New Buddy

I got up at 5:30 this morning.
I know.

I had to go to Ft. Riley with J for outreach. J is a nice enough guy, but we have occasionally had some weirdness... so I was a little worried about this trip. 4 hours in the car with someone is a LOT.

We had a blast. He's sarcastic and smart and funny and totally impatient with other drivers. Just my kind of travel buddy.

The snow started about the time we got there and by the time we left everything was slick. We saw 4 accidents before we even got of the base!!

Visibility was pretty low for most of it and Mr. Combat Vet drives like he's in a convoy in the desert. I was not exactly scared or anything, I mean, we were in a government vehicle and I wasn't driving, but I am super glad to be back in town and behind my desk where I belong.

And seriously? The thing that we had to drive all the way up there to do? Took like, 20 minutes.
Your tax dollars at work.

But we had a good time, and so far that's been the highlight of my week. I know it's only Tuesday and it's possible that things will get better... but yesterday was particularly bad, and Sunday wasn't my favorite either.
I did go to the doctor yesterday and she gave me a Z-pack for my sinus infection and also something to halt production in the snot factory so I am feeling TONS better than I did all last week.

I think it's the time of year. I think that this year the holiday blues started late but is making up for lost time. I feel shakey and anxious and just BAD. Every little thing is making me cry and my first reaction to just about everything is to either hide under the covers with the kitties or to throw out the attitude and just say "fuck it."

J and I were talking about that today too... that impulse to just say "fuck it" when things get complicated. I do think it's sort of liberating, but it is as much of a defense mechanism as hiding under the blankets with the kitties. It is just as harmful in the long run. He's one of those guys who can handle a relationship until things get emotionally sticky and then he disappears (what's that like?) until things calm down. I said, "Oh so you're a big coward?" He laughed and said, "No I just don't want all of the drama and bullshit." I said, "If you weren't such a fucking coward there would be less drama and bullshit. And also? Stop dating girls younger than you. All they want is a baby daddy." He said he was shocked that neither of my marriages worked out. I said army or no army I could kick his ass any day.

So now we're really buddies.

He lives out in the middle of nowhere because when the government collapses he wants to be prepared... yup, one of those. But the idea that the government might collapse and society might go feral is sort of like the idea of a judgmental God who will reign fire and brimstone over my head because I believe that abortion should be legal and accessible. Which is to say, I don't really believe in it, but I am a little scared of it. So I asked what a girl had to do to be invited into the compound when the world falls apart. He said, "What can you bring?"
So I gave my standard answer.
Xanax and snacks.

I'm totally in.