For the LOVE of ham sandwiches!
I've been cruising a dating site. (No judging. Its getting cold outside, Kids, and weekend nights are chilly). But SERIOUSLY!!! What is with some of these guys??
I got messaged by a 19-year-old. I mean, besides the fact that I am almost old enough to have given birth to him, I am not interested in any interaction with a child whose profile picture involves a white boy throwing gang signs.
It is fucking scary out there, people. I know I'm no great beauty, but I do have enough self-respect to have standards that preclude MOST of the men on the site.
So here's a partial list of who I do NOT want, based on things I honestly actually saw tonight.
NO MEN WHO
1. look like Malfoy's creepy dad (he's out there, ladies)
2. are mostly naked in their profile pictures
3. are drinking and/or high in their pic
4. mention God, Christ, or My Lord and Savior as "can't live without"
5. mention their mental disorder
6. went to high school with me
7. look like my ex-husband
8. look like my ex-boyfriend
9. look like they could be my SON
10. took their profile pic in the gym
11. took their profile pic in the bathroom
12. took their profile pic wearing gold chains
13. talk about "their writing"
14. talk about their RPG's
15. talk about writing about their RPG characters
16. are photographed with a gun
17. are photographed with a dead animal
18. are photographed in their karate pajamas
19. post a GLAMOR SHOT featuring their cowboy hat
20. confuse your, you're and yore
21. use the word "yore"
22. are wearing a skirt (unless it's a kilt... and then only maybe)
23. are featured in some pose with their motorcycle
24. wear their baseball hat backwards
25. don't know that you're supposed to have either long hair or a bald patch
26. mention "the gym" in their "can't live without"
27. are featured kissing another woman, stripper or not
28. are dressed for the Ren Faire in a non-ironic way
29. say "I need to find a direction for my life"
30. mention high school
31. mention their mothers
32. mention their ex-wives
33. make the "I'm tough" face that makes them look constipated
34. did I mention guys from high school?
35. look like they might be too old to date my mom
36. resemble Jon (as in "and Kate")
37. have BUGS on their BEARDS
38. uses a wedding pic. From their own weddings. HONESTLY
39. are "working on thinking about maybe going back to school." Go or don't go. Jeez
40. look like Nick Rhodes... unless that WAS Nick Rhodes...
I'm exhausted.
Also? I'm thinking I'll just buy an electric blanket instead.
Monday, September 28, 2009
I Don't Want...
Posted by J. Denae at 9:55 PM
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6 comments:
ROFL. Is it bad that several of those definitely wouldn't be deal-breakers for me, if I were dating currently? lol. But I definitely get why they're on your list!
Sounds scary. Yeah, a cozy blankie sounds good. And it won't steal your covers.
That was hilarious - you could start a website about just that topic. I laughed out loud and my mom came in and she too cracked up.
What's wrong with having bugs in your beard? Cooties are for sharing.
Oh, it's scary out there WITHOUT looking at dating sites! But your list is inspired!!!!!!!!
LMAO I'd have to agree with most of that list, too. Thanks for the laugh.
This was so funny I just choked on my water. I think I work with these guys. Apparently, internet dating sites are why they never get any work done. So, it IS okay is they were Ren Faire clothes, as long as it is in an IRONIC way?
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