I just saved a ton on car repairs!

I thought my breaks were going bad... the last time I thought this it had gone so far beyond "bad" that the guys at the break shop were dumbfounded. They did not understand how a grown woman could be so completely clueless and also they wanted to know how I managed to not hit anyone on my way in. Y'all, it was bad. Part of the whole "car stopping" assembly was completely gone. Not just worn down, but actually fell off the car. The manager couldn't even yell at me. He'd start to lecture and then just shake his head. "Ma'am, it's on beyond bad. This is dangerous."
So when my car started making a lot of noise when I stopped I thought, hmmmmm... I ought to get my breaks checked. And then life happened, and now three months later I'm thinking, "ok, I have a spare couple of hours this morning, I'm taking this sucker in." Now, you all know that my car is only slightly less messy than my house. The way back is full and the back seat can only actually seat one person. The floor of the front seat is also sort of messy. Papers, McDonald's wrappers, bags of yarn... you know, normal stuff.
So I drop the car off and the first guy takes it over to the oil changing bay. I asked for the "deluxe" service - where they check your levels and hoses and belts (oh my!) as they're changing the oil. If you've ever been in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere in the middle of winter and had a serpentine belt go, you let anyone who has the inclination look at your belts and hoses from then on. After about twenty minutes one of the guys comes in and starts the "aw shucks, ma'am" routine. Finally it comes out. The "deluxe" service includes cleaning the carpets. "Oh good Lord, don't worry about that at all," I said, "clearly car cleanliness is not at the top of my priority list."
They moved the car from the oil changing bay to the "lift it up and look at it bay," and about twenty minutes later the guy comes back and said my breaks were fine. The noises I'm hearing, he thinks, are the result of increased humidity. Whatever. Last time I took my car in for breaks it cost me almost a thousand dollars. This time it cost less than forty (oil change). I am a very happy girl.
The responsible girl would funnel that money right into the house fund. The irresponsible girl would buy yarn and, you know, anything else that didn't run away. Wonder which girl I am today?!?

House Dreams

So I had a dream last night that we went looking at houses and every one had something seriously creepy and scary wrong with it. One house was a duplex with a shared basement and the door leading to the basement was locked. I managed to get the door open and there was so much water in the basement that it looked like a lake and there were rats. Big ones. And my dad couldn't figure out what I didn't like about it. He said that it would just take a little clean up and then it would be a great house. I said, "Dad, there are rats in the basement." and he said, "Well they're just rats!" Then there was a house that had big holes in the walls. People-sized holes, bullet-sized holes.
We had a good night last night, though. Andie came out to dinner with us. We ate a LOT of pasta and breadsticks. We got home around 9 and the husband and I sort of collapsed into bed and Bean took a shower. She went to bed and we just didn't move. Usually I watch tv in the bedroom and read or knit for a few hours after Bean goes to bed and he usually is in the front room listening to the radio and reading or playing his playstation... it's zone out time. Last night we just fell asleep. In our clothes and everything. He woke up at about 1:30 and took the trash to the curb and then came back to bed. Apparently we needed the rest.
I did drive him by the house I like and he said nothing. "Isn't it cute?" I prompted.
"It's ok."
"Just ok?" Seriously, I'm freaking out here.
"Well how much can I tell by driving by?"
"But you don't hate it?"
"I saw it for five seconds, how could I love it or hate it?"

MEN!!! So here it is... what do y'all think??



I think it's a cute little (but not too little) house that is in a nice neighborhood and in our price range and I think it's clean on the inside and I want it.

I really need my daddy. Except for the rat dream, he's really good at judging the quality of a house. As soon as they get back from Vegas I'll set up another showing.

Do I really like this house or am I just sick of looking???

Who knew, Pooh?

You Are the Very Gay Winnie the Pooh!

Come on, he doesn't wear pants!And he's a little too obsessed with Christopher Robin

What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?

Good Things.

I am determined to write about good things. The last week or so has been "The Grumpiness."
So here goes...

1) I am warming up to a house in our price range. The laundry room is huge and clean and the dining room is big enough for our table. It is a 2 bedroom, but it's one of those houses where they turned the garage into a den and there is a nice-sized closet in it, too. The house has wood floors and adequate storage spaces... and there's a lot of light and it's just nice. I like it well enough that I am afraid to take my husband and parents to see it. If they don't like it I'll be back a the beginning. One feature my husband, Mr. Safety, should like is that the a/c and the heater are in one unit in the back yard. Apparently this is a good thing because there will never be a carbon monoxide leak in our house. (See that? See how I just called it 'our' house? That was accidental so that HAS to be a sign).

