Somebody Smack Me Hard

Next time I get all weepy about not being able to have another baby. I have clearly lost the knack for it.
My sister came over for lunch today... it was all fine. We talked about nothing important, which is more than fine.
I have never (ever) in my 30-muffle-muffle-years cooked on a grill. How is this possible? Well, I have this basic aversion to the outdoors, what with all of the bugs and the sun and stuff. I also have a tendency to be somewhat of a hazard around fire. Those two things that I know to be true about myself have made me less than a perfect candidate for outdoor cooking. I enjoy outdoor cooking (and indoor for that matter) when someone ELSE is responsible for the outcome and I am responsible for drinking beer and looking happy that someone else is cooking for a change.
But she brought her little grill and then she showed me how to use it. I can now grill over charcoal. Hooray.
But the children. Holy cats, the children.
My child will sit quietly for hours on end if there is either a television, a book, some knitting or something to write with. If all of the above are present I may not even know she is home until she gets hungry.
She has been like this for as long as I've known her (though the specific items she wants have, of course, changed). Maybe I'm idealizing her baby- and toddler-hood. The world may never know.
But these children...
The one-year-old and the two-year-old spent the afternoon climbing on me. When they weren't climbing on me they were peeing on me, rubbing wet cookie into my couch or grabbing random things from the shelves and either chewing on them or throwing them at me.
They refused to eat, preferring instead to climb on me so that I couldn't eat or spit tiny little mouthfuls of food across the dining room.
They can not be stopped.
My sister is not a complacent, quiet mom. She does not sit by and watch these things just happen. There are just more of them than there are of us. And they have more energy. And they're armed with wet cookies and poo.

I need a drink. And a lie down. And my tubes tied. And perhaps my ovaries removed for good measure.