Send Midol. And Valium. And more pillows.

****WARNING*****Depressive ranting/whining ahead******
Soooooo.....
If they treat PMDD with antidepressants and you're taking antidepressants can you still have PMDD? I feel like I'm going to die. Or give birth to an SUV. Or die.
At least the fog in my head has lifted. For the last 8 days or so I have been feeling like I did before I started the Cymbalta! Exhausted by the smallest thing, staying in bed and ducking out of meetings to go home. Making excuses about late assignments and calling in sick to Hospice. Wednesday and Thursday I felt like a soap bubble - trembling and fragile and aimless.
Thursday I even left Hospice early. I got there just after the morning meeting and talked to the other social workers and did a little filing... and then I just left. I was going to treat myself - lunch, a manicure, something to fill time that would help me feeeeeeeeeel better. I ended up getting the oil changed in my car. Then I got lunch and read a little.
Friday I just. couldn't. get. up.
I was supposed to be at Hospice again but I felt tethered to the bed.
It took me four hours from the time I woke up until I got in my car. I was just so tired. I got up for a drink of water and went back to bed, feeling like I had weights attached to my arms and legs and head. A little while later I brushed my teeth. Back to bed. Shower. Bed. The husband came home and I was dressed, holding my socks and crying - I got the rest of my clothes on and just couldn't find the energy to sit up and finish. I wasn't sick... but my whole body felt heavy, like there was a special gravity just for me. I didn't even have the energy to sob... just pathetic, quiet tears. I think I scared him. He comes home at 2 in the afternoon and I'm watching a judge show with tears I can't stop running down my face. I stayed in bed for days and didn't knit or eat. He made me eat a pb&j before I left the house on Friday.
It all sounds so ridiculous now - just put socks on, right? Just get up and go, right? But I just couldn't. I can't explain it any better than that.
I didn't even want to knit. I know, right?
Andie and I went to a movie on Friday, so that was a little normal... and today I got up and went to work and did a little more research on my paper (that was due on WEDNESDAY. As in four days ago). I got organized at work and then came home and wrote and wrote and wrote.
Andie (god love her) came by at 4:00 and brought me a soy latte from Starbucks. She stayed for about an hour and then left me to write the rest of the (fucking) paper.
It's done. I should be happy... and I am. I feel like I did a pretty good job, so that's something.
Here's the best part - the paper? It was a literature review on treatments for depression.
Seriously.
The husband is out with his idiot friend celebrating St. Patrick's Day. They both claim to be Irish (year round, not just today). It's sort of irritating.
I told him to call me if he needed me to pick him up... but I hope if he needs a ride he just sleeps it off there. I just can't deal with jolly drunk "Irish" husband. And I really, really can't deal with sad, maudlin, drunk "Irish" husband.
Oh yeah, happy St. Patrick's Day.

Movie Meme for Friday!!

Andie go to the movies every Friday... almost without fail.

"It’s been alleged that if you’ve seen over 85 movies you have no life. Mark the ones you’ve seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own blog, paste it in and put x’s by the ones that you have seen. Add them up, figure out whether you’ve got a life or not, and post it."

