Valentine's Day (Part Trois)

There was so much love in my day!

I got a call this morning. From a floral delivery company... seems they were trying to deliver flowers to me!! I said I would not be home until after four but that I would be at Twist all afternoon. "Oh, the yarn shop!" He said, "I can send them there!"

I figured they were from my parents, or maybe once again from Emilie who surprised me last year with roses... but when I saw these

and then read the card indicating that they were actually from That Bad, Bad Man I almost fell over.

I was actually without speech for a long time... just sort of sputtering.
What's funny is that the last time I received non-apology dozen roses from a non-platonic man-friend it was just over ten years ago and (interestingly enough) also That Bad, Bad Man. (He was only a "Bad Man" then though, in the intervening years he has earned the second, distinguished "Bad").

I won't reveal the message on the card, but I will say that there were a few people at Twist who had never seen me blush before. No matter how he frustrates me and how distant he is sometimes That Bad, Bad Man loves me. And I love him right back.

It amazes me how sweet he can be, we both try so hard to pretend otherwise.
I love this sweetness in him.

Oh, but there's more!

So then I spent some time with my friends at Twist, talking one of them through picking up stitches on 2-at-once socks.
Then a lovely nap with the kitties... and I woke thinking I would like to swim. I checked the YMCA website and the lap swim was from 7-9 on Fridays.
(Did you catch that? Friday? 'Cause I didn't).
I put my suit on under my jeans and sweater and drove to the Y. I carefully folded my things and put them in the locker, braided my hair and rinsed off in the shower as the sign says to. When I found the door to the pool was locked I asked and a woman in the locker room said, "Well they close in fifteen minutes."
So here I am, hair and suit dripping, feeling like a total idiot.

I put my clothes back on and made my way to the car. Luckily Sally called just then and asked if I wanted to meet for dinner. Oh yes, I did.
We had a lovely dinner and ran into Kerri and James and Kerri's parents... and then decided to rent Miss Potter and watch it at Sally's house.

During dinner I got a text from Jeff's friend Colby... his wife had just had their first baby and he seemed to want me to come. Her family was there and I think he was feeling a little alone!

Sally went to rent the movie and I stopped at Walgreens for emergency baby gift wrapping. I held this perfect little person and watched how he looked at her. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

Miss Potter is a lovely movie, full of sweetness and love and fierce independence.

Now I'm home again, with the kitties...

Today was a wonderful day full of a diversity of love and I feel quiet and peaceful and lovely. I know that these peaceful times don't last so I am holding onto this one with both hands.

Valentine's Surprise Part Deux

I came home today and found this on my bed.


He said I make his heart sing.

Apparently That Bad, Bad Man really does have a soft, furry underbelly. (Don't tell anyone).

This is the first Valentine's Day in six years that I have received anything from a non-platonic man friend.

The present I got for him is not nearly so romantic... but I think he will like it anyway.

I Got a Valentine!!

And it's even from a secret admirer!!!

Happy Valentine's

I　Feel
Elizabeth Jennings


I feel I could be turned to ice

If this goes on, if this goes on.

I feel I could be buried twice

And still the death not yet be done.


I feel I could be turned to fire

If there can be no end to this.

I know within me such desire

No kiss could satisfy, no kiss.


I feel I could be turned to stone,

A solid block not carved at all,

Because I feel so much alone.

I could be grave-stone or a wall.


But better to be turned to earth

Where other things at least can grow.

I could be then a part of birth,

Passive, not knowing how to know.

(peek)

So if the graduate student peeks out and doesn't see her shadow are there still thirteen weeks left in the semester?

Yes.

I have finished two more books... The Rest of Her Life by Laura Moriarty(7) and The Hemmingses of Monticello: An American Family by Annette Gordon-Reed(8)... but it has taken almost a month to read two books. That's just sad.

I haven't been knitting much either... I'm still working on a foofy scarf for my cousin and the sweater and socks for my mom. I knit a few rows and then the yarn just sits in my lap.
And it's not just me! Lara reported on her blog that she's not knitting much, and Andie and Sally and The Fabulous Michelle were over last Saturday and NOBODY KNIT ANYTHING the whole evening. Weird, right?
I did get a stern and necessary lecture from TFM about how jacked-up my feet are.
Apparently when you break your foot and then don't take the time to get physical therapy things don't heal appropriately. Huh.
When you hurt yourself your body does this weird re-shuffling of tasks and refuses to admit that the hurt part exists... except, of course, for the pain part. this re-shuffling tends to throw everything off balance. So I am waiting for a call back from my Doctor and find out if I can still get PT.
Meanwhile I am trying to remind myself to walk like a person who has, you know, two feet. (Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe). It's not that difficult until you have to think about it... then you start moving like you're in slow motion.
'Cause I needed to be slower.

