Drat! Foiled Again!

Did anyone else hear NPR's warning about gift cards? Drat. Last year's Christmas List was full of gift carding... as was my wish list.

Though this Christmas does have a different vibe to it, and I think the difference is entirely tied to Bartleby. I am dealing with his death, but somehow (as heartless as this may sound) that is so much easier than dealing with him. He is much less insistent and easier to deal with on my own time. He takes so much less energy this year. Not so much anger. I feel more creative, more interested in things, more content.
So I find that I am less offended by Christmas cheer than usual, and that I am actually sort of excited about the holidays.

I feel like there is just more of me to go around.

And I think I might even be happy. (Don't tell anyone).

So Christmas shopping... right...

My gift card planning this year was more or less limited to iTunes, local businesses and massage by The Fabulous Michelle anyway... so it's really not such a huge thing for me, but I am constantly floored by the repercussions of this financial crisis.

My own financial crisis has taught me a lot about how and why I bleed money and what I can do about it and still be happy. It has taught me to be more thoughtful about my spending.
I want to be able to maintain my self-indulgent lifestyle of knitting and lunch dates and massage and acupuncture and movies and still be able to, you know, pay my mortgage and buy food for Bean. And I have found that I can do that... if I am less impulsive and accept the fact that just because something exists and I like it doesn't mean I have to own it rightthisminute... or even at all.

It still sort of hurts to type that... but I'm working on it.