Several people at my new job bring dogs to work. Most of them are little dogs - purse sized - but there is one black lab that comes around.
I'm not AGAINST this practice... So long as there isn't any poo around... But it is a little unfair to cat owners.
I think about how the day would go if I brought Sheldon, for example.
The amount of havoc that boy can create is legen-waitforit-DARY. I can see him stealing pens from desks and chewing on, well, everybody and everything.
And everybody's everything.
Oy.
But Sammie might just curl up on the other chair and "Mrrrrrp!" at people. That might be nice.
Of course, I'd have to have a litter box. And there would certainly be poo.
Maybe I should get a fish for companionship.

Work, Work, Work.

So the job is going well so far... I'm in the middle of training right now, so I won't really start to meet my clients for another week. Everyone goes through the same basic training, so today I was in class with three (very young) new aides. (Seriously. One of them was SEVENTEEN. Which is exactly half my age. Half). When they say really stupid things or ask really stupid questions I have to remind myself that they are CHILDREN and can't really help it.

I am now certified to pass meds and check vitals and blood glucose levels.

We learned some things that I thought were very basic no-brainers. Like... if you're going to help clean someone after they have messed their pants you should wear gloves.

Look. I don't know about anyone else, but you do not have to remind ME to wear gloves in any situation like that. In fact? Try to stop me. I want double gloves and a fucking HAZ-MAT suit.
And a raise.

Lucky for me, social workers don't usually handle the physically messy stuff... but it's good to know procedure just in case. And in an emergency situation I am capable of a lot of things I would ordinarily consider impossible.

The drive isn't bad at all. I just finished listening to Jen Lancaster's newest book. I love her. Really. Today I started a David Sedaris book... the drive flies by. So far I don't even mind how early I have to get up to be there on time. Remember, I came from the magical world of radio where I rolled out of bed at the crack of 9 to be on the air by 10. Early is not my friend.

I thought that working would be such a relief that I would sleep like a baby. I have been wrong before. I've slept an average of two hours a night this week so far. It is my great hope that I will get more sleep tonight.
I don't know if there is any connection at all... but despite my lovely job I am still worried about money.

I sort of knew how much gas it was going to take and what that was going to cost me, but I don't think I was really prepared for it. Basically, my gas tank is sucking down all the rest of my reserves.

I will get a real paycheck in two weeks and with any luck I can keep my head above water until then.

Job Update

I have one!!
Finally.

I am not a QMRP, just a case manager... but I think that's actually a good thing. You know, considering I have more or less NO experience with the population. My boss even pushed for me to get more money per hour since I have to drive an hour each way. So nice, right??

My last boss? Would NEVER have offered more money. (Not Andie, obviously, but HER boss). In fact, he once offered me LESS money than I was making in a temporary position to make it permanent. Less. Money. Swear to God. I looked at him and said, "Or I cold quit."

BUT that is in the past.

My new job? Starts tomorrow. ACK!!
Bean's dad bought me a Snoopy card to say "Congratulations!"... and Deb said she was "Snoopy Dancing" for me, so when I saw this tote bag at Wal Mart:






I knew that it had to come home with me.
Cause what I need is another tote bag, right??
Totally.

I'm going to pack my lunch and some things for my new office and some knitting (I might have down time) and an extra shirt in case I get all "oopsie" with my food at lunch.

Tomorrow is orientation, Thursday and Friday are "shadowing" days and Monday is when the real training starts. I'm excited... I'll let you know!

Crap.

I've been noticing that when things go wrong it's not always the last thing you did that caused it.
Like when you reach for a Kleenex and your back goes out.
Or you pick up an empty mug and the handle falls off and the mug hits the floor and breaks.
Or you joke with your mom about money and she freezes up and nothing you can say is going to be OK for awhile.

Me and my mommy.
Wow.
It takes so very little for our good humor to freeze over and for feelings to be hurt. And we can go months without incident and then something I say or do cancels everything out. And after 34 years of these patterns the precipitating event doesn't even have to be very big to cause extensive fallout. Maybe it's just this way with mothers and daughters...

I know the two things I said tonight to cause the shift in mood... but I don't know what came before them. What list of missteps I have made before tonight. Small things that on their own mean nothing, little grievances that have become a long list of wrongs.

It's exhausting. Really.

Will there be an actual confrontation? Or will I be able to make it up to her with good behavior? Was she just out of sorts tonight? Am I oversensitive because of my run in with whatshisname? (And what was THAT about anyway??)

