Crazy Girl Update...

I am still not getting to sleep easily in the evening, but otherwise things are pretty good. I'm smoking less and eating better - more fresh fruit, less Pop Tart.

I am even (mostly) managing not to obsess about the state of my (r)elationship.

It's nice to be able to (in small ways) relax and stretch into my life. I am still emotionally skittish, and in many ways I am still waiting for the next wave of bad things to overwhelm me - but I am trying to trust that everything will be OK.

And there's that word: trust.
Trust is not something that comes easily for me. The appearance of trust, sure, but actual trust? Not so much. There is this little voice in my head - it used to be a female voice, but now sounds uncomfortably like Bartleby - telling me not to get too comfortable, telling me that I am fooling myself, telling me to enjoy spring now because the winter is long and lonely and cold.
But I think it's normal to step cautiously when the ground around you has been known to shift and sometimes just completely vanish.

Perhaps the Therapist has been too hasty in his "no padded cell" decision.

Or maybe I'm just too needy. Maybe I require too much reassurance, too much praise.
How exhausting.

I'm going to knit now.
Knitting is simple and therapeutic and when I make mistakes not only can I tell right away, but I know how to fix it. Even if fixing it means starting completely over.