(X) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest
(X) Boondock Saints
( X) Fight Club
( X) Starsky and Hutch
(X) Neverending Story
(X) Blazing Saddles
(X) Airplane
(X) The Princess Bride
(X) AnchorMan
( X) Napoleon Dynamite
(X) Labyrinth
( X) Saw
(X ) Saw II
( X) White Noise
(X ) White Oleander
(X ) Anger Management
(X) 50 First Dates
(X) The Princess Diaries
(X) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
(X) Scream
(X) Scream 2
(X ) Scream 3
(X) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(X) American Pie
(X) American Pie 2
(X) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
(X) Harry Potter 1
(X) Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
( X) Resident Evil 1
(X ) Resident Evil 2
(X) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(X ) The Village
(X) Lilo & Stitch
(X ) Finding Nemo
(X ) Finding Neverland
(X) Signs
(X) The Grinch
(X ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
(X) Butterfly Effect
(X)13 Going on 30
(X) I, Robot
( ) Robots
(X) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(X) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(X) Along Came Polly
(X) Deep Impact
(X) KingPin
(X) Never Been Kissed
(X) Meet The Parents
(X) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) King Kong
(X) A Cinderella Story
(X) The Terminal
(X) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(X) Dumb & Dumber
(X ) Dumber & Dumberer
(X ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(X ) Halloween
(X )The Ring
(X )The Ring 2
(X )Surviving Christmas
(X) Flubber
( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(X) Practical Magic
(X ) Chicago
( X) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
(X ) Secret Window
(X) I Am Sam
(X) The Whole Nine Yards
(X ) The Whole Ten Yards
(X) The Day After Tomorrow
(X ) Child’s Play
(X ) Seed of Chucky
(X) Bride of Chucky
(X) Ten Things I Hate About You
(X) Just Married
(X ) Gothika
(X ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(X) Sixteen Candles
(X) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
(X ) The Grudge
(X ) The Grudge 2
(X) The Mask
(X ) Son Of The Mask
(X) Bad Boys
(X) Bad Boys 2
(X ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number SlevIn
(X) Ocean’s Eleven
(X) Ocean’s Twelve
(X) Bourne Identity
(X ) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(X) Bedazzled
(X ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(X) Ice Age
(X ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
(X) Independence Day
(X ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(X ) Christine
(X) E.T
(X ) Children of the Corn
(X ) My Bosses Daughter
(X) Maid in Manhattan
(X) War of the Worlds
(X) Rush Hour
(X) Rush Hour 2
( ) Best Bet
(X) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(X) She’s All That
(X) Calendar Girls
(X) Sideways
(X) Mars Attacks
(X) Event Horizon
(X) Ever After
(X) Wizard of Oz
(X) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(X)The Terminator
(X) The Terminator 2
(X) The Terminator 3
( ) X-Men
( ) X-2
( ) X3
(X) Spider-Man
(X) Spider-Man 2
(X) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(X) Catch Me If You Can
(X) The Little Mermaid
(X) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
(X) The Skulls
(X) Cruel Intentions
(X ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(X) Shrek
(X) Shrek 2
(X) Swimfan
(X) Miracle on 34th street
(X) Old School
(X ) The Notebook
(X) K-Pax
(X) Krippendorf’s Tribe
(X) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(X ) The 40-year-old Virgin
(X) Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
(X) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(X) Lord of the Rings: Return Of the King
(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
(X) Base-ketball
( ) Hostel
(X ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(X) Elf
(X ) Highlander
(X) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
(X ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(X) Monsters Inc.
(X) Titanic
(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(X ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
(X ) Dawn Of the Dead
(X) Hook
(X ) Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
(X ) 28 days later
(X) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(X) Waterworld
(X) Kill Bill Vol. 1
( ) Kill Bill Vol. 2
(X) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
(X ) Kingdom of Heaven
(X ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(X ) Army of Darkness
(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks: Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks: The Battle For Endor
(X) The Matrix
( ) The Matrix: Reloaded
( ) The Matrix: Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
(X ) Evil Dead
(X ) Evil Dead 2
(X ) Team America: World Police
(X) Red Dragon
(X) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal

I don't have to add these up to know the answer.
Happy Friday everyone!

PTSD for cats?

I'm guessing that talk therapy won't help...
Somehow Serena got out last night and we didn't notice until this morning. It's the first time in her life that she's been outside for longer than it takes me to fish her out from under the car.
When she got inside she was scared and jumpy... she hissed at everyone and everything and maintained a low, steady growl if Sammy was in eyesight. She would let me hold her and talk to her but her body was tense. I put her in the laundry room (where the food and water is) and she spent about an hour hiding on this chair. She finally calmed down and then she slept all day... I have never seen her sleep so soundly for so long. I don't know what happened to her last night, but whatever happened it was apparently pretty bad.
She's ok now... back to her grumpy (but not so jumpy) self. And she now shows absolutely no interest at all in getting close to the door.