For the second time today I am looking at one of my relationships thinking, "Why is this so complicated?" This business of loving me just seems unbearable to the people who have to do it. I really sort of feel sorry for them.

OK. That's one of those whine-y, pathetic things that I make fun of other people for writing. I'll stop.

Time for bed.

Blahsville

Had a(nother) second interview yesterday... Including me, there are three people vying for two positions. One is a QMRP - basically more responsibility and more money, and the other is a case manager. I think they really like me, and I got to meet some of the clients... but I have been down this road before. It's entirely possible that the other two people interviewing have worked with this population for ten years and I will be edged out (again) by experience.
But how is one supposed to GET experience if one can't get hired??

So my life has slowed down again to wait.

I'm trying to sty positive and leave the house at least once a day, but that is actually much more difficult than it sounds. I just don't feel very social these days. And I get tired so fast.

I have been falling asleep by 10 every night and then waking up around 2. I don't know what the hell that's about, but it seriously needs to stop. It means I have been watching a lot of daytime TV. That also needs to stop. Morning Newscast banter, Martha Stewart, The Price is Right and other inanities are sucking away my will to think.

Friday I decided to mow the front yard (I KNOW, right?). I think my lawn has been mowed three times this summer. It's wrong. I know. But the front yard gets so much shade that it doesn't get very high, just scraggly and I'm rarely in the back, so I don't realize that it's, you know, waist high. And I hate to mow. Hate it. So I go into avoidance mode.

It wasn't so bad, but I was too tired and WAY overheated by the time I got to the backyard so I thought I'd finish on Saturday. I made it almost all the way through the backyard when the mower died. And when I say "died" I mean sputtering and emitting black smoke. Dead.

So after all that I'm going to have to call someone else in to finish anyway.

So I'm off to do more laundry and watch my soap opera.

Hi. I need a fucking job.

Ernie Delivered

This is my adorable brother Jesse in his new Ernie sweater.















Oh yes, it's DONE and DELIVERED.
And he has been threatened with unspeakable pain if he should put Ernie in the dryer.

Isn't he cute?!?

Bean wants one now... I said, "Knit it yourself, child." Cause Ernie?? Never again. And also, KnitPicks Superwash? You are dead to me.

I've been doing pretty well in my mission to finish up some of the lingerers on my UFO pile... but it's so hard to not cast on for new stuff!!!

Pros and Cons

Had a(nother) job interview today... I have a good feeling about it. I did NOT mention the dead husband, yet I did show off the tattoo. Weird. This whole George Costanza thing where I do the OPPOSITE of what I usually do might actually work.

I haven't been offered the job yet, but if they do offer it to me I need to decide if I'm going to take it.

It's not like the interview I turned down yesterday - working with sex-offenders. (That? I know is not the job for me. Jiffy Lube is more the job for me than 40 hours a week with sex offenders).

This job would be more than perfect if it was located, you know, in my city. Or even my county. It's about an hour away.

So here is my list:

PRO
-I can wear jeans to work
-They like my tattoo
-They want me to teach a knitting class
-Salary is within my necessary range
-Virtually no jail visits (this is entirely an assumption)
-Not a huge, mammoth, mindless, soul-sucking, windowless warren of cubicles
-Does not require the LMSW exam or license which means I can relax a little
-Health insurance (eventually)
-Co-workers? Already love them
-2 hours in the car every day = 10 hours of audio-book listening per week
-Flexible hours means I can go in early and leave early or go in late and leave late
-Would be my ONLY job offer so far

CON
-Two hour round trip (in snow, sleet, ice, migraine, swine flu, tornado, etc.)
-Hour away from Bean if there is an emergency
-Would have to buy new car WAY ahead of schedule *OR* Would have to spend more than $50 a week on gas JUST for work
-Health insurance takes 90 days to kick in
-Wear and tear on my car
-A population I've worked with but know very little about (MR)
-Should maybe join AAA (= MORE cost)

I'm sure more will occur to me as I go along...
And really? I would probably take any job that was offered at this point, but the secret is that there are two jobs now that I'm waiting to hear from. I feel like this interview went MUCH better, but then I've thought that before. Repeatedly.

The other job is in town (though all the way over on the west side) and it would be in a huge, mammoth, mindless, soul-sucking, windowless warren of cubicles. It would be a job that I had ONLY as long as it took to pass the exam and move on to a better job. This one is something I can see myself settling into. I just wish it wasn't so far away.

Sigh.