Random Thursday Stuff

Who decided whether a show "makes it" or not? What About Brian is gone forever but Notes from the Underbelly carries on? Seriously.
I know that we're in desperate times with the writers strike and all...
Of course, I'll probably watch it.
It's still not What About Brian.

*****

I can't find my wrist brace. And this time I need two. I think I may dealing with carpal tunnel. Tingly fingertips in the morning, hands swollen, shooting pain from wrist to elbow. Also the joints in my wrist feel like they're on fire. Ibuprofen and alternating heat and ice. I know.
And also? Take a break from knitting and typing. See how well that's going?

*****

So my weekend is full... I have a pharmacology workshop all day Saturday and then the first of my extra shifts. It will be interesting to see how different other shifts are. Apparently I have an unusually quiet shift - others are much more active. Not what I'm hoping for. Though I guess as long as nobody throws up on me it will be ok. (Note to self: pack a change of clothes). Not really, but I do need to do some serious strategic packing for Saturday. Being away from the house from 9am to midnight is like having a toddler again. Books, snacks, juice boxes and other diversions.

*****

My cats have fleas. This is the first time in my history as a cat owner that I have had to deal with this. And they're inside cats, so that means they got the fleas from us. Anyway, I tried one of those medications that you apply to the back of the neck and all it did was piss them both off and make their fur look funny for a few days. The fleas seem unimpressed. I haven't noticed any bites on myself or the other humans in the family - and when I get a bite of any kind it swells and itches. I guess that's good news, right? Stupid fleas.

*****

Bean was sick today and stayed home, but she said she feels well enough to go back tomorrow. I sometimes think I'm too easy on her - she's had a lot of sick days this year and for the most part she's fine the next day. How can you tell when they're sick and when they're faking? I mean, when she's sick sick it's obvious, but when she's just feeling icky? And I feel icky a lot of the time and if I could call in sick I totally would. She gets good grades in school so being at home is not interfering with her education. The last thing I want to do is send her to school sick and then have to pick her back up because she's too sick to stay.
She's fine and I should stop second-guessing myself.

*****

I feel less like an emotional train wreck and more like a person today. Cymbalta is my friend. I need to be more loyal. You know, visit at the same time of day, every day.
Though I did have to make a stop at the Social Work department today and I ran into a professor I really like. I told her about my new part time job and she knows the supervisor on my shift. I told her that we got along like peas and carrots and she said, "But that's you and everybody!" It was such a nice thing to say and yet that's what got my nerves going. I was suddenly really conscious of my breathing and my skin felt prickly. By the time I got to the elevators I was sweating and sort of shaky. What is with that??

*****
Enough random, time for bed.

This never happens.
Never.

You'll notice that in the first picture Sammy looks sort of annoyed and their paws are sort of stretched toward each other. That was the beginning of what usually becomes a battle full of hissing and carrying on.

Magically, they settled and actually rested fairly close together. Before this picture was taken the closest they had been (while relaxed) was on the green chair in yesterday's post. Neither of them slept like this - each kept one eye on the other.
But it's a start.

I will try to remember this on Live Like a Cat Day. That naps are more important than grudges or personal boundaries.

In Monkey news...




These are my lovely monkey socks. They fit so well!!









Here are my monkey goodies. I love swaps!

Live Like a Cat Day

So my friend James (aka Mr. Kerri) has come up with a fantastic idea. In the spirit of Talk Like a Pirate Day... It's Live Like a Cat Day.

"It is a holiday that will occur on January 12, 2008 where you can RELAX and do whatever you want for the entire day!" - says the blog.

Y'all, I'm in.

Check out his website and join in the festivities!

In Monkey news... my package came today!! I was spoiled monkey rotten!! Gorgeous socks that fit like a dream and cute little monkey goodies... a Curious George project bag and a "superstar" monkey pin and monkey head erasers!! AND Strawberry Newtons and Snickers and Reeses and Lindt balls. SERIOUSLY!! And some really lovely sock yarn and the Flicker pattern from Cookie A.

My Newtons are breakfast. It's fruit!

Detemined Cheerfulness...

Thanks for all of your support!! Sorry to be so whiny. I am determined to feel better, so in with that in mind here is a post of positive things!

