Bartleby revisited

I heard from the coroner's office yesterday... he didn't overdose on anything. It was just the pancreatitis. He didn't do it on purpose. I am releived - I never thought he killed himself, but his mother kept telling people that's what happened. I think that made it easier for her to blame me.
At least there is a clear answer.
I am shocked at the effect this has had on me. I was just talking to a friend and said how much better I am doing now. Today I feel like I am right back there at the beginning.
Broken.
Then I got home and there was a letter addressed to him from the last place he worked. Apparently he never picked up his last check. (It's nothing to get excited about - about sweater's worth of Eco Wool, some socks and lunch at La Galette). Anyway, they wanted him to call and claim it... which isn't going to happen, so I called and left a message for them to call me. In the message I told them there was a comlplication... surely there is solution to this that will include me buying a sweater's worth of Eco Wool, some sock yarn and lunch at La Galette.

Am I ever going to be OK?
Not even great or fabulous or wonderful.
Just consistently and completely OK.