I'm out.

My mom called me last night - they were going over to confront my sister and wanted me to watch the kids so that they wouldn't get upset. Apparently he's been sleeping there, too. He was gone by the time I got there so I missed them kicking him out, and I missed him calling my mother a bitch and I missed him telling my dad that the apartment might belong to my parents but everything in it belonged to him.
I got there in time to hear my sister defend him and tell my parents that they didn't understand. I played with the kids (and tried to listen). My dad is a pretty calm guy and he was so angry... I don't blame him, I'm angry too. We're all angry. She called her mom after we left and was trying for some sympathy but T wasn't having it either. She supported everything that my parents told her. I don't know where it goes from here. I don't know what is next. I know that I am done, and I know that she is angry with me for talking to them. I also know that I don't care about her anger right now.
It's not that I don't want to help, I just know that she won't be helped unless she's ready for it. I think that's what gets me the most about this whole thing... we didn't act until she said she was ready to leave him. We all waited and tried to be supportive and with only a few exceptions kept out of it. She put the whole thing in motion and our parents and her parents stepped up and made it happen and now, less than a month later she's defending him and letting him spend the night.
Mom thinks she moved out to teach him a lesson but all she did was teach us.
Dad called me this morning wanting to know how to get information on abuse. He thinks that if we educate her about emotional abuse she'll suddenly recognize her situation for what it is. I think he's being overly optimistic. I think he is going to get his heart broken. Again. He's putting all of this energy into finding out about the boyfriend, too. He's even talking about hiring a private detective to trail him... know your enemy and all that. I think he's hoping to get him arrested for DUI or something.
None of it is going to matter. Nothing is going to get her away from him until she has her a-ha moment, and we can't do that for her.
I'm in self-preservation mode, medicating with chocolate and Chinese food. I'm not interested in talking to her. I'm not interested in trying to reason with her or persuade her anymore. I feel like I have done everything I could do to help and anything else I could do would be pointless. I will do whatever my parents ask me to do for her, but I can't get wrapped up in it.
Of course, none of that helps ME not feel shitty and powerless and sad and helpless. If I knew what to do I'd do it... but right now it's all on her so I'm going to find some distance and hope for some peace.
Oh, and apparently I need blue underwear.