-Today I wore pajamas to work. A pledge drive t-shirt and pink, fuzzy pj pants. I am comfy and warm. I also have my blankie in the car. Just in case. Last night I took a long (long, long) hot shower and then covered myself with lotion and then went to sleep. So today I'm all comfy and soft and good-smelling. Like a baby. Only I have to work and I will have to find my own lunch. Otherwise though? Baby.

-The lotion I used was fabulous!! Avon's new Naturals Body Yogurt - in Peach. Holy cats. It is creamy and thick and not at all greasy-feeling. It's apparently not available on their website yet but if you're interested let me know and I'll hook you up! It also comes in raspberry. And maybe blueberry.

- The next book for my book club is The Pirate's Daughter by Margaret Cezair-Thompson. I'm not quite 100 pages in, but so far I really love this book! It is making me want to drink fruity rum rinks and eat pineapple. And rent Errol Flynn movies.

-We are really short-staffed at my part-time job and I signed up for a crap-load of extra shifts. I realize that the next week or two will be exhausting and I will be crying and complaining, but I just have to keep my eyes on the prize... that paycheck. And the fact that I have two jobs can be stressful, but I have two jobs. Some people don't even have one... and since the second one is hourly I can increase my income by putting forth a little extra effort. Hell-o Yarn. I mean, Christmas presents. For other people.

-I have amazing friends. There are a few who have been around for a long-assed time... I've known Emilie and Michelle 19 years! There are the work friends, the knitting friends, the blogland friends, the friends who defy categorization. When I am down and sad and yucky it isn't that I forget that these people exist... it is more that I am waiting for them (you) to suddenly realize that you have more important people to care about. Self-doubt and self-pity are a bad combination! But I am very lucky that there are such strong and amazing women around me and I honestly learn important things from you all every day.

-My checking account is not negative. I know that ordinarily this is not something to get all excited about... I mean, your checking account is not SUPPOSED to be negative. That's like saying "I didn't get a speeding ticket today!" or "I'm not drunk at work today." (I mean, I didn't and I'm not, but anyway). But the way things have been lately, it is a wonderful thing to check my balance and find that it is positive.

- I got an email from my Monkey Swap pal and apparently my Monkey package should be here any second. I love presents. I also got an email from Knitpicks... my copy of Drunk, Divorced and Covered in Cat Hair is on the way. Not that I ordered anything online. A-hem.

Or is it Memorex?

WARNING: SELF-PITY AHEAD, PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!!

Here is one of the biggest drawbacks to being medicated:
It's not the excessive sweating. It's not the cottonmouth. It's not the fatigue.
It's that I don't know when it's me and when it's a chemical breakdown. To be fair, I guess it's technically always "me" and always some sort of chemical breakdown/reaction/whatever.
But it's difficult to know tell when I am reacting as a normal person would, when I am overreacting and when it's just that I missed my dose.
And then there's the classification... is it my anxiety, my depression or both at once that this event is triggering.
And why?
Will I feel better if I take a pill?
Does the situation require more thought and discussion or am I obsessing?
Is this something that would bother someone else? But would it bother them this much?

(Believe me, I know that obsessing over this is not exactly a "sanity" signpost).

But my internal reaction tends to inform my outward behavior... so this is all kind of important.

For example, I am really sad right now. And by right now I mean for about the last four or five days. Increasingly so. I'm not really knitting or sleeping or reading... I have done a bit of writing for nanowrimo but it's all pretty grim as well.
The reasons for this could be any and all of the following:
-I am exhausted from playing nursemaid to my husband while also working two jobs and going to school and being a mom.
-I couldn't afford to refill my Cymbalta (expensive little fuckers) so I have been taking it every other day for about 2 weeks... and once I could afford to fill it I kept forgetting to go to the pharmacy.
-It's Christmas. Yes it is, ask the retailers.
-I heard something this week about someone I thought I knew pretty well that more or less shattered my image of them.
-My husband still does not have a job
-I ran into someone I knew from high school and he was a mess. I was briefly related to him by marriage, so I know that he has had a lot of mental issues that showed up in his mid-20's. And he has basically no family anymore for support. You know how when you run into someone from high school they may be fatter or wrinklier or have less hair or whatever but they still kind of look like themselves? He didn't look anything like the boy he was. It was like something had extinguished the him of him. It pretty much broke my heart.
-My house is a mess. My house being messy is nothing new. Even when it's clean enough for company there are places I would be embarrassed for people to be. But this mess seems hopeless and insurmountable. I can not imagine that it will ever be done. And if it ever IS done the first bit I cleaned will be trashed by the time I'm done with the last bit because I live with people who more or less don't care if the house is clean or not.
-There are several friends of mine whose marriages are not doing so well. Mine is no beacon of domestic bliss either... but it seems to be reaching epidemic proportions. There is just no way to know when or if the person you love more than anyone else in the world is going to flip you on your ass.

