Washcloth-a-go-go!!

So I finally have an excuse to clean out the back seat of my car!! On Thursday, my friend K and I have a date to knit. We've both been reading Mason Dixon Knitting and are feeling like we need to buy some cheap cotton yarn and stitch up some cute washcloths. It's a sickness. But I need to make room for carseats for the small and meduim-sized babies so that we can all go yarn shopping together. Woo hoo!!! There is something about the backseat of an SUV that just cries out for a carseat or a dog or something. I have neither carseat nor dog, and even Bean is tall enough to ride in the front, so the back seat has been relegated to wasteland. My guess is that I will find more than 10 books and that I will be ashamed of the sheer number of fast-food wrappers.

You know, of course, that "clean out the back seat of my car" probably means "throw everything from the back seat to the way back and then adjust it so that I can actually still see out of the rear window," right? Of course you do. You've been paying attention!

I am hungry... I (literally) have not eaten anything today that wasn't mostly sugar. In our office we celebrate the birthdays for the month at the first Monday meeting of the month so there was birthday cake. It was carrot cake. I love carrot cake. It's not my favorite, that's chocolate, but it's right up there. I think it's either the cream cheese frosting or the fact that it includes healthy stuff that does it for me. The husband is going to be working late and there's no kid this week so I'm on my own for dinner and I honestly can't think of anything that I want. I don't have to worry about anyone else's preferences and I can't think of anything that sounds good. I hate that.

When I am faced with decisions like this I usually call someone else to ask if they want to go out to dinner and then ask what they want just to limit my options. I do this with movies, too. I used to be completely unable to spend an evening alone - not because I don't like being alone, but because it happened so infrequently that I wanted to make the most of it - and then would be unable to decide what to do. On good days that meant I did nothing. On bad days I would call the idiot step-mother (in the days just before I knew she was an idiot and had the potential to be the stepmother) and she would come over and run my life for a few hours (days, weeks, whatever). I have since learned to appreciate and enjoy time alone, as even on the bad days it is preferable to opening your life to a slow but steady overtaking by someone who appears harmless but is really toxic.

(Wow, where'd that come from?)

I am really getting used to having her in Bean's life. I am still not entirely comfortable with it (mostly because she has a limited capacity for understanding boundaries and tends toward full domination) but I am really starting to loosen up. I think a wall of hate is easier than admitting that she really hurt me. Really really really hurt me. More than he did. I expected a certain amount of lying and cheating from him but she flew under my radar. No wonder I have trust issues.

(deep breath in, and we're out of time for today)

Riiiiight... so dinner... Chinese food is always a popular option when the husband is not part of the picture. But so is middle-eastern. Hummus and schwarma? Teryaki Chicken with rice? Cashew Chicken? Curry? Or do I (gasp) go to the grocery store (that would be that big building where you buy unprepared food, right?) and buy something to make for myself? I hate cooking for one. I love cooking for six or seven but one or two seems like more trouble than it's worth.

knitting content tomorrow!!