My Monsoon sock fits! I am on the leg part (I switched to size 2 needles). I have almost completed the first repeat and will hopefully finish it by tomorrow.



Isn't it pretty?!?
Some knitters have complained of pooling in the larger sizes, but mine has striped beautifully. Blue Moon Fiber Arts is my favorite yarn company EVER!!
I ordered some yarn (shocker) that should be here any day now... The last of my yarn purchases for awhile. Until the husband gets another job we're all on a financial diet. He applied for a couple of jobs today and is going out tomorrow again.
I'm trying to stay positive.
I'm actually pretty nervous about the whole thing.

We have enough money in savings to pay the house payment for two months, but that was the money I earmarked for summer classes. And the whole "depleting our savings" thing is not appealing to me right now. I paid bills for this month already so we're ok for now, but the sooner he finds a job the better we'll all sleep.

Send good thoughts!!

Let's talk about socks, baby!!

I've been rocking out with my socks that rock... Sammie was really proud of me for finally finishing the toe...


I think the next one will be easier... and the 4 times I frogged had more to do with the fact that I wasn't actually paying attention to what I was doing than anything else.

This picture was actually taken on Thursday...

My camera was out of batteries again. (I KNOW!!) I am seriously going to look into rechargeable batteries.




Here's the sock today...

I'm wearing it so that it doesn't look obscene... and also because it feels so good on. This is certainly a benefit to the toe-up sock - you can try it on as you're knitting and you get the reassurance that it is going to fit well.

These socks are making me happy.

I really need a pair of Birkenstock's.

I have discovered a new favorite drink... Dole has sparkling fruit juice. I had a bottle of cranberry raspberry this morning. It's sweet and fizzy like pop but it's fruit juice and the 16oz. bottle has 100 calories. Not bad for juice! There were several kinds and I'm going to try them all.
My Quik Trip has gone all classy on me. There is a new counter and the hot dog thingy has expanded and now includes stuffed bread sticks and corn dogs. This is not a good thing. I did pretty well this morning... Iced tea, fizzy juice, cashews and Sunchips. No candy bar, no corn dog, no 500 calorie chocolate muffin.
Hummus and gyros for lunch and Staaaaaarrrrrrbucks!!!!!! Woo hoo! Just the boost I needed to work on my paper. Ugh.
Am I done with school yet? Can't I just get the degree already?

All this talk about food has made me hungry... I wonder if there are any Girl Scout Cookies left...

My what big toes you have....

My sock sort of resembles something that is not a foot. Um.... it's sort of shaped like a body part I don't have. I have been assured by other blogs that this is actually ok, and that it comes from knitting a rounded toe and then using a ribbed stitch on the foot.
I just feel like if I am going to carry this around and knit on it I should be wearing a sign that indicates that it is not a giant green penis cozy, that it is in fact a sock.
I would post pictures but I'm afraid to.

The yarn delivery guy (in the brown uniform, as opposed to the delivery guy in the blue) just stopped by the office and left me the nicest little box. It's Panda Cotton Print yarn from Yarn Market. I love them. I bought some sock yarn to make my daddy some socks for father's day. And some more for me and I'm finally going to make socks for Bean. Finally.

I am still waiting on a shipment from Knitpicks (needles and KIP bags) and from Blue Moon Fiber Arts (yarn). I am happy in my little socky phase. Another blogger just received a shipment of Lantern Moon Sox Stix. I am jealous but resisting. They're lovely and all... but I am waiting for those needles from Knitpicks. Sammie (bad kitty, no, no) did gnaw on my bamboo needles. Lucky for her she gnawed but did not manage to remove the sock from the live stitches. But I hardly think that a little kitty gnawing on one end of one needle qualifies as an excuse to buy new needles.

