Unnecessary

My dad is in the hospital - hip replacement surgery. He's in recovery now but I have been calling every hour or so to check on him and I think they're getting a little tired of me. I imagine that they're thinking "If you're so worried about him come and sit in the waiting room like a good daughter and stop bothering us!" But I am a good daughter... I guess. I wanted to go this morning and sit with him while he waited for them to start. I want to be in the waiting room - I even packed a bag for it full of knitting and books and snacks and had a replacement board op on call in case he changed his mind. He's not the warmest guy and more or less said not to come to the hospital until he called me himself. He said he might not even call until tomorrow because he might not want to see anyone after the surgery.
I just wanted to be there. There is something really lonely about waiting to be operated on and I wanted him to at least know that someone was in the building. So I will respect his request and stay away... but I know that in his telling of this story my absence will be explained as me being too busy to come and see him. My office is (literally) three blocks from the hospital and even if it were pledge drive I would be there instead of here if he needed me. I wish he could know that.
A few months ago he was in the hospital for a week or so and only called me the day before he was released because he needed me to go buy something for him. I called him the next afternoon and he was already home.
I don't know if he really does want me there but doesn't want to ask or if he really doesn't want me there and wishes I would just forget about it all together. I don't know him well enough to say - which is really sad. If my step-father was in the hospital I would just go (with a bag of chocolate covered cashews for him) and sit in the chair at the foot of his bed and knit or read and wait until he needed something. The rest of my family would probably take turns doing that with me and we'd all know where we should be. With my dad, though, it's anybody's guess and no matter what I do I'll be wrong.
(le sigh)
In other news... Mason Dixon Knitting arrived today from Zooba. Do you know aobut Zooba? Holy cats it's a great way to get inexpensive books. It works like a cross between those hateful book-of-the-month clubs and Netflix (who I also adore).