Is there something in the water??

It seems that everyone I know is having some kind of drama with their spouse/significant other.
And some of these are pretty serious. One is out of work, one is "in love" with another man, one has a short and worsening temper, one announced he wanted a divorce after more than 25 years of marriage... I don't know what the problem is.

We are all making ourselves crazy trying to "fix" everything that is wrong.
We can't.
We are all trying to fill in all of the gaps so that our kids won't see any problems.
They will anyway.
We are all trying to pretend that love is enough.
It isn't.
It is a lot, but it doesn't fix something that can't be fixed.

Some of us are entering that place - the point of no return that marks a dying relationship. If you've been there you know what I'm talking about. There is some kind of shift that happens - a bolt sliding into place that reveals a future alone. It is free and scary and liberating. Like coming back into an air conditioned house and taking a cool shower after spending the hottest part of the day working in the yard. Cleaner, accomplished, strong and dizzy with heat and exhaustion.
Some of us are just on the outer edges of that place and some of us are safe in the knowledge that this is just a phase, a stage, a temporary example of what we meant when we promised "for worse."

I have been here before. I have been in this place of pretending and planning. And there are times now that we are all pretending... pretending to agree, pretending to be too busy to talk, pretending to not be angry, pretending to sleep. And in some way we are all planning a sort of escape route. Even if we think we don't want to go anywhere.

I love my husband. I am doing the best I can, but honestly, it could go either way. We are not past the point of no return, but we are losing a little bit of "us" every day.
I am making a conscious effort every day to love him and keep softness in my feelings for him. Some days that is easier than others.

Sometimes it feels like I am two separate women - one trying to keep her marriage strong and healthy while the other one sneaks out to make sure her ass is covered in case things don't work out. What the hell kind of marriage-counselor-in-training says something like that?

We'll all be fine.
Right?