Must. Stay. Awake.

Is it that I'm still "getting over" the flu? Or that pesky chronic fatigue? Is it my shameful sleeping schedule? Or perhaps some depression? Stress? Laziness??

Who can tell? The result is that I am sleepy and grumpy and completely unmotivated to do anything that requires thought or movement. I am a great and terrible lizard.

I keep thinking that I need to just clean my house and get it over with but every time I start to clean something I get this overwhelming feeling of leaden arms and legs. I feel like if I don't take a nap RIGHT NOW I will just die. I should invite some people over so that I have to clean.

I had dinner last night with Andie and Kerri and Mr. Kerri and Old Coke (or as he prefers to be called now, Classic Coke). The subject of ejecting Bartleby came up and Mr. Kerri suggested inviting a lot of people over to just hang out in the man den and make him really uncomfortable. That would be great, except that as messy as my house is right now the man den is MUCH worse. You don't want to go in there right now. I have a feeling I'm going to have to rent a HazMat suit to clean in there once he finally leaves.

Another suggestion was that I move out for a few days and have the power and water shut off... I think that's technically not legally allowed, but the sad thing is that I don't honestly think it would make a difference. He would just lie there, alone in the dark, and still not be motivated to move.

Some readers have expressed concern that he might be violent.
This man is not going to physically harm me. I know this.
Everyone says, "Well you just never know."
I do. I know. He has spent most of his life working really hard to NOT go to jail. Also? He is absolutely terrified of The Fabulous Michelle (with good reason. Seriously. She is protective and also sort of scary when she's mad. Like a mama bear. Just call me Cubby). And finally, as Andie pointed out, beating me to death with, say, a baseball bat would only happen if someone handed him the bat, positioned me next to his recliner and then helped him repeatedly raise his arm so that gravity would cause the bat to hit me. That is what it would take.

So you can all stop worrying about that. This is just going to take a little time... and perhaps a little legal pressure.

In the mean time, I'm just pretending he's not actually there. I rarely speak to him and hardly see him. So except that he's, you know, still there it's not so bad!