Um... Fortune Cookies ARE Random, Right?

Here was my fortune last night:

"Your loyalty is a virtue, but not when it's wedded to blind stubbornness."

Anyone else have the little hairs on the back of their neck stand up? Just me? OK.

They Want Me! They Really Want Me!!

I finally got my Ravelry invite!! I totally feel like the geeky girl who gets invited to the cool party. Oh wait - I am the geeky girl who gets invited to the cool party. Crap. Anyway, it is still really exciting. It is going to take me a long time to add all of my books and stash... but the first step is to admit that you have a problem so maybe it will be good for me to have it all out there, ya know?

Also, thanks to a tip from Jackie I signed up on this cool book website - Good Reads. If you are a reader check it out - it's great fun. Though I will admit that it sort of makes me want to read more impressive books. No more Nora Roberts for me! Time to dust off the books I was supposed to read as an English major. And again with the long time to add my books. And also the admitting that I have a problem. But seriously? If the things I am addicted to owning are books and yarn (and books about yarn) then who am I really hurting?!? It's not crack! Not even books about crack. And of all the bad habits I'm going to pass along to my child, a love of yarn and books is probably the least harmful.

Neck is better. For now. Husband relations are also better. For now. (Alli pointed out that those tow things seem to work together. Yup. There is an entire muscle group that my massage therapist refers to as "husband shit"). I spend a lot of time muttering, "For better and for worse. For better and for worse."

He is in the apology phase. Even suggested a date night tomorrow night. As in he wants to leave the house and spend money. Weird.

I know that he needs to be medicated and until I figure out a way to get him to do that (Or run out of patience and leave him) this is where we are. I recognize his anger - I was this angry last fall before I decided it was time to medicate. I was angry all the time. Crazy angry. At everyone. He hasn't crossed any lines that shouldn't be crossed (so calm down Mama Bears - you know who you are) and it is not fun but it's OK for now.

And Bean is fine. Really. If she weren't we'd be gone. She's as mystified as everyone else as to why he won't just get some help. She asked if all boys were (her words) "this ridiculous and stubborn. " I said that in my experience, all people had the potential to be this "ridiculous and stubborn" and that we should all keep an eye out for signs of it in ourselves.

One more little knitting thing... I finished my Sockapalooza socks!! And I'm really happy with them. I hope you like them, Alli!

Missing a Day

I lost a whole day yesterday.

Friday night Bean and I went to see The Simpsons Movie. The husband actually wanted to see this one but still wouldn't go. Not even for popcorn.

Anyway, we got home and he was in a really good mood and everything was great... then at some point (close to 1 am, after Bean was asleep) he got really critical about what Bean is learning in school and how she's "wasting" her summer and how I ignore every opinion he has about her.

I don't think she is wasting her summer. In the last year her stepmother lost her best friend to cancer, her stepsister lost her best friend to a car accident and her grandfather died. In the last year she has watched her stepfather disintegrate (in direct response to his father's death). He has not had a job for six months. In the last year she has seen the new un-relationship I have with my sister and witnessed a pretty serious fight between her dad and his family. In the last year both of her parents have moved to new houses. In the last year she has started her period, learned real lessons about the bitchy little girls in school, started wearing a bra and had an unrequited crush on a boy in her class. And she's not stupid. She knows that there is tension in our house.

I figured she was due for a few months when all she had to do is read books and write and knit and watch tv. If she stays up late reading and doesn't wake up until noon who cares? It's summer vacation!

I went on the defensive and things turned ugly pretty fast. I honestly don't remember the really bad parts of the fight. It feels like something swollen and uncomfortable.
I do remember that I didn't cry and I didn't raise my voice at all. For me that's not a good sign.
At the end he was baiting me, pushing every button he knows to get me upset. And none of it worked. This went on until about 5 am.

Then he left. I took a xanax.

I assume he went to his mother's house, but I don't know for sure. He came home at some point yesterday. I slept until Bean got up at noon and then we had lunch. She wanted to watch a movie so I claimed migraine and took another xanax and woke up again around 7. By then he was home. Bean and I got some dinner - he said he wasn't hungry.

Then I went back to bed.
He came to bed at some point, too. He was playing with the cat and it woke me and I asked him to stop. He said, "Oh are we speaking now?"
I rolled over and went back to sleep.

At 6 I got up and came to work.

Something New!!

I am going to do something I have never done before.
I am going to the Stitch and Bitch at my Local Yarn Store.
I have gone to "workshops" at the other place. But you pay for the experience and she is only sometimes very nice.
Shelly at Twist is lovely. And smiles. And has couches and Rowan and sock yarn and... breathe. Must breathe.

I am also hoping that Shelly can help me add 4 extra inches or so to a sweater pattern that I want to knit. And then sell me the yarn. It's going to be expensive.

But the Funding Source That Must Not Be Named (aka Student Loan Fairy) will be making a deposit soon and what's a girl to do?? Put money in savings? Such silliness. There is a wonderful new yarn store that needs my encouragement.
Also, I have completed the paperwork etc. for my new job and I start on the 5th. That means We will actually be able to make out house payment and pay our bills - on time - without help from anyone.

Of course, the husband is still looking for a job and that will also... um... help. A-hem.

He is doing better I guess. We have had a few discussions and I think we're speaking the same language. We're not always, and I am fully aware of that. Like the other night when he lapsed into "helpless man" and couldn't find his ass with both hands and a map. It doesn't even matter what he was looking for. He was frantic because it was gone and somehow (at 2 am) this was my problem as well. It went something like this:

"Woman! Man not find thing. You get up and find thing for man."
"Let me just plug in the uterine tracking device and we'll see. Though, you know I've been having problems in that area so it might take more time than usual to find it. And also I'm asleep just now."
"Man not find nothing. Man mad."
"Did you check on the table in the living room?"
"Of course Man check table! Man check everywhere. Man not find. Man ask you after man check table. Woman think man stupid?"
Um...
"Here is is, honey. On the table where I said it was. I'm going back to sleep now."

