The Truth

There was a commercial on a few minutes ago. The cold medicine one with the little frog ("I've got a me in my throat"). In the commercial the mommy frog knows exactly what to do and the little frog feels better in an instant.

I know that tomorrow is going to be fine. I know that the surgery is routine and the doctor knows what he's doing and she is going to be fine.

But I also know how miserable I was when I had my wisdom teeth removed... and I know she is going to feel something fairly similar. I can give her pain meds and ibuprofen and Jello and soup, but what if she is hurting and I really can't help? What if I give her all of that and she is still miserable?

Logically I know that there are going to be times in her life when she feels bad and I can't fix it... but what defense is logic to a mother?!?

The truth is:
I am scared and sad.
I would take on all of the pain for her if I could and never think twice about it.
I am already angry at the doctor who said we should do this and at the doctor who is going to do it.
I wish I could pack up and throw her in the car and just drive and drive and drive. Away from surgeries and crazy step-parents and hurt and disappointment and sadness.
I feel powerless that I can't.
I feel pathetic that a stupid froggy cold medicine commercial has reduced me to tears.
I know that I am going to be emotional tomorrow when they call her back and I can't go with her and I hate that the stepmother is going to be there to see it.
I wish it was all already over.

Deep breath.

Puffy-cheeked pictures and socks tomorrow!