2) Bean is with her dad and the husband works late tonight so it's just me. All alone in the house. For hours once I get off work... I love my family. Y'all know I do, but sometimes I just really want to be totally alone. Here's the thing, I need to go by the library and I have quite a list of things I need at Target so I won't get the full six hours I could get. Also, what is the best use of the time I have? I should clean, I want to nap, I would like to cut the amount of crap we own in half. I will probably go to Target, get all of the things on my list plus about another hundred dollars or so of incidental crap. When I get home I will probably try to carry it all in at once (fucking plastic bags, making me think I can carry something jut because it fits on my wrist) and then collapse under the weight of it all. I have these grand ideas of dinner tonight for the husband and I and even if I DO buy dinner stuff I will probably be asleep when he gets home. Last night that meant I got a sandwich from Schlotzsky's. I always forget how much I like that place.

3) Andie (the work spouse) and I went to Little Miss Sunshine on Friday. Holy Cats. Go see it. If you live here call me and I'll go see it again. It it SO wrong. Oh, and also SO funny. And done really well. It had a tight narrative and there wasn't anything in it that felt out of place. It feels like a really well-written short story that was made directly into a film. Seriously? Call me.

4) Bean wants to have her birthday party at my favorite pizza place and she's talking about only inviting six or seven girls. I won't have to clean or anything - just call the restaurant and work out some details (like, hey, if I give y'all $20 will you serve the cake and ice cream too? Oh, and can I bring decorations? Cool.) It's a locally-owned place and we're there... well, way too often. They know us, (like, "So, did you want the large half pepperoni, half cheese again?") and all of the kids who work there seem really nice. Twenty bucks and a couple of extra tiaras and we'll be in business. Also, Her birthday is in three weeks and I have already started buying presents.

5) I read this and decided (once again) to take my health seriously and schedule some time to go to the gym. I remember how strong and energized I felt when Andie and I were working out all the time. I remember how proud I was of the fact that my legs were strong and how I almost only had one ass. And it was solid. I know that I am basically starting over so I am committing to three days a week for twenty minutes. I know it's not much, but I really DID have a good ass. And it wasn't that long ago. I stopped going after the fertility treatments started because I was so wiped out and everything hurt. It's been more than a year since our last cycle and I can't really blame that anymore. Also, even when you're really busy you have time for the things you make time for. I can make time for this. Oh, and the YMCA by our house has a sauna in the women's locker room. (I know that doesn't sound good right now, but in a few months, when I feel like I will never be warm again it will be a really good thing).

6) My classes are not going to be difficult, and my practicum is going really well. Stressful and time-consuming, but I'm ok.

Are You KIDDING Me?

So the signs of the apocalypse from Thursday? Yup. Feeling a bit emotionally bruised today.

My aunt (who is also my realtor) called me last night and told me that my parents' old house is for sale. It's out of our price range (by, like $30,000) but it is a reposession, so she's going to see if she can find out how much they owed. She says banks don't want to own houses, they want to own money, so they might be willing to come down quite a bit on the price. I don't know that it will make much of a difference. I called my parents and said that we never intended to ask them or the in-laws for money in all of this but that we would like them to think about whether or not they'd be willing to help us get this specific house and how much they'd be willing to help. My thinking was if we could get the price down to within $10,000 of our buying capabilities that we could borrow $5000 from each of them. The likelihood that we could talk the seller down by that much is small in the first place and the likelihood that my parents would help is small in the second place.
My parents were not receptive. It wasn't a "no," more like a "how dare you ask for something right now, you know what we're going through with your sister." I think what she actually said was "It's too bad your buying power isn't higher. That would be a great house for you." Yup, mom. It sure would. I would buy this house sight unseen right now if I had the money to back it up. I wouldn't even blink.
So we're going to look at houses again today. I think that my heart just isn't in it anymore. We can't stay where we are. Can not. Stay. The crack head neighbor (literal crack) told my husband that his brother was up on charges for having sex with a minor (as in 17, not 7 which only makes it a little easier to take) and if he doesn't go to jail he'll be moving in next door, too. MUST. MOVE. OUT.
So we're looking. Well, I'm looking. The husband has made himself mostly absent from this entire process. He's looked at one house and voiced a lot of negative opinions about whether or not we should be buying a house right now. Maybe we should just move into an apartment and downsize a lot of our shit and think about this again in a year.

A friend of mine from my knitting group is also looking for a house and she actually needs the 4+ bedrooms that this house has so I went onto our KIP website to look for her email address... and noticed that we have a new member. And I know her. My ex-boyfriend (as in from high school) is married to a woman who hates me. And now she's in my knitting group. There's a link to this blog from that page, maybe she's reading this... Hey S! It's been what? Ten years? Eleven? Think the attitude about me could stop? I set you guys up, remember?
Seriously. I think I've seen her four times in the last three years and every time I see her she looks at me like she's trying to stop my heart with her mind... or at least like I have dog poo in my hair. Thinking about feeling unwanted at a knitting meeting makes me really sad. Maybe I'll just keep an eye out for when she is going and try to avoid those meetings.

