Just don't. It's better that way.
I check from time to time, on this boy/man/boy who used to leave love notes on my car and poetry in my apron pocket at work. This boy/man/boy who became the sun in my world and stayed there for five years. Five years.
Today he's poetic again, stretching this line of his life from first to last and I'm not even in there. Not anything to him. Not even an echo.
To be clear, it's not that I want him to be pining for me so many years later. It's not that I want him to even have thoughts about me on a regular basis - I am no one to him now and that's the way it should be. But maybe I was no one to him then. Maybe that whole stretch of my life was fiction and everything I remember was just filler, not even worth remembering to him.
He would laugh at this. Even so many years later I know this to be true. He would be scornful and I would feel small. Petty.
Or maybe I'm just overreacting and should just remember that no matter what happens or changes or becomes history one thing will always be true:
Never read your ex's blog. Just don't.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Never Read Your Ex's Blog.
Posted by J. Denae at 7:34 PM
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5 comments:
I know what you mean. I have an ex who is usually called "Psycho Boy" when I tell stories about him, and it's...I don't know, frustrating that he barely acknowledges my existence, that he put me through hell for 3 years before I finally put my foot down, and actually, he pretty much blames everything on me.
Now, I realize that there are three sides to every story - what he says, what she says, and what really happened - but his perception of the truth is just...stunning. And not in a good way.
So yeah, I know exactly what you mean. *sigh*
ask me about my ex in washington sometime. there aren't just 3 sides, there can be 1000 sides to a story. with men like that, the only side that matters is the one that puts them in the best light. which, unfortunately and undeservingly, puts us in the worst.
Mmm. I've been quietly reading since you first mentioned about your daughter's outburst at Watermark Books. I'm usually a big fat blabber and commenter and always have something to say about those things but... I don't know. It's hard to know what to say.
I have a huge long past with my ex. We were married 13 yrs. Divorced 9 yrs now. 3 kids together. Oh it's an ugly horrible relationship we have with each other now. For a long time he didn't know about my blog and I could talk about him and our "custody stuff" quite freely. I finally got what I wanted regarding custody last fall and the kids moved here to Kansas. Then... about a month or so later my daughter mentioned to him over the phone that he could see photos of her school project on my blog, then commenced to telling him the blog address.
BAM. It put me into an instant panic. And then I realized I had never said anything about him that was untrue. I had never revealed anything that was a detail better left unsaid on the blog. Whew. Reality check helped me realize I didn't have to shut down my blog, thank heaven. But it did change what I might say about him again in the future.
I know none of this applies to what you said. Ex's are a reality. A rotten reality. Usually when someone refuses to acknowledge that you existed, I like to think it's because they can't deal with the pain of losing you. It's their way of coping. They're insecure about the way things ended and unwilling to accept the fact that it was their fault.
Since we will most likely never have the opportunity to disect our ex's brains and know the truth, I like making up truths that make me feel better. heh
One thing to remember is that your daughter is watching you both. You are both laying the foundation for your future relationship with her right NOW. The way you treat each other. The way you talk about each other to her. These things are shaping her feelings toward you both. If you have the self control to speak kindly about him, tell her stories of whatever good times you had with her dad, etc, it truly does bond her to you. If she senses negative feelings from him about her mother it will only create negative feelings within her toward him.
I have nine years of those experiences with my children and my ex. At this point they are about like your daughter. They are often coming up with "I hate Dad" statements out of the blue for various reasons.
Sorry to yap on and on about it. Best wishes for the happiest possible future with your daughter and dealings with the X.
And you're right. Reading his blog is probably not a good thing for you. :)
Luckily, my ex can't even get his stuff together well enough to buy a computer. :p I wonder if his girlfriend has one?
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