Oh Change, I Hate You

I like to think of myself as a go-with-the-flow kind of gal. No planning, no routine, nothing but my kid and my house payment tethering me to this solid ground.

But really? I am a creature of habit... and I don't like it when people move my cheese.

And it's more than that... there are certain things and places that are comforting to me. I don't even have to go to those places, it's just enough to know that they are there and available to me. Maybe certain people, too... but that's a whole 'nother crazy post.
The Best Bookstore in the World (Watermark) is one of those comfort places. That bookstore and Twist are the sweet spots for me in this city. They are where I go in my mind - and in real life - when I need some peace. My happy places.

I love the smell of books. I love the accumulation of books all in one place. (None of this is a surprise to anyone who has actually been to my house, where bookshelves are more prevalent than good sense). I love the fact that you can go to one place and get comfort food and comfort reading at the same time. I love that they know me there... that they have an army of "regulars" who adore that bookstore as much as I do.

I don't go to Watermark every day. I don't think I'm even there every week... but I drive by it every day on my way to work, and it's sort of like seeing a good friend in passing.
"Well hey there! how are you doing today?"
"I'm doing great! You?"
"Oh fine. Great to see you!"
"You too! Lunch on Saturday?"
"Lunch sounds great!"

But this week they are closed for remodeling. And I knew they were going to be doing this. It was not a surprise.
But when I drove by on Monday and saw the windows papered and no cars in the parking lot, the air left my lungs with an audible, "Oh!"
Just thinking about a time when that bookstore might not be there makes me unbelievably sad.

But I know they will re-open soon and every day brings us closer to that. I can carry on. It's just a week, after all.

Then today I realized that when they do re-open it will all be different. They're not closed for a week to remodel to end up looking exactly the same. So now I have all of this (displaced) anxiety about that, because I can't picture it in my head... it's obviously not my vision they're following... and so when I think of my "happy place" it's a dark, blank space.

Things at Twist are changed around all the time... but they always have been. From the first week she was open, Shelly was constantly re-arranging things. I think it keeps things fresh and encourages you to wander around and find new stuff. (Happy Birthday Twist, by the way). So when I think of Twist in my happy place it's not a static picture... it's a collage of color and texture and smiling. But (until this week) when I think of Watermark it's a series of still photographs...

I know it's ridiculous to get so anxious about a bookstore remodel that you BLOG about it... and I know that no matter what it looks like or how it's rearranged it's still Watermark. (Books and tomato soup. Tomato soup and books). But that's what is rattling around in my head today. Next week when they re-open I am going to go and get some soup and a "Who Moved My Veggie Cheese" sandwich. Yes. The sandwich is called that. Their tuna sandwich? "Moby Dick." Egg salad? (Inexplicably) "Anna Karenina."

I love them.