Marriage

I did not finish the 3-day Danica. Instead I'm going to finish it for her for Christmas. If I had not taken such a lovely nap on Saturday I might have come much, much closer... but napping was an essential part of a successful Saturday.

I worked in the morning and then had my aunt's birthday party at 4 and Andie's birthday party at 7. I got back home around 11 and fell into bed. I woke up Sunday at 8 and said, "Get back to bed, Missy, there is much more sleep to be had."
And there was.
I count on my weekend sleep to see me through the week... and while I didn't get as sick as Sally, I am certainly still fighting something. I am feeling much better (emotionally and physically) than last week, but we all know how quickly and easily that can backslide.

I've been thinking about marriage a lot lately - partly because our anniversary was last week, and partly because it's fall. My mother is worried that I will take "the easy way" (her words) and let my heart wither. That I will give up on the idea that there is someone who could love me forever. Less important than that, honestly, is the idea that I will give up on the idea that I could love someone forever. That pain and disappointment are necessarily tied to loving someone and that I would be better off without the hassle.

I don't worry about that. My heart is big and full and strong.
I am not afraid to get hurt... ok, I am afraid to get hurt, but not so afraid that I let it restrict my movement.

Every time I say "I'm not getting married again," there is someone who says that I am just inviting fate to step in. But just because I don't want to get married doesn't mean that I don't want to have a solid, long-term relationship. It doesn't mean that I am afraid of commitment or fidelity or love. It just means that I have tried marriage. Twice. And neither of them went well.

I like being single... single in a monogamous relationship works for me. It means that I have balanced freedom and tether in a way that makes me happy.
And I don't have to wash anyone's underpants but my own.