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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Anyone have an extra million dollars I can have?

I am so tired of worrying about money. I am so tired of being OUT of money. Of course, being out of money hasn't stopped me from spending it... and it certainly hasn't stopped the bills from coming. I really thought that getting a second job would help, but apparently it follows the big-purse theory... you just keep filling it up. The husband is sure that he will have a job soon. He has been feeling better and he says he is ready to get out and do something.
Y'all know that I am MORE than ready for him to get out and do something. Despite all six months of evidence to the contrary, we are not a one-income family. And honestly, despite all six months of evidence to the contrary, my husband is a hard worker and a really good employee. I hired him, and he worked under me for years - he was my go-to guy. If someone needed a shift covered, if there was extra stuff that needed to be done he was the first person to volunteer to do it. He was good at what he did. Losing the job at the station was really hard on him - the university wouldn't let us renew his contract a second time after he wasn't a student anymore.
He had another job within the week... that was the call-center job that was so horrible but he did it. He hated it every day, but he did it. And then his dad died and everything recognizable about him went away.
Over the past few weeks he has really started to act more like the guy I married... he laughs more and has been helping out around the house and we have had actual conversations. It is so difficult to trust this new/old him. I'm scared that I'll lose him all over again and I don't know that we could come back from that again. We did it this time through sheer force of will.
I'm glad he is back. I missed my husband and I'm glad he's better at home - I just need him to translate that to the outside world.
I know that money won't fix everything, but I'm willing to take that risk. I am willing to risk the complications that come from too much rather than too little.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say I read your blog and I think you are such a strong woman! Thank you for sharing!!!!! Not everyone would stick it out like you have.

Emma said...

I agree. I love how honest you are on your blog. It's awesome. And I'm glad that things seem to be improving, and I can certainly understand your mistrust too. Here's to hoping that the change in the weather brings a lifechange along with it.