Or does it?

Anyway, the husband just quit his job (I'm not panicked yet... five or six more days ought to do it) so I will not be ordering online with this paycheck. I will be stashing it away in case his job search takes more time than it should. Fear is a great motivator and I have been doing my level best to convince him that if he does not produce an income soon I will kill him. Dead. With my pointy sticks. Here's the thing... I have 2 more years in school and then I will be making a lot more money. And by "a lot" I mean that starting salary for my degree in this town runs into the range of what he and I made together last year. Seriously. All he has to do is coast for two more years and figure out what he wants to do and then he can go back and finish his degree with no outside distractions!!!
Of course, I would have preferred to do it the other way... I'd like to coast a little. But then coasting has never been my strong suit. I'm more likely to run until I collapse and then feel bad about being "lazy."

Well, other than looking a bit phallic my Socks that Rock are actually going well. The Blue Moon yarn is really great - I frogged the toe 4 times and it still looked like new yarn. Yay!!

I'm a slug

Tuesday Bean stayed home from school and I spent the morning drinking coffee and knitting and cleaning and reading. Apparently I'm still paying for that uncharacteristic burst of energy.
Yesterday I woke with a migraine. I had a test in class 1 and a paper due in class 2. As I had actually studied for the test but not written the paper my plan was to go take my test and then come back home and write. I was hoping to finish the paper and email it in before class was over.
Instead, I got back home, took some migraine medicine and slept for four hours.
This morning I was supposed to go to Hospice and attend a meeting. A long, long, long meeting. I called in and slept all morning instead.
I have not been out of bed today except to brush my teeth and pee.

Slug, slug, slug, slug, slug.

The cats are very cautious. The human is in the soft cat napping place while there is light outside. That is not what usually happens. They have both been on and off the bed (and on and off of me) all morning, sniffing and purring.
The husband is also very cautious. Do I need anything? (Sleep). Can he bring me some lunch? (Starch).
Oh, he's home too. He quit his job yesterday. This is a good thing, though I wish he'd lined up another job first. I am not freaking out yet... we'll see if he is still out of work in a week.

On the Socks that Rock front... they may rock, but I certainly don't. I have started them three times and frogged them three times. Toe-up socks appear fairly simple but I can not do it right now. I'm putting them down for a few days and then I'll try it again.

Well, it's past my naptime... I have to de-slug tomorrow so I'm taking advantage of it today.

Mourning, yarn porn, cat in the cupboard

We are in mourning.
The cabled hat with the soft, lovely yarn. I dropped a stitch, rescued the stitch and dropped another one. I thought I caught that one but I apparently did something very wrong because there was a big hole.
I frogged it. All of it. All the way down.
I'm going to try a simpler hat. A much simpler hat.
BUT. Enough of the crying and carrying on.
As promised, here is the lovely Socks that Rock yarn. I love it, love it, love it.

This is the lovely hank of yarn, sitting on the lovely notebook that was sent with the yarn.



Take a moment. I'll wait.







This is the yarn on the swift. You can see the colors so much better on the swift.








Ignore the basket of laundry in the corner.



The yarn is winding nicely on the winder.

You can't hear, but I'm humming and singing softly under my breath, "winding winding winding."
I need a larger ball winder... this winder works well for 50 grams of sock yarn, not so well for 100 grams.






Taaa Daaaa!

All wound up and ready to roll.









In other news... here is Andie's sock. There were only three rows the last time we saw it... now she's knitting away and only has fleeting moments of panic.


Tonight I also showed my friend D how to get a sock going. She has teeny little feet and is a fast knitter so she'll be done in no time.

We're meeting for lunch on Saturday for hummus and the turning of the heel!






AND NOW... The bad kitty got into the cupboard again. She looks like I am bothering HER. My husband could not believe I let her sit in there long enough to get the camera. I just admire the sense of entitlement. I wish I could convey that kind of calm when I am caught somewhere I'm not supposed to be.