Or I could spontaneously change my mind

I decided a few days ago that I was absolutely not going to join the Socks that Rock club again this year... and then on the way home I stopped and mailed in my registration form. Who knows why I do these things?

When I got home the October kit was here. Holy cats. I'm in love with the yarn and the pattern (and the shoes in the photograph). AND the yarn? It's called "Lenore" and is a preview of the Raven series that comes out on November 5th. (Side note: I had to memorize that poem in 7th grade and I remember most of it still. My favorite line, "And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain / Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before").

There was also a flier for the next BMFA sock camp. Sigh. I know we went through all of my stomping around about wanting to go last year... but I really really really want to go this year. The Yarn Harlot is going to be there, for the love of all things soft and wooly!
Last year Lara pointed out how much sock yarn one could purchase with that kind of money... but I need a vacation! And wouldn't that be a fun one?!?
On the other hand... there is that one little fly in the honey (burr in the roaving?) - and not just that given our current financial situation spending that kind of money is stupid and irresponsible. My social anxiety levels are higher than usual right now. While the thought of a great, yarn-filled vacation makes me happy, there is also this sense of doom at the thought of spending 5 days in a strange state with 80 people I don't know. What if I freak out? Or fall down. Or get that nervous talking thing and can't stop myself. What if I sweat on someone or throw up? What if they don't like me?

The only thing that is getting me through the pledge drive is that I spend most of my time in the safe, darkened cave of the control room and I don't actually have to interact with the people much. Also, I'm too tired and grumpy to worry about anything embarrassing that I might say or do. That and all of the sugar.

Speaking of the pledge drive... when I'm pitching I often refer back to the last thing they talked about and bring up the fact that we all listen and then go right online to look up the book/cd/movie they mentioned. In Talk of the Nation today they were talking about porn. Online porn. Free. Online. Porn. Starting that break with "How many of you are online right now looking that up? While you're online, make a pledge to this station!" seemed... wrong somehow. Realistic, but wrong. Pretty much anything we usually say seems wrong when they're talking about free online porn.

"Think about what it means to you to have this kind of information..."
"What a great example of the quality programming and important information..."
"Finding human connections and learning more about people all over the world is just one reason public radio is so important..."

See what I mean?