Or is it Memorex?

WARNING: SELF-PITY AHEAD, PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!!

Here is one of the biggest drawbacks to being medicated:
It's not the excessive sweating. It's not the cottonmouth. It's not the fatigue.
It's that I don't know when it's me and when it's a chemical breakdown. To be fair, I guess it's technically always "me" and always some sort of chemical breakdown/reaction/whatever.
But it's difficult to know tell when I am reacting as a normal person would, when I am overreacting and when it's just that I missed my dose.
And then there's the classification... is it my anxiety, my depression or both at once that this event is triggering.
And why?
Will I feel better if I take a pill?
Does the situation require more thought and discussion or am I obsessing?
Is this something that would bother someone else? But would it bother them this much?

(Believe me, I know that obsessing over this is not exactly a "sanity" signpost).

But my internal reaction tends to inform my outward behavior... so this is all kind of important.

For example, I am really sad right now. And by right now I mean for about the last four or five days. Increasingly so. I'm not really knitting or sleeping or reading... I have done a bit of writing for nanowrimo but it's all pretty grim as well.
The reasons for this could be any and all of the following:
-I am exhausted from playing nursemaid to my husband while also working two jobs and going to school and being a mom.
-I couldn't afford to refill my Cymbalta (expensive little fuckers) so I have been taking it every other day for about 2 weeks... and once I could afford to fill it I kept forgetting to go to the pharmacy.
-It's Christmas. Yes it is, ask the retailers.
-I heard something this week about someone I thought I knew pretty well that more or less shattered my image of them.
-My husband still does not have a job
-I ran into someone I knew from high school and he was a mess. I was briefly related to him by marriage, so I know that he has had a lot of mental issues that showed up in his mid-20's. And he has basically no family anymore for support. You know how when you run into someone from high school they may be fatter or wrinklier or have less hair or whatever but they still kind of look like themselves? He didn't look anything like the boy he was. It was like something had extinguished the him of him. It pretty much broke my heart.
-My house is a mess. My house being messy is nothing new. Even when it's clean enough for company there are places I would be embarrassed for people to be. But this mess seems hopeless and insurmountable. I can not imagine that it will ever be done. And if it ever IS done the first bit I cleaned will be trashed by the time I'm done with the last bit because I live with people who more or less don't care if the house is clean or not.
-There are several friends of mine whose marriages are not doing so well. Mine is no beacon of domestic bliss either... but it seems to be reaching epidemic proportions. There is just no way to know when or if the person you love more than anyone else in the world is going to flip you on your ass.

I could go on, but that's pretty much what's going on with me internally...

How does this manifest externally? The not sleeping/knitting/reading thing. The staring at the computer screen at work trying not to cry because I have to go be a social worker thing. The sitting in my car not wanting to go home but not wanting to be wherever I am so all I can do is cry in the car thing. The having a great afternoon with two good friends and then spending the rest of the afternoon convinced that I have somehow insulted or alienated one or both of them and consequently freaking out about every relationship I have thing...
The joking about my life because seriously, some of this shit is funny thing.

So is it me, or is it the season or is it the spotty pill-taking? Is it everything? Is it nothing?

Whatever it is, it's time for bed. Somewhere online there is an episode of Lost that I haven't seen and I'm going to find it.