To his credit, he did call to apologize for being an ass... but then at the last second he got all defensive about it because I "wasn't taking him seriously."
Brother.

One of these days there will be this really loud popping sound that echoes across the whole planet. That will be my husband removing his head from his ass. There will be celebrations and fireworks. And lots and lots of chocolate cake. You'll all be invited.

Random Things

It's my 300th post. Wow. Who knew I had so much to say? (I mean, who besides anyone who actually knows me!)

*****

Here's how I spent last night:
7pm - 1am: zonked out on pain meds
1am - 3am: ate dinner and watched Pan's Labyrinth
3am - 9am: "Ow, fuckity fuck," *(turn over, spend 5 minutes trying to find the exact pillow configuration that makes my neck happy) "ahhhhh" (wait 5 minutes) "OW, fuckity fuck," (repeat from *).
I was afraid if I took more pain meds I would sleep through my alarm (again). My neck is not better. I have a little more mobility today, but at night there is this spasm thing that is NOT working. In the right position I can forget about it for hours. Unfortunately that position changes regularly.
I have done this before. All I can do is wait it out. And use heat and ice. And take lots of ibuprofen and pain meds at night. And promise myself that as soon as I figure out what causes this I will never, ever do it again.

*****

I was on my way to work (after a brief training session at my new job) and instead of stopping at Sonic (which I really wanted) I stopped at a health food store and got my lunch there. The downside? They don't have Route 44 Diet Dr.Pepper... so no caffeine for me today. But fiber? Fiber we have. In spades.

*****

The new yarn store opened yesterday. It's beautiful! I ran into Lia buying yarn. I didn't buy any yarn for myself - but Bean wanted to get some yarn and start a log-cabin blanket. In true Bean style, the first six skeins she picked were more than $15 each. Ummm... nope. But she does have good taste. She finally picked out some really pretty colors in Berroco Cotton Twist.
I spent part of the time I was awake yesterday trying to pick out a sweater pattern to buy yarn for. It's quite an investment! I'm thinking something in Rowan would make me happy.

*****

My doctor's office did call me back. They were very helpful. But it seems to me that if I need one pill to make things go and one pill to make things stop maybe they should just remove everything and let me go on my merry way. Clearly I am broken. My infertility specialist called it a "software problem" as opposed to a "hardware problem." He asserts that software is easier to fix than hardware. Pills instead of surgeries. Bleh. I'm ready to throw the whole operating system out the window and forget the whole thing.
Next time I get to be the boy.

*****

I forgot how much I love Netflix. I love them.

*****

Finishing my sockapalooza socks soon! Mailing in a week!!!

Waiting...

(This is probably one of those Too Much Information posts I have been accused of writing from time to time. It involves health issues... of the female kind. You've been warned. Carry on).

I hate waiting.
I should be more specific... I don't mind waiting for a specific event that is to occur at a specific time. For example, I love to go to the movies early just so I have time to sit where I want (middle, middle) and knit or talk to Andie. That kind of waiting is not a problem for me.
Right now I'm waiting for my doctor to call me back. That kind of waiting makes me absolutely crazy.

Hi. Dr. N? I know that you're crazy busy, what with all of the sick people and all, but I promise not to take up too much of your time.

Without getting too specific (or graphic) something didn't happen for three months and then I took ten days of progesterone and now that something has been happening steadily for over a month... with cramps. It needs to stop. Seriously.
So I called my doctor's office and left a message. When the person at the DOCTOR'S office says "Oh, dear!" when you leave your message there is a problem.

So I'm waiting.

Harry Potter, Yarn and other Randomness...

Yes, I finished the book. Sunday morning at about 1 - roughly 24 hours after I started it.
No, I am not going to talk about it.
I am fully aware that there are lots and lots of people who don't read as fast as I do and loads of people who DO read as fast as I do who were not at all willing to devote their entire day to reading, sleeping and eating. (Really not a bad way to spend a Saturday, actually).

Bean and I also went to our new LYS Twist to take them lunch. They open on Tuesday and we wanted to make sure that in their efforts to have everything perfect they remembered to eat. They're working as fast as they can to get the yarn on the shelves and in the bins and on the hooks... I am soooooo excited about this yarn shop. I got to feel the yarn and see the yarn and (sigh). It's just exactly what a yarn shop should be! There are couches and yarn and needles and books and a really nice and smiling lady who is more than happy to make you feel welcome and help you buy yarn for your project.
Just before Shelly started mentioning her intention to open this store... it was probably a Thursday or Friday because there was a chunk of time before I had to pick Bean up from school. I was driving around and thinking that I wished there were somewhere I could go and just sit and knit for a couple of hours. I didn't want to go home because there are a thousand things I should be doing at home, and I didn't want to go to a restaurant... I just wanted to sit and knit.
As of Tuesday I will have that and I couldn't be more pleased.

My neck still hurts... but it's absolutely much better than last week. Heat and rest (and reading) apparently were just the things I needed to feel better. I was sort of sad that there are no real wizards and witches. I wish I had a wand and magical powers. I think my favorite thing about these stories (I am not spoiling anything, I promise) is that even though they had powers to do really cool things that would surely make life easier there was no sense that life was at all easier. There are problems and issues, magical powers or not, that you just have to make it through - with a little determination, a little luck and a little bit of support from your friends. Corny? Maybe. But certainly true.

OK, off to knit socks... I am almost to the heel of Alli's second sock. Almost time to mail them, too!