Christmas Already?

Seriously, it doesn't feel like Christmas Eve is tomorrow. My tree is up, presents are (mostly) wrapped, and my house is so close to being ready for the family to come over. There is candy in dishes and little snowmen all over the house. There is special soap in the bathroom and pretty hand towels.

I am so tired. My husband has hurt his foot (again). And between the pain and immobility and the raging grief he is running me into the ground. And I can't show frustration with him for any of it. He is so needy right now... and he hates being needy. So he's grief-stricken and grumpy and needy and like, four of the other seven evil dwarfs. Just call me Snow.

And I have this cold/flu thing. And all I want to do is sleep.

I need some cheese to go with all the whine, right? It will get better... once his foot is healed and we can deal with just the grief it will be better. Grief is so complicated and this is the first real batch he has ever had. And losing a parent is complicated - regardless of age or relationship.
I took some time off this week to be at home with him, and I feel a little guilty right now because it is sort of a relief to be at work.

My parents are coming over today to help me hang my curtains and finish the house for tomorrow. They are so great. My dad has been really great with the husband - his dad died eleven years ago and it was really difficult on him. He hugged the husband the other night - it was sweet and awkward and unexpected.

I was feeling sort of bad because dad said I should patch things up with my sister. (Why me? I did NOTHING wrong, damn it!!) I decided to be the bigger person, (the GROWN-UP, drippy head) and called her about two weeks ago. She didn't call back so I called again last Monday. I basically said, "Hey, Christmas Eve at my house, hope you can come. You didn't call me back so I can only assume you're still mad at me... I wish we could get past this but that's up to you." So she calls back that night and says, "I didn't call back because I was BUSY. I have PLANS Christmas Eve so I won't be there. I'll be at mom and dad's Christmas Day." Her tone was cold and snotty. I'm done worrying about it. Even dad says I've done what I could do.

I'm trying to be FRICKIN' MERRY but it's FRICKIN' EXHAUSTING!

I keep reminding myself that what my father in law always said when things were bad - even when his cancer was spreading out of control and his arthritis was so bad he couldn't walk. He always said, "Somebody out there has it worse than me." And he was right. This year brought a lot of grief and sadness, but it also brought a lot of good things.

1. We bought a house. Wow. Something we thought we were YEARS away from.
2. Our marriage is stronger than ever. If we can come through the things we have in the two years we've been married we can make it through anything.
3. Our daughter is sweet, creative, smart and funny.
4. I am closer to my parents than I was a year ago.
5. I still have a 4.0 in grad school, so all of my hard work and sacrifice is really FOR something.
6. The Democrats KILLED in November. Party on party!

That's all I can come up with right now... but coming up with six whole things is a huge achievement these days.

Have a good Christmas everyone, and let's hope that 2007 doesn't suck.