So on the phone with my mom yesterday and she mentioned that T was going to be in town staying with my sister this weekend - a sort of desperate attempt cooked up by the four parents to keep what's-his-name away from my sister. Mom said the three of them were supposed to get together tonight, a kind of girls' night, but since she hadn't heard from either of them she probably wasn't going to be invited after all. She was all hurt, thinking that my sister and her mom were going to have fun without her... you know, kind of like I was hurt thinking that my sister and her mother and MY mother were going to get together and not invite me? Kind of like that.
I wouldn't have gone anyway, but it's sometimes an honor just to be nominated.

I swear to BOB that if my life doesn't lighten the fuck up really soon I'm going to start making shit up to blog about. I can only imagine how boring it must be to read about my pathetic crap day after day. I'm bored, and it's MY crap.

The power of 3...

So there are 3 pregnant women in my classes. And this morning I saw 3 minor car accidents on my way to work. There were also 3 people that I saw get pulled over for speeding, and I got 3 cents back in change from my morning QT visit... and there were 3 deaths at Hospice. Oh, and I also have to be on the air at 3.

Today is giving me the creeps. Anyone have any sage I can burn??
And why the hell am I STILL not wearing any blue underpants?? I'm thinking of wearing two or four (not three) pairs at a time.

In response to Lia's comment yesterday about interventions:
We tried the intervention thing... we all sat down with her and had our say and then told her when she was ready to leave him we were all ready to help... she called a few weeks later and said she was ready to leave, so we all went out there almost 3 weeks ago and did it. Less than 2 weeks later he was sleeping over. Now he's there pretty much all the time. I agree that she needs something, I just don't know what it is. I did some research for my dad and her mom (T) and my parents are going to try again with her this weekend. T said she's planning to come into town tomorrow and just sleep over at my sister's house for the weekend so that he can't come over.
The therapist that my dad talked to said that they shouldn't help him isolate her. That they can not support her choices and still leave the doors open for her. I just don't know how much of it I can take.
I talked to my dad today and reminded him that she's been making bad choices about her life, especially as it relates to boyfriends since her first boyfriend ever. He found a place for her to go and get some counseling. I'm trying to not get my hopes up again.

First day of school (for me)!!

I did not knit in class. Yet. I did mention knitting and offer to teach people how to knit. But I left my yarn at the office.

I think my classes are going to be a breeze this year (compared to last year). This year they expect that you are focused on your practicum (which I am) and don't have time to worry about a bunch of papers and stuff (which I don't). Yay.
It was really good to see the other "part-timers" again, and the new full-timers are all new to the program so they still have that "first day of high school" kind of daze, while we all have the much more sophisticated "how was your summer, wasn't last year hard?!?" thing. It's all about experience, baby.

There is a set of twins in my classes, though. And they both work in the same facility. Is that weird? Can you imagine working with your sister?? I know a lot of people thought it was weird for the husband and I to work together, so I guess whatever works for you. Given my sister situation I can't imagine being in the same building with her, let alone same job/same classes.

Thanks for the supportive comments. I talked to my mom today after class... they're all just broken to bits by my sister. He is spending the night there still - despite the fact that my parents were very clear that they were paying rent for her and her kids, not him. They were going to pay for 6 months but have decided that she can either get into therapy (for which she has to show proof) or she has to start paying rent in September. They're thinking if she is in therapy she might figure this out and really be able to leave. Dad is talking about writing her out of the will... making allowances for her kids if they finish college, but nothing for her. I'm already the executor and that is all ok with me.

Mom and I decided that we are not planning to go to the hospital when the baby comes. If she even bothers to call us. I don't know that this can ever be right again.

Here's what I'm angry about:
1. She is making bad decisions that affect her kids in a negative way. Not only will they be continually exposed to an abusive situation, but they are in danger of being abused themselves. That is not ok with me.
2. He did not even graduate from high school. She did not finish college. The chances that her kids will be actively encouraged to prioritize education is small. Also, not ok.
3. She is breaking the hearts of our entire family. My dad was not this hurt and sad when his dad died ten years ago. I wish I could tell her that.
4. She deserves better than this. I wish she would believe me.

Enough. Enough of this. I keep saying "I'm done," as though saying the words will make it so. As though I can make it stop hurting so much.

The work spouse is taking me out for a beer after work. Beer is good.