My kid is not ok.
She's trying to be ok.
She lies about being ok.
But really? She's not ok. And I can't fix it. None of my mommy tools have the right fit.
It's not a huge surprise that she is depressed and has anxiety issues.
There's the nature argument: if both of your parents (and also their parents and siblings and grandparents) have black hair, you're probably going to have black hair.
Then there is the nurture argument... Dad? Unavailable emotionally. Mom? Completely overwhelmed most of the time. Stepmother? Unstable and unreliable. Stepfather? Unstable and also dead.
(If your grief knocks you on your ass in the woods and there's nobody around to hear it does it still hurt?)
You betcha.
It's one thing to feel hopeless and powerless over my own depression and anxiety, it's another thing entirely to feel that way about your child.
If she would just say, "Hey mom, I need to spend time with just you today!" It would be great... but she is a teenager and she also doesn't think her needs are very important. So I have to decipher when "I don't care" means that she doesn't care and when "I don't care" means no.
Sigh.
Where the hell are the instructions that came with her?!? Damn it.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Oh Bean.
Posted by J. Denae at 2:12 PM
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4 comments:
Oh, is this a familiar road. Just keep being there. One day, she'll open up.
She's a girl. All girls alternate between love and hate with their moms. I still think you're a great mom, and I know Bean will be fine. She's such a good kid. And even SHE probably doesn't know when she means "I really don't care " and when she means "Smother me with matenral affection!"
Maternal. Yes, I can spell. No, I did not mean "material."
Let me know if you find those instructions. I could use a peek at those.
Also let me know if you and Bean want to come over and watch Twilight on the big TV sometime. We'd love it if you would. :)
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