Defeat The Winter Doldrums Questions!!

(It's swappin' time again!!)
Sign-ups start on the 11th for the newest round of the dishcloth swap. I had a grand time last round... If you're interested the info is here.


1. Do you knit, crochet, or do both? Knit

2. What types of needles do you enjoy using for making dishcloths? Metal needles are my favorites... but I do have some Daisy plastic needles that I love

3. What types of cotton do you enjoy using for making dishcloths? Is there any that you've been wanting to try? I am a Peaches and Cream girl!

4. What color(s) are your kitchen and bath decorated in (if any)? Kitchen is greens and neutral tones, Bathroom is purples

5. What are your favorite colors for yarns? Least favorite? I love cools and neutrals, reds, yellow and oranges are my least favorite.

6. Do you like Winter, or do you count the days until it ends? I count the days until is ends. I am a fall/spring lover

7. What's your favorite way to brighten your day when you're down in the dumps? Knitting, movies, spending time with friends

8. What is your favorite treat to indulge in and when your down in the dumps? Ice cream - not very helpful for a swap, huh? Oreos, Snickers... and lately I've had this Tootsie Roll thing!

9. Do you drink coffee? Tea? Cocoa? Yes, yes, and yes. Know what's really good? Cocoa in your coffee!

10. If you could take a vacation starting tomorrow and go anywhere for one week and money were no object, where would you go and what would you do? I would go to Europe and just relax. Like the first part of Eat, Pray, Love. You know, the eating part.

11. Do you have any allergies or aversions your pal should be aware of? Nope

I Went to Jail!

For work... but I did get locked in briefly.

I went with the therapist to do some intakes on Sunday. We met with two women... and I went over the basic program information and financial questions and releases while she did the actual therapeutic part. Obviously I got done long before she did so I left first.

To get out of the visitation part of the jail you go into a holding cell, press a button and wait for the guards downstairs to buzz you out to the elevators. Then you wait until they release the elevators and then you can leave the building. I went into the holding cell (complete with the movie-sounding clank as the door slammed shut) and pushed the button. Nothing happened. Nothing. And the guard at the booth behind me was on the phone and had his back to me. I pressed the button again and looked into the camera with (what I hope was) a professional and slightly annoyed look. I took a deep breath, said "I will not have a panic attack at the jail" silently three times and then pushed the button again.

Finally the door buzzed and I was "free" to get on the elevator.
They were quicker with the elevator.

While I am proud that I didn't actually freak out it did sort of bother me.
Also, I bought myself a "comfort" cheeseburger on the way back to the office.
I am going to stop doing that. (I am).

Sigh.

Speaking of persistent problems... the mother-in-law came over - unannounced and uninvited - to "have it out" with the husband. She said she knew I was going to be home and she wanted a witness so that there wouldn't be "any misunderstandings." Whatever.
She basically told him that she was tired of him not taking any initiative and taking care of himself physically. She is worried because he's "all she has left" and if he is unable to take care of himself how can she possibly trust him to take care of her.
Pretty much everything I said to him the other night... and really, every other night for the past 6 months or so.
I tried to remain as neutral as possible... but wanted to either agree with her and say "this is why I want you to leave" or stand on the sofa and scream, "I AM NOT YOUR SOCIAL WORKER!!!"

In response to Gwen's question from the comments... she wanted to know if this was his "last" chance:
There is either hope that this relationship can work or there isn't. Right now there isn't. I'm allowing him to drag it out out of a sense of fairness... it is possible (however unlikely) that he can make significant changes and I don't want there to be any doubt that I gave this every chance I could.
Getting married a second time was difficult for me. Getting divorced a second time will be harder still. I can chalk the first marriage up to being too young and making bad decisions, but surely I should know better by now. Surely I should be able to make appropriate decisions now.
Apparently not.
Apparently I am unable to sustain a relationship past the three-year mark and I honestly feel like a complete failure. What kind of message am I sending to my child? What kind of example is this?
Don't answer.

Husband Transformation Progress Report

Day 1: Subject slept through the day, waking briefly to scratch, cough and smoke then complained about clear lack of Nachos in the house. When Nachos were not forthcoming, subject went back into the den and played video games.

Day 2: See day 1

Day 3: See Day 1

This writer feels that without a variation in the established routine (or a damn good fairy godmother) the promised 60-day transformation is bound to fail miserably. This writer questions her own sanity and wonders why the couple persists in carrying out this charade.

This writer needs a margarita.

We Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled Whine Fest...

To bring you some KNITTING content!

Every year the Bloggers decide they're going to knit from their stashes and not buy new yarn (except for sock yarn)(especially sock yarn). I've decided to do something a little different.

It's Knit Selfishly in 2008!! As an extension of my "No Christmas Knitting" I have decided that I will not knit for anyone else this year (unless I decide that it will make me really really happy to - for example, y'all know I'm going to be knitting for the wee bun in Lia's oven). My intention is to knit mostly from the stash, but that doesn't mean that I won't be lurking in the sock corner at Twist and typing "sock yarn" in the search engine on Etsy.

I need to do some serious stash photographing - if only to update my home owner's insurance file - so I will be posting some stash pics soon. I also managed to move quite a bit of my stash to the trunk in the living room. That was one of my favorite parts of New Year's, by the way. Both couples included fiber junkies and I opened the stash trunk and we spent a few minutes ooohing and aaahing.