I am working out... on the Wii fit mostly. I love that thing. I am not at all good at the strength training stuff, but I have ironically great balance. Seriously. last night I did three of the balance tasks and scored really high on all of them... and then tripped over my own feet on the way to the bedroom. Apparently "balance" and "clumsy" are not the same thing after all.

This weekend I'm planning a return to the knitting... I'm getting a haircut after work on Saturday and then off to Twist for knitting and socializing and then to a Valentine's dinner and movie with my friend T. If you are also Valentine-less you should join us! Despite the lack of romance in my life I am still totally in love with Valentine's Day. I love the color scheme and the chocolate and the hope! (Oh the hope). The possibility that you might be very, very special to someone else.

Sigh.

And the kitteh... oh Sheldon. He's such a handful!
"Who, Me?"












Luckily I have help...

Sammie is really good at playing with him and showing him who's boss. He totally understands the hierarchy of the house - he will attack Sammie without a second thought, but Serena must be approached carefully, and if he does get up the nerve to actually touch her he immediately jumps back like, "Kidding! Just kidding!!"

Me and Marriage

Wow I'm boring these days... I do have a little rant though. Wanna hear it?

Good.

(Spoiler alert: I'm going to talk about He's Just Not That Into You. But if you are one of those people who knows that when you see a gun in act 1 someone's going to be shot in act 3 I'm not spoiling anything that you won't figure out VERY early on. Also? If you're one of those people? Don't see this movie).

So among the things that irritated me about this movie, there is a relationship between Jennifer Anniston (who I still love. Call me, Jen!) and Ben Affleck (who is basically a placeholder, right? I mean, nobody still thinks he can act, right?) that borders on the non-traditional in a way that I respond to. They have (at the beginning of the movie) been together for 7 years and he has been very clear about the fact that he loves her but he does not ever want to get married. That he would happily spend the rest of his life with her, just not married. She has outwardly accepted this situation and they have been happy... until her younger sister gets married. Suddenly they're having "the talk."

At this point I'm not irritated. Needs change. I get that.
So they break up.
Still not irritated.
Later in the movie she realizes that marriage is not the most important thing, that she loves him, blah blah blah... and she says she can live with no marriage.

I'm excited at this point. That never happens in movies. Movies are all about the happy ending, and not being married is a sad ending. I'm thinking, "way to celebrate diversity in relationships!"

Then, of course, he proposes.
Granted, needs change, and as we don't ever get a reason for his reluctance to marry we're not sure why he feels the way he does or how easily those feelings could reasonably be swayed... but I was really happy for the shout out to non-traditional relationship structuring.

For the obvious reason.

I have written about this marginalization of status before... but it still amazes me that choosing not to marry is such a revolutionary concept given the current divorce rates.

I know that there are a lot of people out there who still believe that after a sufficient time has passed I will decide to try marriage again... I have more or less stopped trying to convince them otherwise, because they're not going to believe me and because while I am a remarkable woman, I can not see into the future. It is possible that my needs will change. Doubtful, but possible.

Here are the things I know to be true on the subject of Me and Marriage:
1. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
2. Marriage works very, very well for some people... 20% or so.
3. I am not in that 20%.
4. Given my history, a risk-benefit analysis says "Just Say No!"
5. I am happier and more settled in my current relationship than I ever have been. I don't know if this is perspective or age or if he is, in fact, is The One. And I don't care... today it works, today I'm happy.
6. If my needs change and I somehow "need" to be married again it will not involve That Bad, Bad Man. Unlike the guy in the movie, I totally understand his decision to never try it again and I completely respect it.
7. I promised Bean I wouldn't do it again.

But the problem with a nontraditional approach to anything is that there are no socially prescribed rules and roles...
So basically I'm flyin' blind out here. Good thing I don't tend to over-analyze or anything!!

Sick and Tired

I know. The speed with which I update my blog is mind-blowing. Like, how could any of you possibly keep up with my fast-paced life?

Right.

I have been sick... Sick enough to take time off and stay in bed. I've had a massage and acupuncture, a nice bath, lots of sleep, enough vitamin C to sink a ship and tons of fluids. I still feel like ass, but at least I can get out of bed. Until today I have been mostly just sleeping and sweating.

I know that one of my dreams has always been to just sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and then get up and eat pancakes and then sleep some more. Here's the flaw in that plan: My mind gets really bored and starts making shit up. I had the MOST bizarre dreams - scary ones. I actually woke myself up screaming last night. Luckily the cats were the only nightmare responders last night... Bean apparently slept through my madness. I don't even really remember what was so scary, I just remember that there was more than one dream and they were all terrible.

I have not been reading or knitting or doing anything productive at all. Just sleeping.

Wait. I did see a movie. That Bad, Bad Man and I went to see Gran Torino. (And yes, you should go and see it. No, you should not take the kids).

Today is my attempt at re-entering the real world... Class starts in a few minutes and I'll be away from my bed until 7pm. That is about twice the amount of time I've spent away from bed in several days.
So wish me luck, y'all!