Rollin', rollin', rollin'...

Ever leave the house feeling like you're probably going to have a pretty good day? Ever smile as you drive because your favorite song is on and you're running early? Ever think, wow, what a beautiful day? And then realize that you somehow managed to wear the most uncomfortable bra in the world.

I don't even know how I still have this ridiculous thing. I thought I threw it away after the last time I wore it. And it LOOKS like a normal bra. It's white and it clips in the front and I actually have another one just like it that is FINE (shit, do you suppose that's the one I threw out??).

But this one has straps that won't stay put and for some reason the back of it - like from one side all the way across my back to the other side - ROLLS up, causing a very unattractive lump and, seriously, it makes it tighter around which hurts.

I have friends whose breasts are perfectly normally sized, who remove their bras (from under their shirts like we all learned to do at Girl Scout Camp) every chance they get and sigh in relief as the offending bra is stuffed in a glove compartment or under a sofa. I sleep in a bra, because if I don't I tend to roll over on them in a funny way and it hurts and wakes me up. Or I sleep on my back and the lack of support makes them achey. I usually sigh in relief as I put the damn thing ON. I am friends with my bras, they're my support system through the day. So why does this particular one hate me so much??

I don't often wish for small breasts... I wish they were a little smaller, just because they're big because I'm big and if I lost weight they'd be a little smaller, but I rarely wish I were a small-boob girl (not that there's anything wrong with that). But today I wish my bra was a purely incidental item that could be removed and flung under my desk. Today I wish that walking around braless and brazen wouldn't 1) hurt, 2) be disturbing to those around me and 3) cause damage to the psyche of my child.

Maybe if I click my heels together I can magically have a different one on...
There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home...

Well, anyway, if you happen to see me today and I have a big lump across my back or am tugging in a weird way, just understand that I'm being held prisoner in a horrible bra and I don't get to go home until much, much later tonight.