Therapy Schmerapy

So I was at the bookstore yesterday afternoon and I ran into my therapist. Well I ran into the guy who is a therapist who I saw twice and then cancelled my next appointment and have been avoiding ever since. He was, of course, an absolute professional. We made eye contact, he raised an eyebrow, and then he said nothing and made no other indication that he knew me. I said nothing and walked out of the bookstore and then realized that I was sweating. Big rivers of sweat. I also was not breathing very well.

Running into my therapist on a particularly fragile day and then having a little panic attack about it is not an accident.

There are no accidents.

I sometimes think I should go back to see him (or at least someone). But the truth is I can't want to. I think I am processing things fairly well and I think that a little fragility is called for some days. I am watching for signs of a larger breakdown and things are looking pretty good on that front.

I was having a conversation about therapy with some friends just this past weekend... and we sort of came to the conclusion that we are intelligent women (and two of us are reformed English Majors whose ENTIRE JOB in school was to identify and track thematic significance) and we can certainly try to process the things in our lives without much intervention from the outside (professional) world.

OK. Yes. In the not so distant future I do aspire to be a therapist... but hear me out.

If you are a relatively healthy person and you have a cold you do not go to the doctor. You drink plenty of fluids and get lots of rest and you deal with it.
If you are a relatively healthy person and you have the flu you do not go to the doctor. You take a few days off work, get plenty of fluids, lots of rest and you deal with it.
If, on the other hand, you are a relatively healthy person and you have had flu-like symptoms for a month and you have been resting and getting lots of fluids and you don't feel any better at all then you might seek the opinion of a professional who is trained to deal with stuff like that.
AND EVEN THEN there might be no clear-cut answers.

So if you are a relatively healthy, self-actualized person who is depressed and you are taking your prescribed medication and you hit a rough patch you might just want to take care of yourself a little and see what happens. If it gets better, great! If it gets worse or intrudes on your life you might want to seek the opinion of a professional who is trained to deal with stuff like that.
And I can absolutely guarantee there will be no clear-cut answers there.

I am a relatively healthy self-actualized person. I am taking my medication. I have the love and support of my family, my friends and my employer... even my ex-husband asks me from time to time how things are going.

In my grief group there were people who honestly did not know that bottling up your emotions is counterproductive and generally leads to more problems.
At my other job there was a client who was going through a divorce, his mother had just died and his lover had just left him... and he couldn't figure out why he was so sad.

So in this - as with all things - know yourself. Know your signs and habits. Know when you need to ask for help and when you can heal your own wounds.

Am I saying, "Hey all of you! Fire your therapists and deal with your own shit!!"
Nope.
I am saying that for me, right now, therapy is not something I want. That may change. For my friend quitting therapy might be a great idea - and it may not. She will have to try it and see how it goes.

Or I could totally be in denial.