Rainy Monday...

Anybody else miss cherry pies from McDonalds? The apple ones are ok... but the cherry ones were really the best.
I shouldn't go to McDonalds at all... I should be eating raw carrots and celery. I should be eating one of the eight diet lunches in the freezer at work. I should be fasting.
Oh well. Those snack wraps are good. I did opt for a salad over fries, but pie = comfort. Today is a day for comfort.

It rained on my way to Hospice. Not like, "Oh, it's raining," rain. Like "Where's the freaking ark?" rain. Like I could see the tail lights of the car in front of me, but not the actual car. Like in the forty feet between my car and the door I was wet to the skin. Really glad I wore my crocs today.

I had to get a TB skin test today too. Good times. I'm such a hypochondriac. The nurse said, "Ok, let me know immediately if you have any pain or redness." And, of course, then it started to hurt and I keep waiting for it to look like I spilled Kool-aid on my arm. I'm fine, of course I'm fine, but what if I'm not??? Jeez.

My legs and back are really sore... I scrubbed my kitchen floor last night. On my hands and knees. Just me and the Pine-Sol and a scrub brush. ("Why, Naplover", you might be thinking, "that doesn't sound at all like you! Did you lose a bet? Were you forced into some kind of servitude? Was it hypnosis?") Nope. Just flat out anger. I dropped my nephew off yesterday and my sister's (ex?)boyfriend answered the door. He was putting groceries away. I thought I saw his car when I picked my nephew up in the first place, and I did think it was sort of odd that She was waiting outside with the kids when I got there. Then my nephew said that the (ex?)boyfriend woke him up this morning. I don't know if he was there the night before or not. I can't believe he was there at all. The whole covert, parents banding together to rescue her thing was supposed to ensure that he didn't know where she was living. It was supposed to protect her. Between our parents and her mom and stepfather they probably spent just under $5,000 to make all of that happen. They paid for a few months rent and bought her a washer and dryer and a microwave and curtains and stocked her kitchen. We circled the wagons (and Explorers and F150's) and because she is very pregnant she didn't even have to move anything. We just did it. We unpacked her kitchen, her bathroom. We put the crib together and made the beds.
And all of that so that she could get out of a dangerous relationship and he wouldn't know where to find her.
And then he answers the door.

I'm just done.
I've never been "done" with a family member before. Not even my dad. Boys, yes. Toxic friends, yes. Family? Not so easy. Maybe I will calm down in a few months, but if tomorrow was Thanksgiving we would not go to my parent's house if she planned to be there. And that makes me feel really sad.

I want half a xanax, my blanket and some quiet dark. I want to be able to say "two tears in a bucket, motherfuck it." I want the entire universe that is my family to stop revolving around my "poor" sister. I want to stop hearing the phrase, "What are we going to do about A?" WE are going to realize that she is almost 30 years old. WE are going to realize that she needs to figure all of this out on her own because throwing money at the problem just gets you screwed. WE are going to make alternate Christmas plans because WE need to find OUR drama-free zone and hole up in it for awhile because WE have way too much going on to worry about someone who (apparently) doesn't want help.

Now where the hell is that apple pie?!?