I could go on, but that's pretty much what's going on with me internally...

How does this manifest externally? The not sleeping/knitting/reading thing. The staring at the computer screen at work trying not to cry because I have to go be a social worker thing. The sitting in my car not wanting to go home but not wanting to be wherever I am so all I can do is cry in the car thing. The having a great afternoon with two good friends and then spending the rest of the afternoon convinced that I have somehow insulted or alienated one or both of them and consequently freaking out about every relationship I have thing...
The joking about my life because seriously, some of this shit is funny thing.

So is it me, or is it the season or is it the spotty pill-taking? Is it everything? Is it nothing?

Whatever it is, it's time for bed. Somewhere online there is an episode of Lost that I haven't seen and I'm going to find it.

Hey Random!

Today I went to lunch and a movie with two good friends. We have all been a little (a lot) stressed out about various things going on in our lives so it was good to get away for a few hours. My lunch began with vodka and cranberry juice (just one) and included lots of fried things. We saw The Martian Child - holy cats I love John Cusack. A lot. Seriously.

The husband is healing and I am hopeful that by this time next week he will be fully functional and searching vigilantly for a job.
I am also hopeful that the tree in front of our house will start sprouting chocolate and that someone will discover that Twinkies have some hidden health benefit that outweighs their sugar/fat content. It's good to have hopes.
I am also hopeful that I won't contract some horrible disease from work tonight. Apparently a client over the weekend was somehow given aspirin instead of methadone and started vomiting on anything that didn't run away. Everything has been cleaned up at this point, but this person had Hep-C among other things and while the rational part of me knows that it's all ok, the irrational germ freak in me is under the desk screaming. And there are germs under there, too.

In general I'm not really that phobic about germs. My house is certainly not the spanky-clean palace that most germophobes aspire to. My phobia is really situational. Like, airplanes and elevators and public bathrooms and hospitals and nursing homes and my Sunday night job. But only when there are clients present. I expect unsanitary conditions at, say, McDonalds. And because of my years and years working at salons a little hair in my food doesn't bother me. As long as it appears to have come from the head. You know.

Sigh. I'll move on.

I found my Favorite Socks book, so that's a good thing. I am also pretty sure that while I will NOT be finishing a novel in November that I have a pretty good start at a something or other and that I am officially writing again. Not just blogging. Actual writing. I haven't done any of that since the relationship I was in before my husband and I got together. That guy. He just sucked everything interesting or cheerful or insightful or creative out of me. And the thing is that he looks like a great guy from the outside. And our relationship looked good from the outside. But it turned me weak and lifeless and I am well rid of him. Though I do miss his friends.

And I missed my friends too, so today was really nice. Tomorrow I'm meeting one of them at the gym. We have promised ourselves that we will exercise at least 20 minutes a day at least 3 times a week. We can do this.

Winter Coffee Swap

Question 1
When did you first start drinking coffee? What age were you? Was it about the caffeine, or do you love the taste and smell? Tell us how your passion began!

I started drinking coffee when I was eleven. The older kids at church started drinking coffee with the adults between Sunday School and the service. My friend Cynthia decided we were old enough to be like them. We even drank it black to prove that we could do it. At first I drank it to look "cool" and then I started to really like it. My first job was at a hair salon and we lived on coffee there... and of course, all of my poetry-writing oh-so-deep friends and I would sit in coffee shops for hours and drink coffee until our hearts threatened to beat out of our chests!
Bean got a much earlier start. When she was 10 months old she had just mastered the sippy cup. We were at the mall with her grandmother and she ordered a mocha. We were talking and at first we didn't notice that Bean had grabbed the cup (luckily it was relatively cool by then). She took a drink before I could grab for it and she kept drinking, fighting me the whole time. Ever since then, even as a baby, every time she smells coffee she wants some!