
Luckily it's always toasty in the control room...

Cheers!

Pints of ice cream in my house after last night: 0
Rooms cleaned last night: 0.5
Socks in progress: 2
Hours of sleep: 3

I asked my family about using their names on this blog... not that anyone is reading it but we all feel a little weird about having too much information floating around. Pretty much any name that comes up that is not already in the public domain is some kind of nickname. Just understand that [not her real name] is implied every time you see a name.

The table in the kitchen is clean. Under the table still needs to be swept and mopped, but it is cleaner. (I paid my daughter Bean to crawl under and push everything out and then throw the trash away - she was under there for a long time muttering about how five stupid dollars was not enough for this). I felt very smart and sat on the couch knitting as she muttered and cleaned. I think I am definately on to something. I would be terribly embarrassed to hire a maid because (paradoxically) our house is WAY too messy for someone else to come in and help, but Bean lives there and is fully aware of how yucky our house can get. She's also almost ten and really understands the value and power of money. We're going on a short vacation at the end of June and she knows that she has to have her own spending money... I lose patience with the crap she wants to buy.

So anyway, my husband got the trash out and I did some dishes and there is improvement but it's still a sad, sad kitchen.

I got so little sleep because there was a series of thunderstorms last night and so was AWAKE most of the night.

Will work for sleep... oh wait...

Monday's aren't so bad...

Husband, work spouse and I went to dinner and a movie last night (Thank You for Smoking - very funny), had a few beers and then came home. I knitted in bed and then went to sleep. I didn't have to get up to take the child to school today and wasn't on the air until noon so I SLEPT and SLEPT. Of course I could take a nap right now, but I do feel more rested than usual.
I put gas in may car (an SUV, I know. I KNOW. But think of the thousands of dollars I pour into the gas tank penance and let me get on with it already. I didn't PICK this car, it picked me) and it clicked off before it hit $50 for once (found money, don't ya know) and then I went to work and this yarn (the purple-y one, for socks) and this book (for fun) were waiting on my desk. YAY! I love KnitPicks.com. It's also a beautiful day today and if I were the out-doors-y type I would spend a lot of time sitting outside and gushing on about the beautiful weather. Instead, I'm going to stay inside, appreciate the pretty day and knit. Oh, and clean.
My house is a disaster. Not the Martha Stewart "that mug is facing the wrong way" disaster and not even the Roseanne "look at all of those dishes piled up and who's going to do the laundry" disaster, but the "oh my god I had no idea that tornadoes could happen inside and what IS the sticky on the floor and why is it mocking my cleaning spray?" disaster. Ask my mother. She'll tell you. My house is so obnoxious that last night when a strange man knocked on the door after midnight (he needed his battery jumped - but in our neighborhood you never know so it was scary for a bit before it was annoying) my first thought was actually "God I hope nothing happens, I don't want the police to see this!!" Seriously.
But with the end of the semester and pledge drive and the fact that I would rather watch reruns of The A-Team (ick) than clean, our house is a disaster. The only reason we have clean dishes (in the drying rack, not the cabinet) or clean underpants (in a pile on the couch, not the drawer) is because my husband is a god.
I promised myself that after a brief resting period I would tackle a room at a time and find some organization in our home. I'm also determined to clean more than the bathroom - the only room that ever gets cleaned on a regular basis, partly because you HAVE to clean the bathroom in the same way that you HAVE to wash your hand after touching raw meat, and partly because it's the smallest room in the house and you can clean it relatively quickly and feel like you've accomplished something as you slip out of your rubber gloves and curl up on the bed with your new book and a bag of pretzels. The chocolate-covered ones.
So I have a pint of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer that says I can at LEAST clean until I find the stove and kitchen counters and then clean those before I need more napping.

Who's a groggy girl?

So I'm at work (which I don't mind, I like my job) and it's a weekend (which I don't mind because I'll be off by noon and there's plenty of napping scheduled for today) but there is a light in the control room that is buzzing. Loudly. In that way that fluorescent lights buzz that makes your eyes start to twitch. It isn't, in fact, a fluorescent light. It jut buzzes as thought it wants very badly to be one. I would just turn the light off and work in the relative dark but I would probably go to sleep and then they really WOULD have to fire me.

I know, don't write too much about work, people are getting fired and sued and denied jobs because of their blogs. It was all over Talk of the Nation last week. We have a very small office and there are not enough of us to get away with slacking off. Its interesting, though, if you visited the station you would think that we ever did anything. There are always a few people hanging out at the front desk, and a few people hanging out in the control room. My work spouse (more on that later) and I are rarely at our desks... We're either in a meeting or in the control room knitting. We all do work, though, harder than is often apparent.

But this morning there is a hum, a buzz from a light in the control room that I tolerated as long as I could and since I do not have a ladder to change it myself, (or at least loosen it to make it STOP already) I am wearing the headphones. We always wear headphones when the mike is open but we usually leave them off for the time we spend sitting around waiting for it to be time to talk again. There are two real problems with sitting in a radio station early in the morning on a Sunday with headphones on: your ears get hot and sweaty, and you can't hear ambient noise so you constantly feel like there is someone sneaking up behind you.

It's almost 9, so in just a few hours I can go back to bed. It's really a perfect day for napping, chilly and rainy and the child is off with her father for the weekend. I'd be willing to bet that my husband won't even be up when I get home so I can just slip back into bed and we can all forget that I was even here. I am so tired... That achey, all-consuming tired that makes you want to sleep in your car at red lights and bite the insides of your cheeks to stay awake when the lights turn green again. I think this is just carryover from the end of a VERY long semester (grad school is hard - more on that later) and a very stressful pledge drive (pledge now, pledge often, support your local public radio station).

I haven't had a day off (not even weekends) for at least three weeks and it's wearing me down. No, it has worn me down. I fell asleep on a Rachel Ray cookbook (this one) the other night (love her food, hate her voice, Sorry Rachel!!). We did make one of the chicken burgers and while my husband, Mr. Picky loved it (though he did pick out most of the spinach and herbs) I found that I'm not overly fond of the texture of ground chicken. I fell asleep knitting last night and though The Yarn Harlot thinks she knits in her sleep, I saw no progress when I woke - thankfully NOT impaled on size 0 metal needles - and was mostly just relieved that all of the stitches stayed on the needles where they belonged. I'm making good progress on my mother's day socks but I think it's time to move on to something bigger. I found a pattern for a sweater from knitty.com that I think might be nice to start with. It just seems like such a huge time/money commitment and what if I screw it up?!? Maybe if I start now it will be done by the time it starts to get cold again!!