Responsibility

Oh I have been getting up so early!!
My mom is going out of town so I am helping out with my grandma in the mornings. She does very well on her own, but she gets tired easily... must be genetic... though she is in her mid 90's. Anyway, I went with mom a couple of times to get the routine down and now I'm on my own.
Some mornings she is up and already showered and I help her get dressed and then make her breakfast, other mornings she is still asleep and I wake her and we start her routine together.
I enjoy spending time with her like this - I rarely see her otherwise. Also she took care of me in the mornings before school all through elementary school and so there is a nice symmetry to these mornings. I was so young when my other grandmother died that I (we) missed out on the caretaker flip.
I do have some anxiety about it though... I worry that she will die and I will be the one to find her. Something I would probably worry about regardless of the dead husband, but now it's especially present. I can't admit that to anyone in my family because they would send someone else in my place. I don't want that. I think this is important for me to do; that I need to push through that spider web of anxiety and deal with the responsibilities that are on the other side.