I love my friends!

Where We Are Now

In the land of compromise... Sort of.
The husband and I were up until 5 this morning having the "I don't want to move out" "I want you to move out" conversation. Here are the highlights:

-He says he would never do this to me and he doesn't want to lose "what we have"
-I want him to be gone by the end of February
-He says he can turn things around by then
-I agreed that if he could, in fact, turn things around by then he can stay

Then I went to bed and tossed and turned and couldn't figure out what was bothering me about this. Then I realized it was three things:

1. I would never put him in a position where he would feel like the only thing he could do to save himself is ask me to leave
2. If he can "turn things around" by the end of February why has it come to this? Why did I have to get to this point to see some action?
3. Hope is a 4-letter word

Don't get me wrong, I would love to not get a divorce. I would love for our relationship to be what it should be. I just don't know that it's possible. And getting my hopes up again seems really cruel. So I'm going to carry on as usual and see what he accomplishes in the next 60 days or so.

He asked me what he specifically needs to fix. And here's the thing - I don't know. Obviously he needs to get a job. Duh. But beyond that I'm clueless. I told him that I was tired of being the one to suggest things and that it was my turn to be convinced. I said that he needed to figure out what he needed to do to be more active participant in his own life and then we could work on us... and he was going to have to figure out how to convince me that we should stay together.

If I could tell him what to do I wouldn't need to be convinced, right?

But really? I just want to be happy. I just want my kid to be happy. I just want to finish graduate school and get a good job and not worry so much about money. I want to be healthier and nicer to people I don't like. I want to stop sleeping all the time and I want to keep my house cleaner. Is he involved in any of that?

I guess it's too soon to tell.
I'll let you know March 1st.

I Look Like a Dork

I'm wearing sweatpants and my trusty (and oh so warm) grad school hoodie. The problem is that my pants seem to have shrunk vertically in the wash so there is a 2-inch gap between the bottom of the pants and the top of my socks.
Not a good look.
Also not warm.

Luckily, I am 32 and tired so it's OK that I don't really care.
Except that it is really cold today. Really. Cold.
And there weren't many cars on the road (as most normal people don't have to work today) so my drive to work was especially bleak this morning. I always somehow expect the first day of the New Year to be sunny and beautiful and enlightening somehow.
Doesn't it seem like the New Year should begin somewhere in March or April anyway? Isn't that when the whole "rebirth" thing happens in nature? Who makes up these stupid holidays and why aren't they paying attention to details?!?

I did finally get some sleep last night. I am trying to go without caffeine today, though, so that as soon as I get home from work I can just roll back into bed. And there is plenty of soup (and other miscellaneous party food) left over so I am not even going to have to make the decision about what to eat for dinner!!

Anyway... I'm not making any stupid resolutions this year. I never follow them anyway. But I am going to try to take better care of myself. I know that's very vague and open to interpretation... Oreos are physically bad for me but emotionally oh so good. Does that make them good or bad? I think that taking better care means that I have two or three and work on figuring out why they make me feel so much better emotionally. Hmmmmm. Tricky.

Bean will be back from her dad's house tomorrow and we're going out to dinner with Emilie and Derek before they leave town. Taking better care of myself also means vacations so we're going to plan a trip this summer to see their new house and spend more time with them. They're only here for a few days over Christmas and I have to share them with their families. It's so unfair.

Happy New Year!

Obligatory First Post of the Year (and bonus recipe)

It's 2am and I'm still up... which would be great, but my guests left two hours ago and I have to work in the morning!!

My little party was nice. Sally and Lael came over and Emilie and Derek were in town. I have known all of them for a long-assed time. (Emilie and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary as friends this year). There is a certain comfort in that. Not just that they know my stories and we have a lot of shared history, but for me it is comforting that they have all known me for a long time and still want to hang out at my house for five hours!!
Of course, I had all of my usual party anxieties, but I think things went well. The husband did not participate, which I think was fine with everyone involved.

I made a version of Andie's soup (recipe to follow) and served garlic dip, crackers, cheese, grapes, and melba toast with cream cheese and cucumber slices. Emilie and Derek brought dessert and Sally and Lael brought two kinds of bread.

Andie's Soup
sliced mushrooms (2 cups or so)
olive oil
garlic (4 or 5 cloves)
canned tomatoes
chicken broth (2 cans)
2-3 cups shredded chicken (I put 3-4 chicken breasts in the crock pot with a can of broth and let it cook all day - it shreds easily and requires very little effort. Andie uses this recipe with leftover turkey from Thanksgiving)
a cup of sliced carrots
a cup of chopped celery
a cup of lentils
a cup of pasta (macaroni or shells)
12 ounces (or so) of V-8 juice
Parmesan cheese

saute the garlic and mushrooms in olive oil until the mushrooms are very tender
put mushrooms and V-8 in the blender and puree (this works for any veggies that your family typically won't eat)
pour into a stock pot
add all other ingredients (except cheese and pasta)
add more water as necessary

From here it can cook until the veggies and lentils are ready or you can leave it on the stove on low for three hours while you run around like a crazy person making sure your house is fit for company. Ask me how I know.
You could probably do this in a crock pot too... if you had one that was big enough.

About 20 minutes before serving:
Add at least 2 more cups of water and pasta, cook until pasta is tender.
Serve with cheese on top.

Happy New Year... let's hope this one is better than last year!