Twilight Zone

The early light of my Monday morning drive seemed to wash my memory clean; as though this weekend was something I dreamed. Picking up clear bits of memory is almost impossible, so I won't try. I'm just left with this vaguely puzzled feeling as my ordered and orderly week breaks through - a solid real thing in the face of wispy dreamy fantasy.

I won't go on about it... but someone who wasn't there appeared out of the blue, stayed for two days and now is gone. Like a turtle who slips out of the water for a breath and then is gone almost before you have even seen him. I keep waiting for some feeling to emerge as dominant, but so far its all just a blank, white wall.

The only real notable thing about it is that where usually this person leaves a crater in my calm this time there isn't even a thumbprint. I keep moving through the little bits of emotion looking for sad or angry or anything. But his appearance (and disappearance) left no wake, no debris.

I slid so easily back into our routine - it was sort of jarring at the time how automatic these things can be.
And now so I'm so easily back to my real life - my life without him.

I thought I'd feel more damaged and bruised than this... no matter how I spin it this weekend was a mistake. No matter how untouched I feel right now he is not safe for me. He never has been.
I wonder if that will make any difference at all if he calls again.